


Castaway

by lostnightsky



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mutants, And violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not exactly slow burn, Rating for later chapters, Romance, but all the monstas are present, but definitely some emotional constipation, kind of gratuitous smut, there is fluff, this is changki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:40:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 48,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26437339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostnightsky/pseuds/lostnightsky
Summary: When he first was approached by some eerily stoic men while walking out of the campus after his last exam, Changkyun didn’t feel like he had much of a choice but to tag along and sign into a too white, too clinical facility. Especially after the men showed exactly zero reaction to him asking if they were the men in black.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 33
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

Changkyun wraps the string of his hoodie around his finger, eyes shifting rapidly between the other people sitting around the small table. Trying to take in everyone’s introduction and keeping himself busy. They’re not a big group compared to others he can see sitting at other tables. but it still makes anxiety grip tightly at his chest.

Knowing his turn to speak will come, Changkyun tries to swallow the lump in his throat. It’s actually the first time he’s been sitting together with so many people with abilities. They’re in some sort of large cafeteria or common area. The place is packed with tables all around and pillowed booths lining the wall of windows on his right.

Changkyun tries to focus but the sound of distant voices all around is buzzing uncomfortably in his ears. He knows everyone here has some sort of speciality and that, technically, they’re all in this together now but he can’t help the slight tremor in his hands. 

He knows his power is considered different. He’s learned a long time ago to try and downplay his abilities when meeting other people. Learned how to joke around it to make others comfortable. He knows this isn’t something he can do now.

Changkyun knows he’s what’s considered a late bloomer. His mutation had shown up when he was almost nine years old instead of a toddler and his parents had been so devastated, dragging him along to professionals to get him evaluated, poked and probed for a possible cure. So much he thought he was going to die.

There was no cure.

They couldn’t have sent him away faster after they were turned down too many times.

But now things have apparently changed. The government has lost control over groups of rogue mutants and are seeking out their help and creating groups to help bring back order.

Or so they say.

When he first was approached by some eerily stoic men while walking out of the campus after his last exam, Changkyun didn’t feel like he had much of a choice but to tag along and sign into a too white, too clinical facility. Especially after the men showed exactly zero reaction to him asking if they were the men in black.

People would mostly assume he just dropped out when he wouldn’t come back in the Fall.

It seemed they weren’t freaks anymore. He wasn’t an abomination, he was a young man with a gene mutation that could be trained and expected to obey orders from important higher ups.

Forcing himself out of his own head, Changkyun tries again to keep his thoughts from straying too far. They’re doing this whole introduction round _for_ him. All of them having been recruited and introduced during the previous weeks. He knows he should probably try to memorise their abilities and names but then again, he’s not sure they’ll _want_ to associate with him.

“I’m Kihyun, I’m the healing guy so you should be nice to me.” One of them says and Changkyun knows he shouldn’t just silently stare. He knows it’s rude but he can’t quite keep his eyes off of him despite the ugly feeling twisting his insides.

When he first walked into the room and looked at the others, Kihyun had been the one who’s presence had really struck him. Looking a little too handsomely intimidating. Because while looking almost as much of a pipsqueak as him, he carried himself confidently, all sharp edges and straight posture. And if he wasn’t so busy being almost consumed by his nerves, he would’ve probably tried talking to him. Or maybe just stared and pinned quietly.

And if he were to judge with appearances, Changkyun would’ve guessed he had some sort of destructive mutation.

Then again Changkyun knows better than to judge people’s abilities through their exterior. He remembers this girl from his high school who was completely terrified of snakes but could easily communicate with them.

“Are you mute?”

Changkyun blinks at the voice, feeling it directed at him and he feels heat creep up the back of his neck when he looks around and sees five pairs of eyes staring at him curiously.

His usual go to methods of dealing with anxiety is either throwing out inappropriately timed jokes or staying completely silent. He’s not entirely sure which approach would be best right now.

“Oh uh, no, sorry.” He mutters lowly, squeezing his own hands tighter, enough to feel his nails dig slightly into his skin.

“I’m pretty sure you weren’t listening so I’ll say it again.” One of the two big guys in front of him says, a wide toothy grin on his face and Changkyun feels his heart a drop lighter because he could definitely be annoyed with him but his words are gentle and his expression soft. “I’m Hoseok, my thing is florakinesis.” He says and Changkyun gives him a tiny closed mouth smile because somehow that fits the man so much.

He looks like he can snap someone in half but he also exudes the softest energy Changkyun has ever seen.

Changkyun also realizes that the reason they’re all staring at him is because they’ve all introduced himself to him and they’re waiting for him to do the same. 

He’s going to have to apologize to the tall lanky one because he completely missed his introduction.

“Are you okay?” The other big guy - Hyunwoo? The strong one - asks and Changkyun nods slowly, mentally going back over each of them.

None of them have the same type of psychic abilities he does.

None of them are like him.

“I...I’m Changkyun.” He starts quietly, feeling immediate regret when he throws in a peace sign as if that would make him seem any less awkward.

It doesn’t quite work. They all look like a mixture of amused and confused.

Changkyun groans, letting his hand slowly fall back down to his lap and he quickly hides his palms under the table when he realizes that he actually dug little blood crescents into his palms because of his nerves.

He’s got an apology on the tip of his tongue when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. We’re all in this together. We’re not going to judge or anything.” Jooheon, who’s sitting next to him, says vaguely and Changkyun sucks in a breath.

He kind of wants to say that this is what everyone says at first but he decides to keep the snark for another day.

“I’ve got cerebrokinesis.” He almost blurts out and a hush falls around their table. The indistinguishable chatter around the room all the more present.

“So you can control and move shit with your mind?” Jooheon asks.

“That’s telekinesis. He can...have access to people’s brain.” Kihyun corrects, albeit hesitant. As if giving him room to correct him too if he’s wrong. But he’s not.

Looking down with bated breath, Changkyun feels like his heart is about to beat out of his throat and he’s unable to lift his eyes from the white edge of the table.

“So you can like...control people?” Hoseok asks and while his voice isn’t guarded, there’s a slightly unsure quality to it.

“Not physically but...yeah...I can twist people’s thoughts and make them do what I want.” He explains briefly because his mutation tends to scare away people.

Chancing a glance up when the silence is still heavy in the air, Changkyun feels his stomach tighten up again with anxiety and the back of his eyes burn when he sees the others exchange looks.

They’re going to kick him out before he’s even part of the team.

“Let the boy breathe for a second.”

Changkyun startles at the voice suddenly beside him. A few people look their way when Jooheon shouts and in a blink he’s crouching behind Hyunwoo on the other side of the table.

“Jesus Christ _Minhyuk._ ” Kihyun sighs, giving others around an apologetic smile for the disturbance and while confused, Changkyun is glad that the attention isn’t entirely on him anymore.

“Doesn’t it get old to do that.” Jooheon grouches, a whine evident in his voice as he makes his way back to his chair - much slower this time.

“It will get old once you stop reacting like this.” Minhyuk laughs, ruffling Jooheon’s hair and Changkyun stares quietly, eyes shifting again to everyone.

“Will you ever be on time once in your life?” Kihyun asks, sounding almost exasperated and Minhyuk shrugs.

“I thought no one knew each other before coming here.” Changkyun mutters, almost recoiling back in his seat when all eyes are on him again.

“The three of us grew up together and we made sure we’d be on the same team when they started taking in people.” Minhyuk grins, squeezing himself between Jooheon and Kihyun.

“The two of us came here together.” Hoseok says vaguely, eyes shifting to Hyunwoo for a second.

Changkyun wonders if he means they came willingly or if they agreed with the condition that they would be put together. He’s not comfortable enough yet to ask.

“So anyways, I’m Minhyuk and I can turn invisible and scaring Jooheon is one of my favorite things, you should see _how fast_ he can run.” He cackles and Jooheon _pouts._

It’s kind of ironic how they’re supposed to start training to become some sort of tactic force but it feels more like a first day of school.

“But back to you.” Hoseok says suddenly and Changkyun wants to crawl under the floor - or maybe exchange abilities with Minhyuk.

“I’ve never met someone with a psychic mutation.” Kihyun leans away from Minhyuk and more toward him and Changkyun averts his eyes because his gaze is piercing and searching and Changkyun has never been really good with that.

“Hello, I’m right here.” Hoseok raises a brow and lanky dude snorts.

“You control plants my guy.” He says so casually Changkyun almost wonders if they know each other too but Hoseok simply shrugs - like he’s just got _that_ much confidence in his ability and doesn’t feel the need to prove himself.

“I never really use it. At least I haven’t in a long time.” Changkyun admits quietly. “If I’m being honest, I’m not even sure the extent of what I can actually do.” He adds, feeling that if they’re going to kick him out because they can’t trust him, he might as well be transparent with them.

“Oooh, scary.” Minhyuk grins and Changkyun is truly thankful that he doesn’t seem to care? As if his power is just like any of theirs and not the kind of abilities that should not be spoken of.

“I guess that’s what you’re going to find out here.” Hyunwoo smiles at him and there’s something so comforting about it.

“You guys are okay with me being on this team?” He asks after maybe a beat too long.

“Yes?” Jooheon frowns, a look of confusion on his face and Changkyun chews on his lip.

“I’m used to people not wanting to associate with me in case I decide to take over them or something.” He mutters.

“Well, call me gullible but I believe you when you said you don’t really use it.” Hoseok shoots and Changkyun feels his stomach unknots and the little cuts on his palms start to sting when they all show some sort of agreement with the statement. 

“It’s late, we should probably decide on who you’re going to room with. They originally assigned us three rooms.” Hyunwoo declares and this is another moment Changkyun has been dreading because it’s one thing to be okay with his power but it’s another to want to share a room with someone who could play with your head.

“Kihyun you’re the only one without a roommate.” Minhyuk says immediately and Kihyun throws a punch at him.

“I know you wanted none of us because we’re apparently too noisy but I don’t think we can fit four into our room.” Tall guy says motioning to Jooheon and Minhyuk and Changkyun kind of starts internally panicking because it seems pretty obvious that he doesn’t want to invade on the other two. If the arm Hyunwoo silently wraps around Hoseok’s back is anything.

“And here I thought I’d finally have peace and quiet.” Kihyun sighs half-heartedly and it’s Minhyuk’s turn to punch his arm.

“You’re making him feel bad.”

“I’m pretty quiet.” Changkyun tries, looking at the other man nervously and to his surprise, Kihyun offers him a gentle smile.

“I was just playing, you looked tense.” Kihyun nods.

“Let’s all get some sleep, we have to meet down in the training room early tomorrow morning.” Hyunwoo claps his hands together. “I’ll have your stuff brought to your room.” He adds and Changkyun nods thankfully.

Before they can all scurry and go back to their own rooms, Changkyun nervously touches the tall guy’s arm to catch his attention - he admits to himself that he’s a little intimidated now that he’s standing in front of him and he’s staring back at him with a curious glint in his eyes.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t quite catch your name earlier.” Changkyun says guiltily and the man laughs quietly, face breaking into a smile.

So much for being intimidating.

“Yeah, you were kind of spacing out a lot earlier.” He concedes and Changkyun feels another apology on the tip of his tongue but the guy grins amicably at him. “Don’t worry too much, I do that too sometimes. I’m Hyungwon.” He introduces himself, offering his hand to shake and Changkyun reels back a little when he finds himself staring back at his own features for a brief moment.

So he’s a shapeshifter. 

“You can just do that at will?” He breathes, still weirded out by having seen himself through his own eyes.

“I need physical contact first but yeah.” He grins lazily, picking up their hands before letting go.

“Changkyun.”

Turning at the mention of his name, Changkyun sees Kihyun waiting further away from the table and he feels apprehension clawing its way back under his skin.

“I’ll show you where our room is.” He says and Changkyun nods, turning back to give Hyungwon a smile before hurrying to Kihyun.  
  


Trying to memorize the way toward the dorms, Changkyun is surprised to see that the rooms don’t look as white or feel as cold as the rest of the institute. The rooms are homey, walls painted a soft beige, the beds bigger than his old single college dorm bed and there’s a nice desk in the corner by a window, the bathroom spacious. He wonders if the small potted plants scattered around are somehow Hoseok’s doing or the institute’s.

He wonders if they’re trying to make them feel as comfortable as possible to make them forget where they are.

“You really don’t mind rooming with me?” Changkyun finds himself asking, looking around his own side of the room.

“What do you mean?” Kihyun asks, from his side of the room, picking up some papers and books spread on his bed.

“I know what people usually think about me and I could tell all of you were unsure earlier.” He mutters, looking down at his lap from where he’s sitting on his own unmade bed, the sheets waiting to be unfolded.

There’s a moment of silence and Changkyun peeks up, his fringe falling into his eyes, and Kihyun walks up to him, sitting next to him.

“It’s true we were surprised but,” He stops, lips pursing and chin wrinkling, looking like he’s weighing the next words he wants to say and Changkyun waits silently, something akin to fondness brewing in his chest. “But if we were to doubt you, we’d have to all doubt each other. We could all do big damage if we wanted. We can’t let that dictate the way we see each other. That’s how other people see _us_.” He explains, obviously talking about people without the gene. “Personally, I’m just pretty curious.” He admits with a small smile and Changkyun looks away, feeling heat burning the tips of his ears. He’s so weak for pretty.

But Changkyun guesses Kihyun is right. While he can control people, Hyunwoo could very much snap them in half with his pinky or Hyungwon could easily commit a crime and pin the blame on someone else.

He guesses they could all be horrible people if they wanted to.

“Except you.” He mutters and Kihyun tilts his head curiously.

“What?” He asks and Changkyun bites his tongue because of course it’s not like Kihyun heard his thoughts.

“You said we could all do big damage but you...You heal people, right?” He says and Kihyun hums.

“Yeah, I guess I was never meant to be a bad guy.” He laughs quietly and Changkyun finds himself smiling back at him. “I could always overheal someone and create painful skin overgrowth. Preventing someone from moving their joints and such.” He shrugs, gesturing vaguely and Changkyun snorts a laugh.

“Did you actually try to look up the way you could hurt someone?” He questions and Kihyun bumps their shoulders together.

“You have to understand,” He starts, standing up again to continue tidying up his side of the room. “It’s easy to see how I’m not very imposing. I had to know how to at least be able to defend myself.” Kihyun says.

Changkyun wants to disagree because he thinks his presence can be pretty imposing, but then again he’s only met him now and not when he was, say, a teenager.

“All of you have abilities that can be used in attacks. Mine comes in when yours don’t work.” He finishes and Changkyun thinks he should probably start unpacking his things too but there’s something calming about watching the meticulous way Kihyun works. 

“You seem to speak from experience.” He speaks lightly and Kihyun chuckles.

“I’ve dealt with Minhyuk thinking invisibility is a synonym for invincibility for too long.” He explains briefly and Changkyun laughs - somehow from the glimpse of the other man he’s had before, that doesn’t surprise him.

Heaving a short sigh, Changkyun forces himself to get up and start making his bed since it’s getting late and he doesn’t feel like sleeping on a bare mattress.

Grabbing the sheets neatly folded on his bed, Changkyun hisses quietly at how sore his palms feel and he frowns at himself, hating how strung out he was earlier, to the point of accidentally hurting himself.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asks, and Changkyun whips around, keeping his hands out of sight.

“I’m fine.” He smiles because it’s pretty much the truth - he also doesn’t want to bother his roommate literally on the first day.

But Kihyun’s eyes are calculating, gaze sharp, moving between his eyes and down to where he hid his hands behind his back.

“Show me your hands.” Kihyun says gently but there’s an air of authority in his voice and Changkyun feels like he shouldn’t argue.

Uncurling his fingers when Kihyun steps in front of him, Changkyun’s breath hitches when he grabs his hands and turns them up. He’s so close and Changkyun realizes that maybe he’s even a little shorter than him but he clamps up when Kihyun throws an inquiring look at him.

“I was really nervous earlier.” Changkyun stutters out, hoping that Kihyun won’t ask questions because while he feels it would be easy to trust and confide in him, he’s not quite ready to spew out any sob story just yet.

Thankfully Kihyun seems to sense his feelings and offers him a soft smile before gripping his hands a tad tighter.

Looking down when he feels heat seeping into his skin, Changkyun is fascinated by the way warmth seems to be radiating from Kihyun’s previously cool hands and there’s a tingling in his fingers before Kihyun lets go of him.

“All better.” He grins, all toothy and eyes pushed up in cute crescents and, _oh_ , he’s got little dimples under his eyes. That’s the first time he’s seen that and Changkyun is nothing but endeared.

“Uh, thanks.” He quickly says, cheeks burning once he notices he’s staring at him blankly, hands perfectly fine now.

“You’re welcome. Let’s get some rest tomorrow’s going to be brutal.” Kihyun groans, letting himself flop back on his bed and Changkyun may be a little too scared to ask what he means.  
  
  
  
  


The next morning does start off pretty brutal.

Changkyun wakes up with a gasp, scrambling up in his bed, taking in deep lungfuls of air. Blinking and willing his heartbeat to slow down, Changkyun frowns at the way the sheets are twisted around his waist and legs and how that made him dream like he’d been drowning and unable to swim to the surface.

Shooting a glance to the other side of the room, Changkyun can see Kihyun still in bed but starting to stir and he vaguely hopes he’s not the reason for it.

Before he can even think of getting in maybe a few more winks of sleep, Changkyun jumps at the loud siren sound outside of their door, calling for everyone to wake up and get ready to start training.

Kihyun immediately sits up, all rumpled from sleep, frowning in obvious confusion before he rubs a hand over his face.

“Fucking hell.” He mutters, voice low and rough and Changkyun may be feeling a spark of something flickering in the pit of his stomach. One he’s not awake nor comfortable enough yet to explore.

After being directed back toward the dining hall of the institute, Changkyun realizes maybe he’s sticking too close to Kihyun but the closer they get to the common area, the more people there are and the more uncomfortable he feels.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asks and Changkyun nods mutely, avoiding eye contact and trying to practice the breathing exercises he’s learned years before.

Changkyun only blinks out of it when he feels his hand being taken and sees Kihyun giving him an encouraging smile.

“You’ll do fine, we’re all here for the same thing.” He tries to reassure and Changkyun is truly thankful for it because he’s not entirely sure how he’d deal if he was alone right now.

“Thanks.” He mutters, returning the smile as best as he can and Kihyun squeezes his hand.

“Look they’re over there.” Kihyun declares after looking around and spotting the rest of their new team sitting around the same table as the previous day and Changkyun feels relief wash over him when they start waving toward them.

“Where were you, we almost got called in without you guys?” Hyunwoo asks and Changkyun can hear that there’s no reproach in his tone but it still makes him feel small.

“Kind of overslept.” Kihyun offers. Changkyun is thankful for the fact that he doesn’t mention the way he was stalling about meeting everyone down here.

“How? That alarm almost gave me a heart attack.” Minhyuk snorts and Kihyun moves to punch him but just like that, the other disappears and the punch hits nothing.

Kihyun sighs tiredly when Minhyuk slowly reappears next to Jooheon and makes a mocking face at his friend - Changkyun is a little amused at their antics.

“Since you seem keen on using your ability, why don’t we get inside one of the rooms?” 

All of them turn at the voice and Changkyun feels his stomach twist uncomfortably at the doctor or scientist - he isn’t quite sure - before them. The white coat and thick glasses reminding him too much of the time he spent being experimented on as a child.

“Sure.” Hoseok smiles, positive energy always seeming to pour out of him and Hyungwon groans, unfolding from where he had been resting against Jooheon’s side.

While being led down a long corridor, Changkyun realizes there’s a woman following the doctor. The sound of her heels clicking on the floor the only thing breaking their slow shuffling.

After being ushered inside one of the rooms, Changkyun feels like the sudden quiet cutting through the chatter from the common room makes his insides twist anxiously even more. He vaguely registers that he’s still clutching onto Kihyun’s hand.

He’s thankful that the others don’t question it but he reluctantly lets go when they all stand next to each other.

Quickly glancing around the room, Changkyun spots various equipment scattered around and another single door next to a mirrored wall on the other side of where they’re standing.

“First of all, I would like to say welcome and thank you for accepting to be part of our new program.” The man says and Changkyun feels like there’s some sort of sarcasm in the way he speaks and he wonders if maybe they’re not the only ones pushed into this.

The quiet snort he hears from Hyungwon beside him confirms he’s not the only one thinking it.

“Professionally I’m Dr. Park but since we’ll be working closely you can call me Jaesang. This is my assistant Jia. Of course you’ll meet different trainers for different aspects but we’ll be the ones overseeing your team’s progress.” The man introduces them and they bow politely. “We already know every single one of you and your abilities and I must make myself clear that if any of you try any sort of funny business, we will take the liberty to put an end to it immediately.” The man smiles, gaze briefly shifting to the side and Changkyun follows it to the mirror and feels his blood chill in his veins.

He wonders how many people are watching them behind it.

“Alright let’s start right away.” Jaesang claps his hands and Changkyun’s heart seizes in his chest when his eyes meet his before moving to someone else. “Jooheon let’s begin with you.” He adds and Changkyun feels bad for the relief he feels at not being the first one up.

Jooheon has a face that says the exact opposite but he still steps forward, hands held behind his back, waiting for instructions.

“First test,” Jaesang says, taking a small remote control from his pocket. “Protect your teammates.” He instructs, quickly pressing a button and before Changkyun can even blink there’s one of the machines in the room - which he wasn’t too sure what it was - firing something at them.

In the seconds his brain tries to process it and tells him to protect himself, he feels the strong gust of air created by Jooheon running in front of them to catch the golf ball sized projectiles and clumsily holding them in his arms.

Hoseok has taken a step back, Hyunwoo has his arms halfway up and Minhyuk has gone transparent again but none of them had time to properly protect themselves - Jooheon huffs loudly as he stands in front of the man again.

“You could’ve warned a guy.” He mutters and Jaesang laughs.

“You think criminals will warn you before they do something?” He asks, obviously not expecting an answer and they all keep quiet. “Minhyuk you need to learn to turn invisible at will and not have it controlled by your emotions.” He adds and Changkyun truly isn’t sure how he feels about this man.

He seems a bit like a loose cannon but also like he actually wants them to do well.  
  


Throughout the next few hours, all of them are tested with various exercises and Changkyun grows restless when he realizes he’s going to be the last one up. All of them have been through it and are looking positively exhausted or disturbed.

Changkyun still can’t get out of his head the image of Jia having her arm all slashed up for Kihyun to fix - and being told only afterward that she doesn’t feel pain and actually has mastered the ability to regenerate her limbs perfectly on her own. 

There was so much fucking blood.

They were apparently trying to test how he reacts and performs under extreme stress during tense situations and Changkyun wonders if Jooheon is actually fully back from almost passing out.

“Now, Changkyun.” Jaesang says and he flinches, eyes moving to catch one of his teammates for reassurance and Hyungwon tries to smile and give him a thumbs up but it looks a bit forced.

“Yes, sir.”

“Your ability is a little more difficult than the others to test and we actually don’t know much? About the extent of it since you’ve never practiced it.” He says, scratching his head and Changkyun swallows.

“I mean it’s true that I don’t use it because I’ve got morals but when I was a kid I did use it quite a bit.” He admits, reminding himself of a time he didn’t fully understand the gravity of his actions, and the man hums.

“Anyone want to volunteer?” Jaesang asks and Changkyun’s eyes widen because he’s definitely not confident enough in his skills to control himself on a teammate.

“Isn’t that too dangerous?” He asks and the doctor shrugs a little.

“Don’t worry, if you get out of hand we have someone to counter you.” He explains vaguely and Changkyun frowns.

“I’ll do it.” 

Changkyun’s head whips back at the voice, seeing Hyunwoo stand and give him a small smile.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, I don’t even know what they expect me to do.” Changkyun frets but Hyunwoo shrugs.

“We should trust each other.” He grins and Jaesang nods satisfied.

“Alright, Hyunwoo. I must tell you, it will most likely feel very invasive since he’s not used to it and you need to try to keep calm so it’s easier to pull him back if something happens.” Jaesang explains and Changkyun feels anxiety gnawing at his guts.

“Okay.” Hyunwoo answers and while it does make Changkyun feel a little better how calm and collected Hyunwoo is, it still terrifies him to think of the things he could possibly do by accident.

“Go ahead, get control over him.” Jaesang says and Changkyun licks his lips nervously before he nods.

Taking a few deep lungfuls, Changkyun focuses on Hyunwoo and it surprises - and scares - him how _easy_ it is to let his ability take over. It almost feels like a vacuum pulling him into Hyunwoo’s subconscious.

“Are you there yet?” Park asks and while his voice feels slightly distant, Changkyun hears him loud and clear.

“Yes.” He mutters and he feels like his vision is split for a second between his own and Hyunwoo’s and it makes his head spin a little.

“Alright, I’m going to bring back Jia.” Jaesang says and Changkyun feels his blood run cold when he remembers the name of the doctor’s assistant.

“What for?” He asks, voice rough with trying to hold onto Hyunwoo’s mind after not doing something like that for so long.

“You’re going to make Hyunwoo think she’s a normal bystander and make him hurt her.” He explains calmly and Changkyun frowns knowing how easy for Hyunwoo it would be to hurt someone badly.

“Sir, I don’t think - ”

“This is trying to test the extent of your control on someone else.” Dr. Park interrupts and Changkyun’s mouth falls shut.

“Don’t forget that I won’t actually feel anything. As long as you don’t do anything fatal, I’ll be completely fine.” Jia comes in and says lightly beside him but the thought of doing something like this still makes Changkyun’s skin scrawl.

Focusing back on Hyunwoo’s subconscious, Changkyun curses to himself and hones in his energy on convincing the other that Jia doesn’t have a mutation and she’s only there to take notes on their training.

“Hyunwoo, who is this?” Jaesang asks and Hyunwoo looks a little dazed as he moves his eyes toward Jia and Changkyun has always hated the way people look when he’s in their head.

“She’s writing down things about our training for research purposes.” He answers flatly and Park nods.

“Very well. What’s her mutation? We talked about it earlier.” He asks and Hyunwoo frowns looking positively confused.

“I thought she didn’t have any.” He answers, genuinely confused and Changkyun forces himself to stay calm, ignoring the impressed whispering of their teammates behind them.

He thinks it’s alarming how easily he could do that and that it’s not something to praise.

“Changkyun.” Jaesang insists and Changkyun knows he’s waiting for him to make Hyunwoo act.

He doesn’t want to do it. Doesn’t want to make Hyunwoo think he’s going to hurt someone but he closes his eyes for a second and pushes the thoughts into the other’s subconscious.

Hyunwoo’s face is of stone when he walks in front of Jia and clutches her arms before throwing her to the other side of the room and with the kind of strength he’s packing, her body collides loudly against the wall before dropping to the floor.

Changkyun cringes, fists shaking at his sides when he hears the gasps around them and he can feel Hyunwoo’s calm break, distress starting to filter in and he whimpers at the sudden pulsing tightness in his head.

“Alright you can let go now.” Park says and Changkyun immediately pulls back, holding his head and squeezing his eyes shut.

“Are you okay?” Jia comes back up to them with a casual smile, dusting her pants while Hyunwoo shakes his head and looks around quickly.

“That was...something.” He says, looking toward Jia worriedly but she brushes him off with a laugh.

“I nearly had my arm cut off earlier, a little push is nothing.” She laughs and Changkyun feels sick - he’s not sure how he can go through more exercise right now.

“That was impressive for someone out of practice. I won’t lie, I wasn’t expecting as much. I almost asked one of you to take Jia’s place.” Dr. Park laughs and Changkyun clenches his teeth, dizziness seeping under his skin.

“Changkyun?” Kihyun asks, coming up to him first and Changkyun briefly wonders if he looks _that_ unwell. If his body really is that weak to its own ability.

Changkyun feels a hand on his back and he tries to blink back the unsteadiness but he leans against him when the room starts spinning a little too much.

“Yeah, sorry, it was a lot. My head is screaming at me a little.” He tries to play it off with a laugh but his knees buckle right as he says that and the next thing he knows, he’s being handled by Hyunwoo and seated on the floor with his back against a wall.

“I think we should let him rest for now.” Hoseok says, standing up for him.

“I would’ve liked to run a few more tests.” Jaesang starts, eyes shifting toward the mirrored wall before looking back at him. “But I understand this will take some getting used to. All of you should rest for now and be back here bright and early tomorrow.” He settles on and Changkyun is relieved because he’s pretty sure he couldn’t handle more right now.

“Let’s get something to eat.” Minhyuk grins and honestly that’s all it takes to melt away all the tension in the room.  
  
  
  


The next few months go by in a blur. Training sessions start early and end late, days blending together and Changkyun isn’t sure when was the last time he didn’t go to bed with an awful headache or woken up shaking from nightmares where he’s drowning.

He feels like they’re trying to make his head burst.

And he’s pretty sure he’s not the only one. If the amount of time Hyunwoo drops by their dorm room to have Kihyun massage some heat into his muscles means anything - they’re really pushing him with the strength training after having declared him the leader of their group.

Once the hand to hand combat training starts, everyone comes by once in a while.

But despite the grueling training and endless days, Changkyun feels like he’s able to finally be himself. He feels nice and at ease with everyone on their team.

Like he’s able to shed off the protective shell he previously built around himself.

He knows that it’s no surprise that they’ve become close with everything they’re being put through together and while it’s not like they had much of a choice to begin with, Changkyun truly believes he’s been thrown together with the most compatible people. 

He’s positive they must have done extensive background searches on them.

Another thing that he’s positive about is that the feelings he harbours for his roommate are definitely more than platonic and he’s not quite sure how he should deal with that. The banters an easy back and forth, the late night conversations where both their minds are still too wired up to fall asleep - without counting the times Changkyun lets his mind run free and thinks about slipping into the bed only a few feet away from his.

At first, Changkyun writes off the feeling as pure physical attraction, alongside blaming himself for being quite easily flustered on Kihyun’s naturally caring personality. How attentive to people he is and how he notices the smallest changes in expressions and demeanors. How he could just take care of him.

Changkyun knows he’s never really had someone like that in his life and he tells himself it would go away soon enough.

It doesn’t.

Weeks turn into months, their teamwork becomes better, their control over their abilities improves fast and Changkyun’s hitch doesn’t go away.

“You’re dead.”

Changkyun blinks as he stares back at Hoseok suddenly squeezing vines around his body and trapping his arms against his sides.

Sighing and dropping down on the floor as soon as he’s let free, Changkyun makes a face at the sweat trickling down his neck - he can’t focus today.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok asks, looking down at him with his head tilted. 

Changkyun hums, attention divided when Hyungwon and Jooheon’s laughter reaches them and he sees Kihyun on his butt, a sour expression on his face and he knows he lost too.

“You still haven’t made a move yet, have you?” Hoseok asks, sitting down next to him for a well-deserved break.

“Sure I have.” Changkyun snorts. “I just walked up to him and told him I want to sit on his dick.” He says, blunt and crude, shamelessness being something he threw out the window a while back and Hoseok flicks the tip of his nose. 

“You know he’s into guys too and while being stuck here, it might help. You never know.” Hoseok mutters. Changkyun just stares at him blankly - he makes it sound too easy.

“What are we talking about? Changkyun’s boner for Kihyun?” Minhyuk whispers, appearing next to them and by now they’ve gotten used to it that they don’t even jump anymore.

“Yep.” Changkyun presses his lips together and Minhyuk pats his head as if sympathizing with him.

Hoseok had been too observant and Minhyuk too sneaky that they found out about his interest a few weeks prior and while it initially made him panic, the fear of them accidentally spilling the beans to Kihyun, Changkyun is now well-passed the point of trying to deny it. He’s never been _ashamed_ of it. He’s come to terms with being attracted to men a long time ago and if there’s one thing people can’t make him feel bad about, it’s this. He simply wishes his interest didn’t stop on someone from their team.

Though he didn’t have to worry about butting heads with them, considering how supportive they showed themselves to be.

“I have to go.” Changkyun groans hauling his body up from the floor, “Jaesang said he wanted me to meet someone to practice a new technique.” He adds vaguely, purposely ignoring their poking.

“Again?” Hoseok frowns.

“It’s like they’re trying to squeeze your brain dry.” Minhyuk adds and Changkyun can’t quite fight back a smile at the concern in their voices.

“I’ll be fine, Jaesang never pushes me if I say it’s too much.” He tries to reassure before he announces his departure loudly to the others.

Changkyun knows he’s got a long way to go to undo all the fears and insecurities he has about using his abilities but, to his surprise, the institute and his teammates really have been helping him in understanding and accepting that he’s actually not some sort of disgrace or scary monster like his parents used to make him feel.

He still scares himself sometimes. 

But he’s working on that.

“Doc!” Changkyun calls when he sees Jaesang talking with someone close by the training room he’s been told to meet them.

“Ah, you’re just in time.” Park smiles, clapping his shoulder amicably. “This is Dr. Jung. She’s very well versed with your kind of mutation.” He smiles and Changkyun tilts his head.

“Shouldn’t Hoseok be here too then?” He questions, knowing that while their abilities are different, they’re both somewhere on the psychic spectrum.

“I specialize in cerebrokinesis.” She smiles, extending a hand and Changkyun reaches out to shake it without much thought.

He quickly snatches his hand back when he feels like tiny little snakes immediately sneak into his veins and up to his head. Looking back at Jaesang, Changkyun frowns when he looks just as confused as him.

“You felt that?” She asks, looking quite surprised but pleased.

“What was that?” He asks with a frown and Park suddenly laughs.

“Let’s go inside. I told you he was good.” He says toward her and Changkyun still frowns, waiting for an explanation.

“I guess this is your first time having someone try to look into your head.” Dr. Jung smiles, a little too amused for Changkyun’s taste.

“You just looked into my head?” He questions, feeling like his privacy has been a tad violated.

“I didn’t have time, most people barely only feel a small tickle, you caught on too fast.” She brushes off his concern.

“This is why you’re here actually.” Jaesang starts and Changkyun turns his confusion toward him.

“To look inside my head?” He asks and the man shakes his head.

“For you to look in other people’s heads.” He clarifies and Changkyun is even more lost.

“Isn’t that what I already do?”

“We’ve been teaching you how to control your ability to change people’s will and actions but from what we’ve seen, we believe you have the potential to actually read minds, see past actions.” Park explains and Changkyun suddenly feels more overwhelmed than he’s felt in weeks.

“What are you talking about? That sounds…” He trails off, unsure of how to put it, feeling like he’s standing at the edge of a cliff.

“Incredibly practical?” Dr. Jung offers, stepping in front of him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s a lot to take in but think about it.”

“The higher ups are pushing down on this Changkyun. They want better, faster. They want teams that will solve all their problems for them and how happy would they be to hear that one of ours can find crucial information from within a few minutes instead of days of interrogation?” Jaesang explains and Changkyun is torn between believing if this man is hating these people as much as them or if he’s at their feet.

He’s been wondering for months.

“I’m barely getting the hang of being comfortable with changing people’s intentions, I don’t even know how I’m supposed to do _that_.” He refutes weakly, already knowing he won’t have a way out of this.

“That’s why I’m here. I’ll guide you.” Dr. Jung says, grabbing his hands and Changkyun flinches. “Don’t worry I won’t try to look. I know you can sense me.” She grins and Changkyun isn’t sure if it’s wicked or simply amused.

“I’ll let you two to it. I need to have a word with Hyunwoo.” Park says and Changkyun almost reaches out to cling to his sleeve because he doesn’t feel comfortable staying alone with the other doctor but he holds back and simply nods.

Once they’re alone, the silence is pressing and Changkyun’s eyes are trained on the woman, unsure of what her intentions are.

“You’re wary of me.” She declares easily. “That’s good. Trusting too easily can be dangerous in this world.” She finishes, motioning for him to sit at a table in front of her.

Changkyun complies, fingers drumming nervously on the table.

“I’m sorry. This is just a lot.” He apologizes sincerely and Dr. Jung smiles at him, tamer this time.

“I know. I was only a child when I was forced to develop this ability. I know how overwhelming the thought of it is.” She admits and Changkyun nods again.

“How am I supposed to go about it?” He asks because he has no idea what he should even focus on.

“The ability that instinctively comes to us is to infiltrate the cerebellum and to put it simply take action over someone’s body. But it’s so much more than that. With enough practice it’s possible to get hold of the hippocampus structure of the brain.” She explains and Changkyun almost feels like she’s speaking another language but at the same time it feels pretty obvious what she’s trying to say.

“Let me guess, the part that retains memories.” Changkyun offers and Dr. Jung smiles.

“You catch on fast.” She nods. “It’s a very deep and small part of the brain you need to focus on to access. That’s why it doesn’t come naturally to you.” She says and Changkyun wonders if they’ve brainwashed him for him to believe this makes sense. 

But it does.

“Just grab my hands.” She says, pushing her hands toward him and Changkyun slowly reaches out to her, unsure of actually going through with it. “At first, physical contact is necessary to establish a connection.” Dr. Jung encourages and Changkyun finds himself obeying silently.

“Now what?” He asks when she looks back at him just as silently.

“Let yourself be guided. Pulled in like you usually would. But you need to dig deeper. Search harder. I’m going to project a memory at you to make it easier. Find it.” She instructs and Changkyun nods.

Infiltrating someone’s brain has become easy now. He’s had a lot of practice with different people but he’s always focused on the same procedures. Now he’s trying to go past that. It makes his head throb. It feels like it’s something he’s not supposed to be doing.

It feels wrong.

But he keeps pushing. He keeps looking despite the resistance. He thinks of the time Jooheon said it felt like they were trying to make his body outrun his mind or how Hyungwon almost forgot what his own body felt like after an intensive week training. If they haven’t given up through that, he can’t pull back now.

Clenching Dr. Jung’s hands, Changkyun feels a different kind of pull. It’s weak and it seems distant but he can _feel_ it.

“I think I’m close.” He mutters and just as the words leave his mouth, an image flashes inside of his head, unknown faces appearing in his brain and out of reflex, he lets go and completely pulls out.

“Fuck.” He breathes, shaky, eyes wide as he looks back at Dr. Jung.

“Again.” She says instantly, reaching out for his hands again and Changkyun blinks, on the verge of feeling overwhelmed again.

“Just give me a minute -”

“No. You’ll get too tired. Now.” She demands.

Swallowing back any retort, Changkyun dives back in, more aware of where to put his focus but still having a hard time reaching it.

Shaking every useless thought away, Changkyun concentrates on that small burst of energy he can feel. He can feel himself quickly being drained and just as he’s about to give up, he gets another flash of people.

Instead of being shocked and pulling away, this time he pushes harder, invades what he now knows is the memory Dr. Jung is projecting toward him. He sees an older man and a little girl smiling and playing around near a lake and when he’s about to reach further, he’s pushed back completely and he snaps back into reality.

“I think that’s enough for now.” Dr. Jung says, reaching into her pocket to offer him a tissue and Changkyun only then realizes that his nose is bleeding.

“Shit.” He mutters, wiping away the blood and pinching the bridge of his nose. “Was that you?” He asks and Dr. Jung tilts her head, waiting for him to elaborate. “The little girl by the lake with the old man.” He clarifies and she smiles.

“That was me with my grandfather some forty years ago.” She says and Changkyun is hit with the realization that he just had a glimpse of a time he wasn’t even born.

“That’s...A lot.” He whispers, sniffling slowly, making sure no more blood is coming out.

“Get some rest.” She says, standing up but Changkyun stays seated for a while longer.

His head feels like it’s about to rip in half. The pulsating in his temples impossible to ignore and he can feel the migraine already creeping in his forehead. Sighing to himself, Changkyun slowly makes his way back to their dorm, his legs feeling heavy and thoughts so jumbled he almost doesn’t notice Jooheon leaving their room.

“Hey you okay?” He asks, reaching out to grab his arm and Changkyun hums.

“Maybe I pushed a little too much today, I’ll just sleep it off, you?” He asks and Jooheon rubs at his face. Changkyun knows they’re all being tested on a daily basis and it’s starting to get to them.

“I’m okay...They’re being more intense with the whole avoiding projectiles thing.” He brushes him off and Changkyun chuckles, patting him back before moving to enter the room.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He says and Jooheon nods before disappearing a few doors down the corridor.

When Changkyun walks in, part of his exhaustion evaporates with the simple fact of being back somewhere he’s comfortable, with someone who makes him feel at ease.

“Hey, you were training late.” Kihyun greets him, sitting at the desk in their room, glasses perched on his nose, simple white tee clinging to his chest and maybe Changkyun is a little whipped but he thinks he looks his best like that.

It doesn’t prevent the groan from leaving Changkyun when he spots the thick book opened before him.

“Please tell me you’re not still studying.” He knows Kihyun has been learning about the planning and technical side of things.

Letting himself fall on Kihyun’s bed, Changkyun sighs, relief slowly starting to creep inside of him - He realized a while ago that there’s something about the scent and softness of his pillow that brings him comfort. 

He needs that right now.

“I was just trying to search up on regeneration. What Jia does. I can’t seem to find much though.” He explains. “Until Jooheon showed up all bruised.” He finishes with a loud sigh and Changkyun hums rolling on his stomach - he’s sort of glad he didn’t walk in a bit sooner.

It worries him sometimes how much they’re being pushed and tested. It makes him wonder just what kind of missions they’ll be sent into if they need to go through all those excessive methods.

Changkyun rests his chin on his arm so he can stare at Kihyun. Sometimes he feels bad for him. He feels like they might be taking advantage of his ability. Of course he never complains and even helps with a smile but when he really looks at him, Changkyun can see the dark circles under his eyes. Exhaustion dragging his shoulders down at the end of the day.

“What is it?”

Changkyun blinks at the question, not expecting to be addressed.

“Nothing.” He speaks slowly.

The vibration of his own voice resonates too loudly against his skull.

“Why are you giving me the puppy eyes if there’s nothing?”

Kihyun raises a brow and Changkyun rests his head on the pillow. He didn’t even realize he was looking at him like that.

Changkyun chews on the inside of his cheek, debating whether he should ask for help or not.

He decides after a mere few seconds that he can’t stand the pain in his brain. “Can you come here?” He mumbles, voice muffled against the pillow but he can hear Kihyun getting up.

Even the snap of the closing book almost sounds like a gunshot in his head and makes him wince.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asks, crouching next to his own bed and Changkyun turns his head toward him, heart leaping a little when Kihyun pushes a hand into his hair, cool fingertips playing with the strands and soothing against his scalp.

“I met Dr. Jung today. She started teaching me how to look into her memories.” He explains softly, head hurting too much to delve too much into the details right away.

Kihyun stays silent for a moment, fingers still massaging against his head and Changkyun almost wants to fall asleep like this.

“That doesn’t tell me if you’re okay.” He speaks quietly, resting his chin against the edge of his bed and Changkyun blinks slowly at him.

He likes how Kihyun looks when they’re together. When it’s only the two of them and his features are soft. No sharp edges, no steely gaze. He likes how easily he can count the small constellation of freckles on his face. He kind of wishes he could trace them with the tip of his finger.

He can usually focus on that when he’s in pain and he doesn’t want to bother Kihyun but it’s too bad right now and there’s a sudden urge to cry festering rapidly in his chest.

Fighting back tears, Changkyun clears his throat but his voice still comes out tight and unstable.

“I’m tired of my head hurting.” He admits and while it sounds so simple and almost like a childish complaint, Kihyun seems to fully grasp the meaning of it.

“Sit up.” He says suddenly taking his hand from his hair and Changkyun wants to protest, not wanting to move but he still listens, pushing himself up and rolling around to sit up.

Changkyun watches silently while Kihyun chucks his pillow away and sits back against the headboard, legs splayed just enough to give space for him.

“Come here.” He instructs, slowly steering him until Changkyun’s back is resting against his chest and he gently guides his head back against his shoulder.

“Are you going to work your magic on me?” Changkyun asks almost teasingly, if only trying to hide the way his heart jumps. How he always avoids confronting his own feelings

“Get cheeky with me and I’ll throw you on your own bed.” Kihyun retorts lightly.

“Ooh kinky.” He grins, keeping to himself the part where he knows he definitely wouldn’t be opposed to that if he were feeling better.

Kihyun only flicks the tip of his ear before getting to work.

Shifting a little to get more comfortable, Changkyun closes his eyes, enjoying the soft presses at his temples and forehead - the exact spots where his pain is the worst.

Humming pleasantly when the tightness seems to loosen around his skull, Changkyun lets his hands rest against Kihyun’s knees on each side of his hips to squeeze in a silent thank you.

“Earlier what you said,” Kihyun starts and Changkyun gives another short hum. “Are you going to be able to read minds?” He asks and Changkyun chuckles quietly.

“I don’t think I’d be able to do that any time soon. Dr. Jung basically projected a specific memory at me and my nose started bleeding from trying to look into it.” He waves him off and he can practically feel the concern trickling from him.

“But it’s possible.” Kihyun muses and Changkyun thinks about it for a moment.

“When you look at it from a different perspective, everything you’re thinking about instantly becomes a past memory.” He muses as one of Kihyun’s hands moves to the back of his neck and messages warmth there too. “So I guess it is possible. But I don’t think you have to worry about me reading your mind.” He laughs quietly and Kihyun chuckles.

“Be careful with all of that, yeah?” He speaks quietly and Changkyun pulls his head back to look at his face.

“Is that worry I hear?” He asks, grasping at his chest in faux shock.

“Appreciate it while it’s here.” Kihyun retorts, pushing his head away and Changkyun chuckles, a certain lightness in his chest he’s not quite ready to acknowledge.

“I’ll try.”

  
  
  
  


“Will you come outside with me?”

Changkyun looks up from his late night snack to find Kihyun looking at him patiently. “But it’s cold.”

“Come on, we’re stuck inside almost all day.” He pushes and Changkyun glances around the practically empty hall and sighs.

“Fine, let me grab a jacket.”

Once they’re out in the gardens at the back of the institute, Changkyun wonders why Kihyun asked him to come along since he hasn’t said a word.

At least it feels nice to breathe in fresh air.

“Are you okay?” Changkyun chances after a minute of them sitting on one of the small benches, feeling a tad too unnerved by the silence.

Kihyun smiles and lets his head fall back to look at the dark sky. Starless with the city’s bright lights.

“Yeah...I have a lot on my mind and I was hoping you could talk my ears off about some of your far-fetched theories or useless facts you got stored up there.” He chuckles, gently knocking on his head and Changkyun makes a show of scoffing and being half-heartedly offended.

“I always knew you enjoyed them.” He snorts, bumping shoulders together, 

He thinks back of all the times Kihyun rolled his eyes at the ridiculousness of some conversations they’ve had too late at night and smiles, knowing that he’s never actually been annoyed with them.

“I kind of miss home.” Kihyun drops and Changkyun turns his head to look at him.

They’ve never talked about their homes. About their lives before all of this. Ever.

Kihyun is still looking at the sky and Changkyun doesn’t think he looks sad but it feels like there’s a certain longing ghosting over his features.

“You know how when we first met, Minhyuk said we grew up together along with Jooheon?” Changkyun nods slowly, unsure of where this is going but understanding that this is Kihyun opening up to him.

He asked _him_ to come outside.

The thought somewhat warms his heart.

“What he didn’t say is that we grew up in the same orphanage.” He trails off quietly and Changkyun frowns a little more than confused.

“Is that orphanage the place you call home?” Genuinely curious, Changkyun asks because from what he’s heard, Orphanages usually aren’t the best or safest places.

But there’s a meek smile growing on Kihyun’s face. “Youngmi...The woman running the orphanage. She’s the one who basically raised us. The nicest person I’ve ever known.” He speaks, a faraway look on his face, almost as if he’s reminiscing old memories. “When she died...Minhyuk and Jooheon couldn’t bear to stay there but it was the opposite for me.” He explains, voice tight and Changkyun reaches out to touch his hand. He links their little finger together, unsure if Kihyun takes comfort in touchiness. 

Unsure if he’s even doing it for Kihyun or more for himself.

“You stayed.” He assumes and Kihyun hums, eyes shifting from their hands to his face.

Changkyun finds it striking how open and gentle Kihyun’s usually sharp calculating eyes are.

“I stayed. Helped take care of the younger kids there. I wanted them to feel the same way I felt growing up there.” Changkyun smiles. Understands why Kihyun is so damn good at caring for others despite a strong steely facade. “You know, children have the ability to make you feel special and so damn ordinary at the same time.” He chuckles. 

Changkyun doesn’t know, but he doesn’t doubt it.

“You miss them?” He asks, hoping that Kihyun wasn’t ripped away from them the same way he was taken from his old life.

Especially if there’s a lot of little ones waiting for him.

Kihyun nods, unlinking their fingers, giving his hand a squeeze before taking it back to himself and rubbing at the side of his neck “It’s officially my birthday.” He declares and Changkyun raises a brow. “The older kids would always force me to stay in bed and make me breakfast.” He admits and Changkyun isn’t sure what to say.

Kihyun is rarely so bare and honest with his feelings. He always tries to be strong for all of them, putting on a brave front even if they’re all hurting and seeing him like this is quite unsettling.

“I would cook for you if I knew how.” He shrugs, truly hoping that Kihyun isn’t expecting some profound or comforting words from him.

He’s pretty sure he’s looking for a distraction instead or he has a feeling he would’ve gone to Hoseok or Hyungwon if he needed that.

The way a smile slowly stretches on Kihyun’s face makes him believe he’s right.

“I can always offer birthday kisses.” He pushes upon seeing his reaction, pulling obnoxious kissy faces.

Kihyun laughs and slaps a hand over his mouth, pushing his head away but there’s a moment, a fleeting second when a look passes over his face that almost makes Changkyun freeze.

Almost like he wouldn’t mind if he actually did that.

It’s gone as soon as it appears and Changkyun files it away as his own wishful thinking.

“Do you think they’ll give us guns?” He asks out of the blue, clearing his throat, if only to keep Kihyun’s mind from what’s bothering him.

“Yes.”

“You sound pretty damn sure.” Changkyun raises a brow and Kihyun chuckles.

“I heard Jaesang talk to someone about it the other day.”

With the silence that follows, Changkyun wonders if he spoiled the mood with bringing that up.

But at that moment, Kihyun slaps his thigh, making him jump before he pushes off the bench.

“Let’s head back inside, it’s too fucking cold.”

Changkyun’s mouth hangs open for a second. “I _told_ you that.”

“Yeah well, sue me, I didn’t want people eavesdropping while I spilled my feelings.”

“We literally share a room.”

While they bicker, heading back toward said room, Changkyun silently wonders when he’ll get to see this side of Kihyun again.

If he’ll even show him again at all.

  
  
  
  


“Changkyun, Jooheon, let’s start with you two.”

Changkyun’s eyes move between Park and Jooheon. This is the first time they’re trying hand to hand combat with each other and not with one of the facility trainers and the only thing he can think of is, how the fuck is he supposed to fight someone he can barely see move? He knows he could already try to get inside his head to physically have Jooheon stop himself but it takes him too much time to concentrate.

At least he doesn’t have to practice with Hyunwoo considering his strength.

Or Hoseok who picked up martial arts training as a hobby a few years prior.

Once both of them take their stance on the blue mats, Changkyun tries to figure out how Jooheon will attack first so he can at least try to stop him even if he can’t actually _see_ him move.

But to his surprise, it’s like everything is moving in slow motion for a second and he can see Jooheon going for his legs to take him down and in a reflex he picks up his guard,

And hits him right in the face.

“ _Fuck_.”

“Shit, are you okay?”

Changkyun drops his guard and moves to grab Jooheon’s face in his hands, the other holding his mouth and there’s a slow trickle of red going down his chin.

“Why were you so damn slow?” Minhyuk voices, somewhere between confusion and amusement and Jooheon frowns.

“I wasn’t trying to?” He mumbles, wiping the blood from his lips and chin.

“Amazing isn’t it?” Jaesang chuckles and they all turn to him.

“What?” Hyunwoo smartly asks and on all their behalf.

“This room. These walls. They hold the same technology as mutant holding cells. They nullify all of your abilities.” He explains with a grin and Changkyun blinks blankly.

When Park told them to meet here, he thought the room they usually use was simply already taken by another group. Not, _this_.

He remembers reading about how people used to capture mutants to experiment on them and how they had to keep them confined somewhere they couldn’t escape.

It kind of makes him feel uneasy to think they’re in a room like that.

“Alright, Jooheon, sit back for a minute and take care of that. Kihyun, step in.” Park instructs and Changkyun feels a rush going through him when Kihyun steps on the mat, eyes sharp and looking like he’s already trying to predict his moves.

Once they get the signal, Kihyun swiftly charges at him, grabbing one of his arms that’s hanging too low for a proper guard, yanking him closer and hooking a foot behind his ankle to trip him.

Not having time to actually react, Changkyun ends up on his back, the wind knocked out of him when Kihyun lands on him. Sitting back on his waist, Kihyun grabs his hands and pins them down to the mat.

“I win.” He grins before pushing himself off of him and offering him a hand.

“That was too fast, we didn’t even have time to bet on who would win.” Hyungwon says flatly.

“A second round then. First to tap out this time.” Jaesang chuckles.

“I’m betting on Kihyun.” Minhyuk calls and Changkyun sends him a short glare before looking back at Kihyun.

He looks like he’s having fun and it’s bringing the smallest hint of competitiveness out of him.

Getting back into positions, Changkyun is ready this time. He feels like he knows what to expect so he keeps his defense higher and waits for Kihyun to attack first.

When he does, Changkyun spins so he can stand behind him and bring him down in a chokehold. He manages to wrap an arm around his neck and secure it with the other one but being practically the same height, when Kihyun grabs his forearm and bend forward, Changkyun’s feet leave the mat and, in an instant, he’s going over Kihyun’s shoulder and slamming back onto the floor.

Before he has time to get up again, Kihyun is on the ground next to him, his legs wrapping around his neck and pulling at his hand to have him tap out.

Changkyun feels the strain inside his elbow joint and he tries to think of the techniques he’s learned to get out of holds but his thoughts are jumbled and he’s starting to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen.

“Just tap already.” Kihyun groans but Changkyun decides to give him a little more work.

He turns his head as much as he can and bites down on the inside of Kihyun’s leg.

“Fuck!"

Changkyun manages to escape the hold when he feels it loosen a little and he gets back up, working hard to catch his breath.

“Did you just _bite_ me?” Kihyun asks, staring up at him with a look of pure betrayal and Changkyun grins.

“Minhyuk said if you can’t fight smart, fight dirty.” 

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Kihyun stands up in a flash and rushes in front of him striking an open palm right in the center of his chest.

Changkyun almost completely folds in half at the sudden hit and Kihyun takes advantage of it to wrap his arm around his neck and choke him.

“That's pretty good advice.” He muses, squeezing his arm and Changkyun can’t think of a way to get out.

His breath was already short from the strike and now with his windpipe being crushed he just can’t see a way out of it.

He gives Kihyun’s arm three rapid taps when he feels his vision starting to blur and knees buckling.

Immediately the pressure around his neck is gone and Kihyun is stroking a hand down his back.

“You okay?” He asks but his tone is light, gloating, nothing close to worried.

“Why are you so good at this?” He coughs straightening up and Kihyun shrugs.

“I’ve been practicing this more than you.” He offers simply.

“Also, not going to lie, you kind of suck at this Kyun.” Jooheon shoots Hyungwon snorts.

“Says the one with a bleeding face.”

“I was _unprepared_.” He sulks.

“Eventually I want all of you to train with one another. I want you to be comfortable with different kinds of people. Different kinds of defenses and bodies.” Jaesang says and they all nod.

This is going to be a long process. 

  
  
  
  


Changkyun can’t sleep.

He’s been rolling around in bed for too fucking long and he’s getting annoyed with himself. 

They were given the information about their first official mission the next day and while it seems pretty simple, Park insisting that it normally wouldn’t require their entire team there - something about being a recon mission with no action or fighting to be involved, Changkyun is nervous.

He’s scared they’re going to ask him to do something and his brain is going to go on a block and be useless.

There’s been a promise of more freedom and time to themselves if they succeed but what if things go south? What if they’re spotted? What then?

He knows they all have roles to play. They sat down and came up with a plan and he knows Minhyuk has it worse because he’s expected to actually venture closer than all of them but he can’t help it.

Can’t help the feeling that something will go _wrong_.

Looking to the other side of the room, Changkyun can barely make out Kihyun’s silhouette on his own bed, facing toward him and he’s almost jealous of how peaceful he seems to be.

Squinting at the alarm clock on the desk, Changkyun sighs when he sees how _late_ it is. The red digits almost mocking him. They have to be up in a few hours and he hasn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

Glancing back at Kihyun, Changkyun thinks - _fuck it_ \- and stands from his bed, shuffling to the other side of the room.

“Kihyun.” He whispers loudly, not wanting to startle him but Kihyun still immediately stirs and blinks slowly at him.

“What’s wrong?” He mumbles, about to sit up but Changkyun presses a hand on his chest to keep him down.

“Scoot.” He speaks softly and Kihyun clearly barely has time to process his words that Changkyun is slipping into his bed and cozying up to him.

“Can’t sleep?”

“Something like that...”

Changkyun rests his head on his collarbone, the tip of his nose pressing against Kihyun’s neck and the - now familiar - subtle hint of sandalwood doesn’t fail to calm his nerves a little.

“Is it about tomorrow?” Kihyun asks, speech slightly slurred with sleep but he still moves an arm around him to comb his fingers through his hair and Changkyun wants to say no. He doesn’t want to be the one being scared.

But he knows Kihyun can always see right through him when he lies.

“I’m just nervous.” He still skirts around the truth, sliding his arm over Kihyun’s waist, fingers slipping under the hem of his shirt so he can feel the warmth and texture of his skin on them.

“We’re going to be fine, you know?”

“You can’t be sure.”

“Do you really think they’d send a bunch of inexperienced fools into something dangerous or important right from the start?”

Changkyun knows they’ve trained a lot, coming up with different plans according to different situations. He knows they’re getting pretty good at that. But he _knows_ Kihyun is trying to downplay the situation to make him feel better.

“We’re also still mutants. We can’t be sure how lowly they actually think of us. What they’re ready to put us through. For all we know we could just be another experiment to them.” He voices his fears, his past experiences nagging at the back of his mind.

Kihyun is silent for a while at his words and Changkyun almost holds his breath. He feels like he might have struck a chord there and he isn’t sure if he should say something else.

“I don’t think they would train us to basically become soldiers if they thought that lowly of us.”

“And yet they have rooms they can throw all of us in where we’d all become useless- ”

“Changkyun.”

Changkyun stops and bites his tongue at the tone. It’s not angry or dismissive but it’s firm.

Kihyun blindly fondles his face for a second, craning his head up so he can look at him.

“Stop it.” He whispers and Changkyun fights the urge to look away. 

He can barely see his eyes glinting in the darkness but he’s too close. Too open.

“I can’t help it.” He breathes, trying to mentally calm himself but his thoughts are still all over the place.

“I’ll give it to you. Whoever is leading up there has us in the palm of their hand. But we’re also more than our mutation.” He explains and Changkyun almost feels like he’s being lectured. “We’ve been learning about how to gather information, observe people. Fucking fight without any ability and shoot guns. You need to get out of your head and see this. And if they were to fuck us over, we’ve got each other’s backs. All of us. We’d work our way through.” He encourages and takes in a short breath.

There’s something about the way Kihyun is speaking that sounds so fiercely protective. It makes an almost foreign feeling clog up his throat.

Shaking Kihyun’s hands away from him, Changkyun pushes his face against the crook of his neck, fingers flexing against his skin and he wants to say so much. Feels like he should say more than the wobbly thank you that leaves him but Kihyun wraps his arms around him, almost bringing him completely on top of his body and Changkyun thinks he gets him.

He understands


	2. Chapter 2

“Are we going to have some cool hero suits?”

“Are we getting paid for this?”

Changkyun finds himself smiling at Jooheon and Minhyuk’s inquiries because he kind of thought about that too a few times before.

Jaesang grumbles and knocks a knuckle on the top of their heads as he walks behind their chairs. “Can you at least let me have my two minutes. They’re not exactly superhero suits but you’ll have access to equipment and of course, compensation.” He sighs loudly in false exasperation, reaching into his pocket and pulling out cards. “Your expenses are all covered but we _will_ reserve ourselves the right to limit you if you take advantage of it.” He insists, eyes boring into Minhyuk’s.

“Why are you looking only at me?” He complains and Changkyun snickers.

“You’re the one who asked.” Hoseok laughs.

Changkyun admits it’s kind of difficult to not feel at least a little badass once they’re all geared up. Park explains how much the protective vests can absorb and how parts of the fabrics have been altered to fit some of their abilities. They’ve also given earpieces and phones to facilitate communication - which they’re only supposed to use with each other or to contact people from the facility.

Changkyun assumes all of their conversations will be recorded anyways.

“The firearms you’re given are basic and should be used only as a last resort. Bullets leave marks, evidence. They gather attention.” The man explains and Changkyun wants to ask why they should be worried about evidence if they’re working for a governmental branch and going after bad people but he deems it wiser to stay silent on that.  
  
  


Much like when they all first met him, Changkyun can’t find it in himself to blurt out any of the random thoughts going through his head. None of the fears and observations nagging at him. He finds himself not uttering a single word as they pack into a van and drive off to the coordinates they were given.

Hyunwoo slows down when the GPS indicates their destination is a few meters ahead. Changkyun has looked at the file. He’s seen the pictures of the hideout. He knew it would look like a regular house and yet it feels wrong. It feels like they’re not supposed to be here.

Sucking in a short breath when Hyunwoo stops the engine, Changkyun becomes all too aware of his surroundings. How Kihyun hasn’t let go of his hand after he first grabbed it to find himself some sort of comfort. How constricting the protective vest is around his chest. How the holster strapped around his thigh digs into his leg. 

How Jooheon’s legs bounce restlessly on his other side.

Hand shooting out, Changkyun squeezes his knee to keep the movement from making his anxiety grow even more.

Jooheon turns to him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I was doing it.”

“Min, are you sure you’re okay with getting close first?”

Changkyun’s head snaps back to the front of the van at Hyunwoo’s voice.

“Yes.” Minhyuk’s reply is assured.

Changkyun wonders if he’s even a little scared.

“It wouldn’t be smart to change plans now. We went over it before leaving.” Kihyun throws, level-headed and Changkyun wishes he could be like them right now.

“I’ll make a first round, come back and tell you what’s the situation.” Minhyuk repeats what they already confirmed before.

When Minhyuk opens the door to get out, Kihyun reaches out to grasp his arm. “ _Be_ careful.” He insists.

“Don’t get all protective over me now.” He teases but it’s obvious in the way that he squeezes his arm back that he appreciates it.

And just like that, Minhyuk disappears before their eyes.

Changkyun rests his head back on the headrest, closing his eyes and focusing on keeping his breathing deep and steady. He knows Minhyuk is going to be fine. He knows he might act loud and brash but he’s smart. He knows when to stop playing around.

Yet he can’t help the ball in the pit of his stomach from growing. What if something happens to him and they don’t know because they can’t _see_ him? What if he’s somehow spotted before he can call out to them?

“You’re worrying too much again.” Kihyun speaks and Changkyun startles in the otherwise quiet van.

“I’m not. I was just resting my eyes.” He lies, avoiding looking at him.

“For someone who’s relaxed, you don’t seem to have a problem crushing my fingers.” Kihyun retorts and Changkyun flushes, remembering he is indeed still clutching Kihyun’s hand on his lap.

“He’s going to be fine.” Hoseok reassures, turning from the seat in front of him.

“There isn’t any sort of commotion either so they clearly haven’t spotted him or anything.” Hyungwon adds, eyes still glued toward the hideout and Changkyun sighs.

“I know..I _know_. It just feels weird sitting here, waiting.”

Changkyun is met with quiet agreement from the others and he takes a second before slapping his free hand on top of Jooheon’s bouncing leg again.

It takes a few more minutes before the door of the van pulls open, startling all of them when Minhyuk slides back inside and reappears.

“Okay so. Good and bad news.” He starts, catching everyone’s attention. “Good news, our guy is in some sort of meeting about the sensitive information we’re supposed to gather.”

“What about the bad news?” Kihyun pushes when Minhyuk pauses.

“I’m trying to create a little bit of suspense here.” Minhyuk shoots back and Kihyun sighs loudly.

“Please, this is serious.”

“Okay geez. Bad news, there’s a dude acting like he’s just sitting on the porch but he’s definitely keeping guard and there’s no other way in. No way I can sneak past him.”

“What do we do then? We can’t just get back from our first mission empty-handed.” Jooheon frowns.

“Wonnie you might have to step in.” Minhyuk tilts his head toward him and Hyungwon blinks slowly at him.

“It’s not that I’m against the idea but I’m not sure how you expect me to approach him without being noticed. I still need physical contact to take someone’s appearance.” He raises a brow.

“What if Changkyun went with you?” Hyunwoo proposes and Changkyun’s head snaps toward him.

“You want me to control the guy?”

“Getting him down from the porch and keeping him from alerting anyone inside would be enough.” Hyungwon hums.

“What if I can’t do it? What if I freeze? That’s a whole lot of responsibility.” Changkyun frets.

“I’ve experienced your pull first-handed on the first day. I know you can do this now.” Hyunwoo smiles at him and Changkyun turns his head toward Kihyun.

“Coming up with a new plan so last minute is a little reckless but we don’t really have a choice. I have to agree with Hyunwoo. You’ve been practicing hard.”

“...Okay. Okay.” Changkyun mutters to himself, feeling the blood pump faster in his veins. He knows adrenaline is already starting to rush through his system at the thought of getting that close and have the others count on him to not get them in a precarious situation.

“I’ll go with you and knock him out as soon as Hyungwon takes his appearance. You won’t have to keep a hold on him for too long.” Hyunwoo reassures and Changkyun nods because it sort of does make him feel more at ease.

Casually walking up to the hideout, Changkyun feels nerves scrambling up his stomach and he wishes they could get there faster to just... _get it done_. But he knows that charging up there would alert them a lot easier.

“How close do you need to be to get hold of him?” Hyunwoo asks him and Changkyun frowns. He’s been staring at the man since he came into view, trying to get in but he can only feel him and Hyungwon on his other side.

“I’m not sure. I’ve only done it from up close before.” He mutters and Hyunwoo hums.

“If you can’t do it once we’re closer just tap our hands and we’ll just walk by and come up with something else.” He proposes and Changkyun nods.

It makes him feel more at ease to have some sort of way out. Even if not ideal.

But a moment before Changkyun starts to panic because they’re definitely getting too close, he can start sensing the man.

“I feel him.” He mumbles to alert the others but he frowns because the man seems to be guarded. Instead of being able to flood inside, it feels like he needs to force his way in.

The man frowns on the porch and starts looking around until his eyes fall on them. 

Changkyun can vaguely hear Hyunwoo or Hyungwon trying to tell him something but everything around him besides the man feels like static. They’ve been spotted, he _needs_ to get to him. Fast. 

Forcing the mental barricade down, Changkyun feels a wave of dizziness hit him hard and he reaches out to hold onto whoever is at his left because he’s got him. He’s got the man. But he’s having a hard time controlling him. Much like he’s fighting back.

But Changkyun manages to have him stepping down the porch and marching up close to them before he becomes aware of his own tunnel vision and everything fading to black a second later. 

When he blinks awake, Changkyun quickly realizes that he’s back in the van. His head pillowed on Kihyun’s lap with his hands holding it gently. Hoseok is worriedly peering down at him from the front seat and Changkyun realizes that the van is _moving_.

“Shit. What happened? Did Hyungwon manage to get inside?” He asks, trying to sit up but Kihyun prevents him from doing so.

“We got what we needed. What happened to _you_?” Hyunwoo demands from the driver’s seat and Changkyun frowns, forcing his brain to clear up.

“You scared us. It’s like you didn’t hear us and then your nose started bleeding and you passed out.” Hyungwon says and it clicks in his head.

“I think the guy had some sort of resistance built up. It was hard to get to him and when he looked at us I panicked a little and pushed more than I should’ve.” He explains almost sheepishly and Hyungwon scowls.

“Well don’t do that. That was the most stressful thing I had to do and I had to worry about your ass too.” He adds and Changkyun chuckles.

“Sorry. What were the documents and meetings about anyway?” he asks, eager to get the attention off of his condition. 

“Something about an attack planned in a few weeks against some government building.” Minhyuk offers vaguely and Changkyun hums.

They’re really dealing with bad people.

Feeling waves of warmth soothing over his head, Changkyun moves his attention to Kihyun and smiles a little.

“You don’t need to do that I’m fine, don’t worry.” He says and Kihyun almost looks caught off guard.

“I’m not worried.” He mutters.

Changkyun snorts. “Say it to your face then.” He reaches up to push at the frown between his brows.

“Alright then.” Kihyun purses his mouth, pushing him off his lap and into a seating position.

Changkyun groans a little at the sudden fast movement but rests his head on Jooheon’s shoulder on his other side, a flicker of amusement in his stomach at Kihyun’s reaction. 

Once they get back, they let Hyunwoo report to Jaesang, claiming he should do it since he’s their leader but really, it’s just an excuse so they can all escape back to their room to rest sooner.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Kihyun asks as soon as the door to their room closes.

Changkyun hums with his best attempt at a reassuring smile. “I’m fine. It’s not like it’s the first time I faint after pushing too hard.” He laughs a little, trying to make light of the situation because it’s true. More than once he’s had to sit down and take a break after his vision betrayed him.

Kihyun doesn’t seem to think it’s something to laugh at. If judging by the pinched expression on his face.

“Changkyun you need to be careful.” He starts, standing in front of him with his arms crossed over his chest. “You don’t know how much that could affect you.” He chastised.

“Don’t talk as if I’m the only one.” He raises a brow. “I can see how much it’s draining you these days to heal us. It takes you longer to recuperate.” He throws and he knows that, in a way, he’s deflecting but it’s also a concern he’s been having.

Kihyun looks vaguely caught off guard that he noticed. But then he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose in defeat.

“You know our abilities are mostly based on all kinds of energies. I think we’ve all been draining ourselves a little too much.” He concludes and Changkyun steps forward, catching Kihyun’s hand away from his face to hold it in his.

“Maybe we’ll get a bit of a break. With what Jaesang said if our first mission was successful. Which it was.” He insists and Kihyun hums.

“We’ll see what they mean by more freedom.”

  
  
  


More freedom comes a few days later in a few words spoken excitedly.

“Let’s go out.”

Changkyun looks up from where he’s nestled next to Hyungwon in the common area, unsure if he trusts the enthusiastic glint in Jooheon’s eyes.

“Go where?” Hyungwon asks for the both of them and Changkyun can now spot Minhyuk and Kihyun walking up to them too.

“We found a club nearby.” Minhyuk supplies and Changkyun raises a brow.

“...Why?” He questions, eyes shifting to Kihyun, feeling like he’d somehow be a voice of reason in this.

But he just shrugs at him with a held back smile.

“Weren’t we _just_ told to manage our expenses?” He tries.

“We already checked with Jaesang and he said once won’t hurt and we don’t have to get up early tomorrow anyway.” Jooheon supplies expectantly.

Changkyun wonders if there’s actually any truth to that. But then again, he wouldn’t be surprised if the man encouraged that kind of behavior.

Hyungwon hums, “It actually sounds fun.” He agrees.

Changkyun feels slightly cornered when they all turn to him.

“Hyunwoo and Hoseok are getting ready.” Kihyun adds and Changkyun sighs, knowing the decision has already been made.

“I only have sweats and training clothes.”

“Just borrow something from Ki.” Minhyuk offers, grabbing one of his hands and pulling him up.

“I do have a few nice shirts.”

Changkyun wants to feel betrayed. Wants to say that Kihyun should be on his side but, the more he thinks about it, the more the idea of spending time together outside of the institute and training environment seems appealing.

After being dragged back to their room, Changkyun is pretty much shoved into the bathroom with an outfit that had already been picked out for him.

He realizes with a small smile that they already knew what he would initially say so to try and save himself.

Unsure of how the clothes feel at first after being too used to constantly wear training clothes, Changkyun stops once he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. 

He looks great. 

The deep burgundy button up looks good against his skin and the black jeans hug his legs and ass nicely.

“Are you done soon? The others are waiting.” Kihyun calls from the room and Changkyun throws himself one last glance, opting to undo the top button before joining him.

“I don’t know why you brought so many nice clothes here but I’m really feeling myself so thanks.” He mutters, eyes casted down as he focuses on the cuff of his sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

He’s sort of glad he did because he’s pretty sure his words would have died down mid sentence at how _fine_ Kihyun looks.

Changkyun isn’t sure what exactly it is that makes him stare like a fool. Maybe it’s the pushed back hair accenting his sharp features or maybe the simple black shirt tucked into black pants look. It might even be the fact that he’s got one more button undone than him. Because while he’s seen Kihyun in various states of undressed - with being roommates and all - there’s something incredibly attractive about the glimpses of skin whenever he moves. 

Kihyun fixes him with a knowing smile and Changkyun hurries by him to put on shoes, hiding his heated face. He needs to learn how to subtly gawk.

Once they meet everyone else down in the underground parking, Changkyun is hit with the sad realization that he’s the only one who didn’t bring nice clothes because all of them look all nice and proper.

“Do we actually have a car?” He asks and Hyunwoo lifts a hand, keys dangling from his fingers.

“Leader perks.” He grins and Hoseok snorts, snatching them from his hand.

“Please, Jaesang would have never agreed if I hadn’t insisted on my hatred of being drunk.” 

Much like when they left for their first mission, they all pack into a van and set off onto the busy streets. But the atmosphere is completely different.

When they get to the club, the dance floor is already packed, the music booming loudly and vibrating through his chest and Changkyun tries to remember the last time he’s felt it. Felt the giddiness of letting loose and have fun.

He’s wondering why he was even hesitant to come in the first place.

“I’m going to dance, anyone coming with me?” Hyunwoo declares as soon as they pick a booth to settle in.

“I need at least a drink before that.” Kihyun laughs and he sounds just as surprised as Changkyun feels at Hyunwoo’s enthusiasm. 

None of them are surprised when Hoseok follows him with an amused laugh.

The atmosphere is easy around the table and when Hyungwon reappears with an array of colorful drinks after excusing himself to the bar, Changkyun’s curiosity is piqued. He’s never been one for fancy drinks, always opting for a beer or straight up liquor if fast results are what he’s looking for.

Changkyun barely listens when Hyungwon explains something about fuzzy navels and black russians and how he was a bartender for a while before. He simply grabs a bright blue drink and takes a sip. He makes a face at the overpowering taste of vodka for a second but the fruity aftertaste mellows it out.

He can’t say the same when Jooheon grabs a bloody mary and looks so insulted that people actually _drink_ that. Hyungwon laughs admitting he was wondering who would fall for it and Jooheon pouts until Minhyuk slides off the booth with the promise of a better drink for him.

Changkyun chuckles, eyes moving to Kihyun beside him and only now noticing the drink in his hand, the color of it making him snort. Kihyun raises a brow at him and Changkyun vaguely thinks that he shouldn’t look that alluring doing something so simple.

“Are you really drinking straight up bourbon?” He asks, the amber color easily recognizable and the thought of it almost offensive to his taste buds.

“I don’t like sweet drinks.” He answers with a shrug.

“You’re so old.”

Instead of throwing a reply, Kihyun simply smiles, subtle and handsome, over the rim of his glass as he takes a sip and Changkyun is suddenly all too aware of the way his thigh presses warmly against his own and how _attractive_ it is to see him all relaxed and confident.

Changkyun wonders if he’s aware of the effect all of it has on him.

Averting his eyes so he doesn’t end up saying something that will most likely embarrass him, Changkyun downs his drink before declaring that he’s getting another one. Just so he can at least feel a little buzzed and not so on edge. 

And maybe Changkyun should’ve listened when Hyungwon had laughed and told him to be careful with the drinks since they pack quite a punch. But he doesn’t notice until he stands after his fourth and announces he’s going to dance. Alcohol seems to rush through his entire body and he feels a wave of dizziness hit him. He quickly straightens himself up with the steadiness of Kihyun’s hand on his waist and gives them a tipsy grin.

“You good?” Kihyun asks, amusement obvious in his voice and Changkyun nods, throwing in some finger guns for good measure.

“I’m going to sweat it off.” He declares weaving through the bodies to find a decent spot on the dance floor.

Changkyun looks for either Hyunwoo or Hoseok because they had stepped back out here after dropping at the booth for a few minutes.

When he does spot them, Changkyun is torn between wanting to slot himself right in the middle of them because the way they move together is frankly pretty damn hot but also not wanting to intrude because they look so into each other it’s a little ridiculous.

But before he can debate any longer, Changkyun feels a hand slide around his waist and a second of excitement mixes in with the tipsiness he feels.

“Oh hey.” He mumbles when he turns around and realizes it’s Minhyuk.

“You sound disappointed that it’s me. Expecting someone else?” He grins and there’s something so mischievous about it.

“I don’t think Kihyun dances.” He almost pouts.

“I never said a name.” Minhyuk laughs and Changkyun blinks at him.

“You got me.” He admits because his mind is too fuzzy to deny it. And it’s not like Minhyuk doesn’t already know.

“Maybe if we get all touchy he’ll get here.” Minhyuk muses, waggling his eyebrows and Changkyun snorts.

“Just dance with me, we look weird standing around.”

They dance for a while and Changkyun is truly enjoying himself. Minhyuk moves easily against him. Sweat is gathering at his hairline, the heat and different smells all around them should feel overwhelming but Changkyun lets himself bask in it.

He almost whines when Minhyuk suddenly slips from in front of him because he doesn’t feel like dancing with a stranger but he also doesn’t feel like going back to their booth.

The complaint is cut short when smaller hands grip onto his hips and when he looks over his shoulder, Changkyun feels his stomach twist when Kihyun’s face comes into view. Turning around and throwing his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders, Changkyun grins happily.

“You finally came to dance with me.” 

“You look like you were having lots of fun.” Kihyun speaks, voice a little thicker than usual and Changkyun notices how his eyes also seem a little glassy. Like the alcohol is keeping him from masking anything and just letting himself _feel_.

It takes Changkyun a moment to really let Kihyun’s words sink in and understand that he’s been watching him. The realization kind of makes his blood feel warmer under his skin.

“I am. Glad you decided to be part of it.” He speaks close to his ear, pressing his body against him and he knows he’s probably being too forward. Doing too much. But Kihyun’s fingers tighten on his hips and he doesn’t really care right now if he’s embarrassed about it later. The music is loud, the bass thrumming pleasantly through his body and the alcohol still warm in his stomach.

He’ll deal with whatever regret he might feel later.

Changkyun comes to find that Kihyun is surprisingly a pretty decent dancer. While he might not let loose as much as Minhyuk did, the confidence in which he moves against him definitely makes Changkyun feel _something_. Without talking about how he’s kind of a possessive dancer. Changkyun didn’t miss the look he gave the stranger who came up behind him to try to grind up against his ass. The man was promptly deterred.

Changkyun isn’t sure how long they dance. All he knows is that the music has changed a few times already and he can’t pinpoint when exactly his want has peaked. He thinks it’s somewhere between almost caving in and dipping his fingers into Kihyun’s partially unbuttoned shirt to feel more and the moment Kihyun dragged him off the dance floor to get them some water.

But he _wants_. He wants so much.

He does his best to hide his disappointment when Kihyun guides him back to the booth with the others and plops down noisily. He vehemently ignores the look Minhyuk gives him. He looks all too sober and knowing.

They end up drinking some more before Hoseok declares that they should get going when Hyunwoo tries to challenge Hyungwon to something. Changkyun doesn’t even know what it’s all about. He’s just replaced his frustration with amusement at their antics.

The next thing Changkyun knows, he’s being pushed into their van, squished between a too clingy Jooheon and sweaty Hyunwoo and he grimaces through his drunken state, looking forlornly to the seats in front where Kihyun is because now he can’t even use the excuse of the darkness and motion sickness to maybe get one last feel.

But once they get back to the institute, Kihyun grabs his arm and dares him to a race up the stairs instead of the elevator. And normally Changkyun would’ve refused since the dorms are mostly on the fifth floor but his mind is clouded and Kihyun is grinning at him like a fool and maybe Changkyun is a little too infatuated. So he starts running first.

“I win.” Changkyun is laughing. He’s not entirely sure why because his legs are sore and he’s covered in sweat under his jacket but he can feel the tears at the corners of his eyes, another laugh rumbling in his chest as he clings onto Kihyun, both trying to keep the other upright and steady.

“You got a headstart, you brat.” Kihyun whispers not so quietly.

Changkyun starts to sing some sort of victory song anyways, laughter bubbling up again when Kihyun tries to shush him, messily pressing a finger against his mouth because they’re still in the hallway and there’s definitely people trying to sleep.

Still, he feels lighter than he has in a long time.

He knows he’s drunk and that alcohol is playing a big part in how he’s feeling but he feels _good_.

After a moment of struggling, Kihyun finally manages to unlock the door to their room and they both stumble inside, still out of breath and coming pretty damn close to ending up on the floor.

“I’m drunk.” Changkyun declares, tripping over his own feet as he knocks his shoes off and letting himself fall back onto his bed. Kihyun laughs, carefree, subtle dimples cratering under his eyes. Changkyun is endeared.

“Yeah. Me too.” He sighs happily, following along.

Changkyun feels too hot. His jacket is keeping him too warm after running up all those stairs but he closes his eyes for a moment when the ceiling starts spinning and only reopens them when he feels the mattress dip. Ignoring the dizziness, Changkyun stares at Kihyun, kneeling beside him, his hands caging his head as he peers down at him.

“Hello?” Changkyun smiles, a giggle bubbling at the back of his throat as he looks at Kihyun almost expectantly. Feelings from earlier rushing back to him like some sort of tidal wave.

He’s abruptly all too aware of Kihyun’s every move.

“You’re going to feel sick if you don’t take this off.” He slurs, unzipping his jacket and picking up his arms to pull at the garment.

Changkyun realizes then that Kihyun already took off his own jacket and he’s pretty sure there’s one more unfastened button on his shirt than there was before.

He should know, with how many times he found himself looking before.

There are a few strands falling messily over his forehead from his pushed back hair as he huffs a small breath at the effort. Changkyun fights the urge to run his finger through it. 

When he places his hands on both sides of his head again, Changkyun is hit by how handsome he looks like this. How he wants to reach up and touch his reddened cheeks or maybe feel the faintly protruding vein on the side of his neck, bring him down into a kiss and _maybe_ he’s just craving any sort of physical contact but his blood feels scalding as it runs through his veins.

“You’re pretty.” Kihyun says softly as if it’s the most natural thing, eyes moving over his features and even in his drunken state, Changkyun has the decency to blush, pulled out of his own thoughts and caught off guard by the forward words.

“Thank you?” He whispers, breath short because it looks like Kihyun is getting closer than he was a moment before.

“I wanted to tell you earlier.” He speaks, voice thick and slow but his eyes are honest. “I kept looking at your neck, it’s really pretty. You have wide shoulders too.” He adds, holding himself up on one arm and bringing his other hand to brush over his collarbone, migrating over his neck, fingertips stopping where Changkyun knows there’s a mole and goosebumps break over his skin, the light touch turning his insides molten. “The way you move is really captivating. I was debating for so long if I wanted to join or just look at you. In the end, you made me drink more than I intended to.” He continues unabashed. His touch feels feather-like against his heated skin.

“Kihyun.” He breathes, fingers faintly thrumming against Kihyun’s waist, wanting to ask for more, act on more, but this almost feels surreal. Like the spell will be broken if he as much as moves too fast. 

He wants to know where this is going. He wants to dive in and bring Kihyun down on top of him, feel the warmth of him. He wants to know if his skin feels as smooth as it looks. Wants to know how warm it would feel against his tongue. He wants him, messy and unfinessed.

Changkyun’s brain almost short circuits when Kihyun’s finger ghosts up his neck to his lower lip. He can see the way Kihyun’s eyes are trained on his mouth, how his cheeks are a darker pink than a simple drunken glow and how he looks like he’s seconds away from acting on Changkyun’s unsaid thoughts.

But he doesn’t.

Instead, Kihyun drops lower, halfway on top of him, mouth brushing against his cheek as he nestles his head against his chest and Changkyun freezes.

“Goodnight.” Kihyun mutters out of the blue.

Changkyun blinks as the ceiling comes to view again.

_What the fuck_.

His heart is beating too fast. His mind too riled up. His skin still feels like a stripped wire and he definitely has the beginning of an uncomfortable boner.

“Kihyun?” He asks but receives no answer. Kihyun’s breathing is already deep, his body immobile and a warm heaviness on top of him.

Pushing out a short groan, Changkyun closes his eyes again, willing his heart to slow down, his body to cool down and once he manages to do that, the alcohol in his system reminds him how tired he is.

It isn’t long before he passes out too.

When he wakes up again, Changkyun is alone, he’s got an arm and a leg dangling off his bed but there’s a blanket draped over his body. Squinting at the bright light, Changkyun rubs at his head. There’s a dull pounding in his skull but it’s nothing compared to what he’s been used to the past months.

Opting for a quick shower before heading down to the common room, Changkyun smiles to himself when he sees the others huddled around one of the tables, cups of coffee scattered around with what he can only guess to be hangover food.

“At least someone looks peachy.” Hoseok grins happily at him, having stayed completely sober the night before.

“I’m just used to it.” He chuckles when Minhyuk immediately clings to his arm when he drops next to him.

“This is what you feel like all the time?” Jooheon whines.

“Oh no, it’s much worse than that.” He laughs, not seeing the point in hiding it. They all know the pain the training causes him.

“Kihyun is being an asshole and refusing to help us.” Hyungwon groans.

“Hangovers are annoying to heal, it’s not like focusing on an injury.” Kihyun speaks and Changkyun turns his attention toward him.

It’s not like he forgot what happened the previous night. He wasn’t drunk enough for that but it feels like it’s slapping him in the face right now. He knows technically nothing happened but at the same time it feels like _too much_ happened and he’s not sure if Kihyun remembers.

But then Kihyun’s eyes catch his and Changkyun _knows_ that he does. Knows that he remembers at least part of it if not everything. There’s something calm but too knowing about his gaze. Almost like he’s trying to figure out something for himself. Changkyun wonders If he meant all the words he said to him or if they were simply an intoxicated speech.

Over the following days, Kihyun doesn’t bring it up.

So neither does Changkyun.

They don’t talk about whatever that was and that’s okay. 

They go back to regular training and there’s no awkwardness. Sometimes he can feel Kihyun’s eyes lingering on him, feel the air heavier. Some sort of looming tension every once in a while when they go back in their room at the end of the day but he suspects all of it has been there for a while, he’s just conscious of it now.

They were both drunk. It doesn’t have to mean anything.

Changkyun kind of wish it did.

  
  
  


“Stay in control.”

Changkyun frowns, a hot flash spreading through his chest all the way to the top of his head and sweat gathering at his hairline.

“I’m _trying_.” He grits, feeling Dr. Jung right behind his shoulder while he focuses his energy on Jia.

He’s never tried to take over someone who knows how to fight him back.

“Jia’s been working with us for a long time, she’s had practice but she’s not on the same spectrum as you. You have to be stronger or you’re as good as dead out there.” Dr. Jung speaks and Changkyun feels anger flaring and it makes him lose focus for a split second.

The sheer power of being forced out of Jia’s head makes him lose his balance and sends him on his ass.

“Shit.” He grunts, rubbing at his head.

“Start over.”

“Maybe we should give him a minute,” Jia says, giving him a hand and Changkyun wants to agree but he knows it’s not an option anymore.

He knows Dr. Jung is right.

“I’m alright.” He breathes, going back in and he thinks he might be doing it right this time but it turns out Jia was simply not prepared and she didn’t have time to block him.

He hits a wall again as soon as she catches up.

“You can’t go _through_ it, you need to jump _over_ it.” Dr. Jung explains like she knows exactly what he’s feeling.

He realizes she does because she’s been through the exact same process years prior.

He knows it but he can’t find a way.

He _knows_ but he’s losing steam.

“Let me help you.”

Changkyun barely feels Dr. Jung’s hands on both sides of his head before he’s hit with a vision of his entire team being slaughtered. Most of them are dead already with the exception of him and Kihyun. Changkyun’s emotions erupt into his chest and he doesn’t know if he’s going to scream or faint.

“Control. Her.” The words fall right into his ear and Changkyun sees the way Jia places a gun against the side of Kihyun’s head before firing right in front of him.

Changkyun isn’t sure the kind of energy that surges through him. He’s never felt it before but he focuses it all on Jia and feels it leave him in a single powerful wave along with a pained shout.

The next thing he knows, the images disappear from his head, he’s back in the training room and Jia is flung back against the furthest wall, leaving it cracked.

Everything is completely silent except for his own breathing.

“What the _fuck_. Was that?” He seethes, turning back to Dr. Jung, knocking her hands off him before wiping the slow trickle of blood he feels below his nose, knowing from experience that Jia will be fine.

“I feel like I should be asking _you_ that.” She replies and Changkyun finally takes in the shock on her face.

“You just showed me my friends being _murdered_ , what did you expect?” He asks, tone harsh as he tries to control the shaking in his hands.

“Seeing distressing images usually helps finding the right path to disarm your opponent so I thought I’d motivate you but…” She trails off and Changkyun frowns, the realization of what he just did slowly sinking in and that it isn’t something he should’ve been able to do.

“You know this is the second time I crack a wall because of you.” Jia says lightly and Changkyun blinks.

“What did you just do?” Dr. Jung questions, a renewed interest in her eyes and Changkyun frowns harder, rubbing at his forehead to calm himself.

“I’m not sure.” He starts truthfully. “I felt...This swell of energy inside of me and I...projected it toward her?” He explains and Dr. Jung shakes her head with a chuckle.

“You’re really something else.” She says and Changkyun isn’t sure if he should consider that a good thing.

“It was emotions.” He adds after giving it a thought and reminding himself of all the rage that had flared up inside of him at the vision.

“That’s actually a good thing.” Dr. Jung hums. “Like how Minhyuk’s invisibility used to be controlled by his emotions a lot. He learned to control it and so should you.” She smiles.

“I don’t even know _where_ it came from. I thought it was because of you.” He insists and Dr. Jung squints at him in confusion for a moment before looking down at her own hands.

“I _was_ touching you when you did it. Maybe you can somehow gather energy from outside sources.” She pounders out loud.

“Kind of like Hoseok does with plants.” He mutters, having learned that Hoseok can draw energy from the ground and roots around him and Dr. Jung nods.

“We should do some experiment and -”

“No.” Changkyun interrupts her. The simple thought of being poked all over again sending chills down his spine.

“Changkyun, you don’t understand, you might be something completely different than we thought.”

“No. I’ve been sent here to train and I’m all for developing whatever ability I can but I won’t. I won’t serve as a lab rat.” He says firmly and Dr. Jung’s face softens.

“Of course. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I just got excited about the possibility of something new.” She apologizes. “Still, I’m going to have to write down and report our session.”

“That’s alright.” He sighs, taking a look at the time and gathering his water and hoodie. “I have to go, I told Kihyun I’d meet him in the gym a while ago.” He says, strongly needing to change his mind of what he just saw.

  
  


Changkyun is frustrated.

To put it simply.

After leaving the training room with Dr. Jung, he’s been feeling even more lost when it comes to his ability. He works hard, he does his best, keeps himself hydrated and gets enough sleep and yet he’s stuck. What’s the point of discovering new things if he can’t fully control any of them?

He feels like everyone keeps improving fast, polishing new skills, and refining the ones they already had. Everyone but him. 

He tries just as hard when it comes to the physical combat training and yet his moves are clumsy and hesitant. The same goes for his shooting. His aim is sloppy and unsure.

Feeling a bead of sweat dripping into his eye, Changkyun shakes it off but the half second it takes for him to do so is apparently enough for Kihyun to take him down because the next thing he knows, his left arm is twisted behind his back and his face is pressed against the sticky blue mat.

Letting out a defeated groan, Changkyun taps a few times on the mat with his right hand.

Immediately letting go, Kihyun sits beside him, resting back on his palms with a grin and maybe, just maybe, Changkyun hates how good he looks like this. A certain fire still shining in his eyes, sweat-damped hair pushed away from his face and a victorious air around him.

Changkyun knows he shouldn’t feel too crushed by losing. They all know now that Kihyun has learned and adapted to fighting surprisingly fast and what he lacks in brute force, he makes up with speed and accuracy, always taking a misplaced foot or lowered guard to his advantage.

Changkyun _knows_ all that and yet he’s just. Fuming.

“I’m going to shower.” He groans as he stands, moving his arm around to shake the stiffness in his shoulder off.

“Come on, don’t tell me you’re already worn out.” Kihyun calls, still sitting on the mat, almost like he’s trying to provoke him and Changkyun can feel frustration bubbling even more in his stomach.

He hates how _easy_ Kihyun makes it look. The sweat making his shirt cling to his chest and that godawful cockiness he gets when sparring. He hates how he would immediately drop onto his lap if he as much as asked.

“Yeah.”

“So you’re just going to let me have two wins?”

Changkyun is boiling.

For someone who’s so good at reading people and emotions, he does seem to be pretty obvious when he’s in a competitive mood.

“I’m done for today.” He says through clenched teeth, turning around to exit the gym and Kihyun kind of scrambles off the mat to go after him.

“Wait up.”

“What?”

“Did I hurt you or something?” Kihyun grabs his arm to stop him and Changkyun frowns.

“I’m fine, just leave it.”

Changkyun knows deep down he’s being a bit of a brat but his body is tense and he just wants to shower. Cool down his body and let the pressure he’s putting on himself wash away, even if just for mere minutes.

“What’s wrong with you?” Kihyun pushes, not letting go of his arm and Changkyun wants to snap.

“I’m pissed okay?” 

“Because you lost?”

“Because of everything! I can’t do what’s expected of me, I’m still trying to do the same little tricks without wanting to rip my head off my shoulders and our recons are going well so they’re setting us up to start _actual_ missions soon. I’m not fucking ready and now I can’t even fight if I need to.” 

The silence that follows his words is pressing and Changkyun is glad that it's already too late at night and that the training room is completely empty because that would have definitely brought attention to them, his tone not having been exactly quiet.

Instead of the concerned look that would have pissed him off even more right now, Kihyun is looking at him in a peculiar way that he can’t quite pinpoint.

“You put too much pressure on yourself. I think you’re doing better than you’re giving yourself credit for.” 

“Then why do I feel like I’m constantly chasing my breath?” 

“You need to find a way to let off steam.” He offers instead and Changkyun frowns - as if he hasn’t thought of that before.

“And what the fuck am I supposed to do?” He bristles. “We can barely go out for a few hours before being called back.”

“Hyunwoo and Hoseok seem to have found a solution.”

The words are spoken quietly and with a certain assurance that makes Changkyun stop completely, suddenly very aware of the way Kihyun’s fingers are still loosely wrapped around his wrist.

It’s no secret to their team anymore that the two eldest are fucking and while Changkyun is pretty sure there are feelings involved between them, he’s never really brought himself to ask either of them.

“Are you really…” He trails off, voice low, realizing that he doesn’t want to make a fool of himself if that’s not in fact what Kihyun is implying.

But there’s something about the way he’s looking at him that makes Changkyun feel like he just _can’t_ be reading him wrong.

“We’re roommates. It’s practical.” Kihyun shrugs and he makes it sound so easy and logical while Changkyun feels like his guts are twisting with heat just at the thought.

He wants this. He’s wanted this for a few months already. He’s seen and heard too much. Shared dorms offering only so much privacy. And yet it’s something he came to the conclusion would only stay in his head.

“Think about it, I’m going to shower first if you don’t hurry.”

And just like that, Kihyun walks past him and exits the gym.

Changkyun wants to catch up with him. Ask him where this proposal comes from. If he’s honestly serious about it.

But then he thinks back of all the time they grappled on those same blue mats and the too dark, too intense look he’s seen in his eyes. The look that never fails to set his insides ablaze.

The one night they all went out.

And he thinks, maybe, he isn’t the only one having his eyes on someone.

_Fuck._

With that thought screaming in his mind, Changkyun stalks back to their shared room and sure enough, he can hear the shower running already.

The bathroom door being ajar is the thing that makes him halt and turns his mouth slightly dry.

Kihyun hates how it lets in a cool breeze and always closes the door.

Forcing out any doubts he has in his mind, Changkyun decides on just going for it. Worst case scenario, Kihyun just laughs that annoyingly loud cackle at him and he wallows in his shame for a while.

But when he pushes the door open, Kihyun’s head turns in his direction and his expression tells Changkyun that, while he isn’t surprised, he’s definitely pleased. The glass is mostly fogged up and Changkyun can’t see much but he still swallows back the lump in his throat when Kihyun’s lips quirk up slightly.

“Are you just going to stand there?” 

Changkyun doesn’t even have it in him to make fun of him for how cliché that line was because the light smoothness of his voice somehow goes straight under his skin.

He has never thrown his clothes away so fast.

And while there’s a part of him that wishes he could be any sort of graceful, Changkyun doesn’t really mind his clumsy steps when he opens the shower door and Kihyun chuckles, the sound sending heat all the way through his body.

Changkyun feels like he should say something. At least make it seem like it isn’t as big of a deal as it actually is to him.

But he can’t.

His mouth feels dry and his brain rarely this blank.

Stepping closer, Changkyun’s eyes are glued to Kihyuns’, making sure that he isn’t suddenly going to burst into laughter.

He doesn’t.

Kihyun reaches out to him first, hands grasping at his hips to bring him in even more into his personal space and Changkyun feels like his blood is sizzling in his veins at the way Kihyun’s eyes scan all of him. He feels like he should be embarrassed about how fast his cock swells but he wants this so much he can’t exactly bring himself to care.

Especially when he realizes Kihyun seems to be just as eager as he is.

Changkyun wants to kiss him but he doesn’t know if there’s a line to be drawn. If Kihyun is just looking for a quick release. He also wants Kihyun to push him against the wall and take him but he knows they’re not prepared nor equipped for any sort of proper fucking.

Kihyun seems to catch up on his dilemma because he’s bringing a hand to the side of his jaw, thumb ghosting over his lower lip.

“What do you want?” He asks, voice demanding and eyes dark and Changkyun feels the need bleeding out of him.

“Anything. Just - whatever.” The murmur is low and hurried as it leaves him but Kihyun doesn’t sway.

“Tell me. What do you want?” He asks again and Changkyun has known for a while that Kihyun can have a leading and firm personality. How he feels the need to have things clear and in a certain order.

He knows it and yet he never thought about it in this kind of setting. It makes his knees a little weak.

“I want you to fuck me.” He still voices and Kihyun freezes for half a second, looking all too on board with the idea before he gives a shake of the head.

“I can’t, we’re not -”

Changkyun interrupts him with a quiet whine, knowing that letting the idea brew in his head will only frustrate him more. “I know. I know, I don’t care. Just. Touch me.” He insists instead, the tip of his tongue swiping out and brushing Kihyun’s thumb as he reaches to squeeze the hand still on his hip.

Changkyun’s head falls forward against Kihyun’s shoulder when he feels fingers wrap around his cock, a shiver coursing through his body at the sheer anticipation built up inside of him. His hands shoot out to hold onto Kihyun’s sides, nails faintly scratching at the small ripples of muscles there.

Warm water hits Kihyun’s back and splatters on his face but he doesn’t care.

Breathing out quiet moans, voice low and shaky at the steady strokes, Changkyun turns his head so he can press his lips against Kihyun’s neck, needing to have his mouth occupied. Slightly sinking his teeth where he feels his pulse going fast before soothing the skin with his tongue, Changkyun almost preens at the way he feels Kihyun’s breath hitch and his hand falter for a split second.

Except he doesn’t have much time to do that. Kihyun uses his free hand to sink his fingers into the hair at the back of his head to pull him from his neck and backs him up against the tiled wall, crushing their bodies and mouths together.

Changkyun feels a whimper bubbling at the back of his throat, scrambling to hold onto Kihyun’s back, fingers gliding over wet skin and nails scratching while he tries to keep up with the kiss. It’s more messy and demanding than what he expected it would be, but it’s exactly what he _wants_ right now.

He wants the heat and need to consume him completely. Keep his mind empty.

“Ever since the club, I’ve wanted to see what you’d look like like this.” Kihyun whispers against his mouth and Changkyun thinks maybe it’s because it’s the first time that night is being acknowledged but it spurs him on. Knowing that Kihyun did mean all those words. 

“I thought you might have regretted it.” He breathes, a moan quietly slipping out because Kihyun’s fingers are still very much wrapped around his cock.

Kihyun shakes his head, catching his mouth into another kiss and Changkyun is ready this time and meets him just as fervently. And maybe he’s not really trying to hold back, but Changkyun feels a whine resonating loudly through him when Kihyun latches onto his bottom lip and gently tugs on it. He is so weak for that kind of stuff.

“You sound so fucking pretty...and your mouth…” Kihyun trails off when he pulls back, fingers grazing against his lips and Changkyun feels emboldened by how riled up he looks and he takes them into his mouth, purposely letting his tongue play with the digits.

The way Kihyun turns speechless, eyes following the glimpse of his tongue with bated breath, gives Changkyun a boost to his confidence.

“I can show you if you want.” He offers, lips pursing against the tip of his fingers and Kihyun’s eyes glaze over before he takes his hand away.

“Let me take care of you first.” He hums.

Changkyun’s head thunks against the tiled wall, a moan echoing quietly in the bathroom when Kihyun wraps his fingers around him again. He knows him and Kihyun are basically the same size, but there’s something about the way he’s being crowded against the wall. How Kihyun’s free hand runs all over his chest, thumb circling over his nipple, tongue leaving a searing path up his neck. It all makes him feel so small and at his mercy. Like Kihyun is surrounding him completely.

And maybe he’s a little touch-starved but when Kihyun’s teeth catch on his earlobe, Changkyun feels the coiling in the pit of his stomach pull tighter.

“ _Fuck_.” He curses, low in his throat and it seems to spur Kihyun on, his hand moving faster and wrist twisting just the right way.

“You’re doing so good.” He whispers against his ear, pressing even closer against him.

Changkyun takes in just how hard he is too when his cock presses against his tummy. He realizes his hands have been useless.

The gasp Kihyun lets out when Changkyun returns the favor, stroking him in time with his own hand, tells him just how much he wasn’t expecting it.

Kihyun’s hand almost completely stills. Changkyun groans, hips jerking up to try and chase the feeling.

“Don’t stop.” He demands because he’s so fucking close he can’t stand being frustrated right now.

The breathless chuckle falling into his ear and the apologetic kiss dropped against his neck make his skin crawl with goosebumps.

Changkyun vaguely thinks it shouldn’t feel this good. It shouldn’t feel this different than when he jerks off by himself. Yet he feels like his breath is short, and like his orgasm is about to get ripped out of him, his entire body tense and feeling like goo at the same time. 

He wants to let his moans run free but also keep completely quiet because Kihyun isn’t. It’s obvious that he’s holding back but his voice is high and breathy, his moans sounding almost like he’s singing and Changkyun sort of wishes he could just _listen_ to him.

He wants to look at him too. See the way his face would become undone as he tips over. Lose the control and composure he constantly shows.

But he doesn’t have time to really put his thoughts together or voice them before Kihyun speaks.

“I’m really close, can you come for me?” The whisper sends sparks under Changkyun’s skin.

He nods, face buried in the crook of Kihyun’s neck, his free arm wrapped around his shoulders to ground himself when pleasure starts rushing through his veins in stronger waves.

Changkyun sucks in a sharp breath to speak, the moist air getting stuck inside his lungs and he can’t get out a single word. His lips part silently, eyes screwing shut as he comes. A trembling moan breaks through at being almost overstimulated just in time for Kihyun to let go of him.

Instead, he wraps his fingers over Changkyun’s hand on his length, only then realizing that it had stopped moving.

Changkyun blinks, head still resting against Kihyun’s shoulder as he looks down at their hands moving together. The sight would have definitely made him spill if he hadn’t just come.

The choked back moan and the way Kihyun shudders when he finishes is almost enough to plant another seed of arousal in the pit of his stomach.

Kihyun pulls back first. Changkyun suddenly worries about what he’ll see on his face.

He doesn’t think he’d be able to stomach regret.

But Kihyun only grins at him tiredly and Changkyun’s doubts dissipate.

“We should actually wash up before the water turns cold.” There’s a certain throaty quality to his voice and Changkyun pouts at the glassy content look in his eyes, a thought coming back to him.

“I really wanted to suck you off too.” He remembers and Kihyun barks out a laugh, slapping his stomach and reaching around him to grab his soap.

“Next time.” The words are spoken with a quiet assurance.

Changkyun feels giddiness at the thought of there being a next time.

Kihyun doesn’t say anything when Changkyun slides in bed next to him and demands to be spooned after they both get out of the lukewarm shower.

He simply complies with an exaggerated sigh.

Changkyun ignores it because Kihyun is wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him a little closer, the tips of his fingers almost absentmindedly playing with the skin of his stomach and his body just seems to fit so perfectly behind him and he’s so comfortable. He’s almost surprised he doesn’t instantly fall asleep.

“Earlier today we did something with Dr. Jung.” He says quietly, realizing that he doesn’t want to keep what happened to himself.

He also wants to keep some sense of normalcy. Reassure himself that what they did hasn’t changed anything between them.

“Did you succeed in doing the stuff you’ve been working on?” Kihyun asks and Changkyun maybe has to fight back a shiver when his lips brush against the back of his neck as he speaks.

“Not exactly...We discovered I can do something completely different.”

There’s a beat of silence and Changkyun isn’t sure if it’s due to worry or fatigue.

“How?”

Changkyun can hear how Kihyun is definitely starting to drift off and he squeezes the hand on his stomach to keep him awake.

“She gave me a vision with all of you dead.” He whispers, going straight to the point, and he feels Kihyun’s body stiffen behind him, his arm tightening around his waist. “And instead of taking control of Jia, I sent her flying to the other side of the room without anyone touching her.” He chuckles humorlessly, the images coming back to him.

“Changkyun, _fuck_.” Kihyun breathes harshly, pushing himself up with his other arm so he can look at him. “I thought,” 

“What?”

“I thought you were _frustrated_. Not that something like that happened today.” He frets but Changkyun shrugs.

“But I _was_. It was building up for a while already and,” He insists lightly. “I knew the images in my head were fake. Somewhere in my head I _knew_ they were but they seemed so real it fucked me up a little but, I’ll get over it.” He reassures but Kihyun still frowns at him.

“Come here.” He mutters, pulling him back against his body, hugging him close and Changkyun feels a swell of emotion rise inside of him. 

He still hasn’t gotten fully used to being this cared for.

“Were you serious earlier when you said next time?” He blurts out instead because he knows that he might end up saying things he’d regret in the morning if he lets his emotions speak.

“Sure.” Kihyun chuckles and Changkyun can’t decide if he’s serious or if he’s agreeing just so he can finally get some sleep.

He decides that he’s also too tired to think about it more and that they can always speak more later on. 2

  
  
  
  
Over the following weeks, they’re given a hint more leisure time. On Christmas morning, Jaesang tells them their official training and constant monitoring are over but they are to keep working and practicing the way they see fit. They all breathe a sigh of relief.

Changkyun keeps meeting with Dr. Jung often and he’s genuinely happy with the progress he’s making. His headaches are easier to deal with and it’s taking him less time to recover whenever he exhausts himself.

New Year happens and they celebrate together. And maybe Changkyun ends up crying a little because he’s thankful. Thankful to have all of them in his life and getting to experience the kind of love and care he didn’t think he’d have ever again. Hoseok crushes him into a hug and sheds a few tears of his own because he’s just that empathic.

January comes and goes. Jaesang is the only one to wish him a quiet happy birthday because he’s the only one who knows. And while he did slide into Kihyun’s bed that night to offer himself an escape from his thoughts and some comfort, he couldn’t bring himself to tell him about it.

But a few days later he feels foolish for making it such a big deal to himself to not tell anyone. They had celebrated Hyungwon’s birthday earlier in the month and Changkyun knows they would’ve done the same if he had said anything. But he didn’t and now he’s a little regretful about it so when he invites Kihyun to hang out with him in the city, the earnest way he agrees despite the late hour and cold manages to make him feel better and not like he’s a bother.

And if Kihyun notices there’s something on his mind, he doesn’t mention it and Changkyun is thankful for it.

“Do you think they’d limit our expenses if we were to buy lube and rubbers?” He blurts out when Kihyun starts giving him more curious glances at his quietness.

Kihyun’s steps halt for a second, coffee cup halfway to his mouth as he fixes him with a look but Changkyun holds the eye contact and raises a brow in silent insistence. He knows the best way to hide that there’s something on his mind is to spew out the first thing he can think of.

In the end, Kihyun shrugs, “I think they’d want their employees to practice safe sex.”

“Great. Cause I’ve already bought some.” He admits, remembering his purchase of a few days prior when they walk past a drugstore and Kihyun snorts a short laugh into his drink.

“You were actually serious. It wasn’t just some in-the-moment talk.”

“You can’t keep giving me handies like that and expect me to not want the whole deal.”

Barking out a laugh, Kihyun pushes at his shoulder to keep them moving. The street bustling with people and merchants. “You’re insufferable. I can’t believe I used to think you were the quiet and reserved type.”

“Reserved, yes. When it comes to strangers. But you accepted me and made me comfortable so now you deal with the consequences.” He grins, his mood softened by the easy back and forth between them.

Kihyun shakes his head, throwing his empty cup in a garbage can, hands pushing deep into his jacket pockets. He tries to bury his face in his scarf, the tip of his cold-blushed nose poking over it and Changkyun’s heart might be melting a little at the sight.

“Are you done? I’m freezing.” Kihyun speaks, voice muffled by the fabric of his scarf.

“You could just ask me if you want to hold my hand.” Changkyun offers, wiggling his fingers at him. 

Kihyun looks unimpressed.

“You’re not even wearing gloves. They’re probably colder than mine.” He reasons and maybe it’s true. Maybe Changkyun is underdressed for the cold weather.

But their impromptu late night outing is making him happy and his mood can’t be dampened by cold winds.

“I just don’t want to go back yet. We don’t get to go out like this a lot.”

Kihyun hums in a way that shows his agreement despite that pinched look he’s sporting. It makes Changkyun smile even more.

“Come on. I saw some pretty lights when we were driving back the other day. I want to see them properly.” He encourages, looping his arm into the crook of Kihyun’s elbow to tug him along.

“You want to see some lights?” He deadpans, letting himself get pulled.

“You’ll see. They’re really pretty with the snow and all.”

Changkyun stirs Kihyun away from the busier streets. Hoping that he actually remembers the directions. He knows Kihyun wants to complain, he can see it written all over his face but how he still follows along makes warmth bloom inside his chest.

“Here it is.” Changkyun grins when they turn a corner and a pretty park comes into view.

The tall Christmas tree that was there a few weeks prior is gone but the soft glowing lights hung around the other trees are still there and Changkyun thinks it’s enough. Snow crunching under their boots, Changkyun can see the smile Kihyun is trying to hide into his scarf and he lets his hand slip down his forearm into his pocket to catch Kihyun’s hand into his cold one.

“It almost looks like stars.” Kihyun smiles, looking up and Changkyun stays quiet, the warm feeling in his chest refusing to dissipate. Especially with the way Kihyun rubs his thumb over his hand. Changkyun isn’t sure if he’s doing it to warm him up or if he’s doing it subconsciously.

“I told you they were pretty.” He teases because he knows Kihyun will become suspicious again if he stays silent for too long.

They walk deeper into the park, following the narrow paths through the snow. The low temperature chased most people away but Changkyun wonders what they must look like to the few still braving the cold. The thought that they might look like a couple on a date makes him more flustered than he’d like to admit.

“You never told me the reason for today.” Kihyun says after a moment and Changkyun glances away, only now realizing he’d been staring.

He sort of was hoping Kihyun wouldn’t bring it up.

Heaving a sigh that leaves him in a white cloud, Changkyun gives him a small smile. “It was my birthday a few days ago.” _And I wanted to change the fact that I didn’t say anything and spend it with you_. He adds the last part in his head, refusing to make a fool of himself.

“Why didn’t you say so on the actual day?” Kihyun asks, looking slightly surprised.

“I’ve never really had a reason to celebrate it.” He clears his throat. “At least not in a really long time.”

“Since your ability developed?” Kihyun guesses correctly.

“My parents were so busy trying to change me that they forgot it was an annual thing or they just. Didn’t care anymore. It’s strange you know? They were so happy I was normal as a young child and then it was like...A switch flipped. They shipped me off to my grandma on my tenth birthday and she wasn’t much better than them. Having a broken child dropped on her like that.” He explains briefly, feeling Kihyun squeeze his hand.

“I’m sorry.” He says, pulling him onto a different path and Changkyun chuckles a little tersely, not exactly wanting to fall into self-pity.

“Look at you feeling sorry for little ole me not having a happy birthday from my parents when you literally grew up in an orphanage.”

“I may not know my biological parents but I had a family.” Kihyun hums, apparently realizing only a beat later how his words must have sounded. “Shit, sorry that was hurtful.” He apologizes and Changkyun smiles sadly at the sting.

“A little. But I guess it’s true.” He agrees because for years he truly felt like he never had a family. He felt like he was just floating around trying to find a grip. Hold onto whoever would accept him for who he is.

It’s taken him a while but he’s pretty sure he ended up making it. “I have a family now though.” He smiles, a little shy, a little crooked, but Kihyun returns it.

“Happy belated birthday.”

The silence they fall into again is comfortable and familiar in a way that makes Changkyun’s emotions clog up his throat and threaten to spill over.

He’s barely saved from doing something stupid like kissing Kihyun out of the blue by his phone going off, and after a brief conversation, he declares that he needs to head back because Jaesang needs him to go somewhere with Hyungwon and Jooheon.

And just like that the moment is broken and Changkyun realizes how close he got to spewing his feelings to Kihyun.


	3. Chapter 3

The first time it happens, Kihyun is coming back from a mission with Hyunwoo. Changkyun isn’t sure what it consisted of. He doesn’t exactly  _ want _ to know if he doesn’t need to.

But Kihyun looks restless as he paces around their room. His eyes are still blown with adrenaline. Changkyun isn’t sure if he should offer him anything. Tell him anything.

Before he can come up with something, Kihyun walks up to him. Stands close into his space. Changkyun blinks fast and surprised but he can see the heat and want surrounding him. The strain into his face. So he raises his chin and kisses him. Gives him the green light.

Things are a little more rushed and a little less planned out than he expected. The touches are more frantic but once he falls into the right rhythm, Changkyun can’t bring himself to really care too much.

Especially when his heart is still hammering against his ribcage. His limbs still feeling a hair too numb to properly function and there’s a sheen of sweat over his skin. There’s a sated feeling running deep inside his veins and Changkyun can only smile as he watches Kihyun fumble around the room almost bashfully picking up their clothes and cleaning after them, a strong flush covering his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

In the following weeks, they realize that Kihyun is thrown into missions more often than the rest of them. Changkyun isn’t surprised because he’s  _ good _ at it. He’s good at coming up with plans. He’s stealthy without having Minhyuk’s abilities. And he’s so good at making others feel like he’s ten feet tall and intimidating.

It also results in him having that slightly frazzled look whenever he comes back late in the night.

Changkyun has come to anticipate it. Anticipate the barely contained tension, ready to snap at the merest touch. Nights where he knows Kihyun will come back looking for a way to unwind. He knows it’s probably not the healthiest thing but it's become something he looks forward to.

And while neither of them shies away from a joke or a jab here and there, they don’t really talk about it. Talk about what it means. 

If it means anything at all. 

And maybe it’s because he’s not sure how to go about things to initiate them on his own but Changkyun always finds himself waiting for things to happen. Waiting for Kihyun to take the first step in fear of being shut down.

Changkyun thinks tonight is going to be the same. He felt anticipation building under his skin when he heard Kihyun talking with Jooheon and Hyungwon about how they were going to be back a few hours later.

Plus, it’s not like he can sleep peacefully when the room is completely silent after being used to having someone else there all this time.

But when Kihyun walks in, body stiff from obvious discomfort and smelling of fire, Changkyun can only frown in worry when he simply walks past him and into the bathroom.

Standing from his bed and slowly shouldering the door open, Changkyun watches Kihyun hiss as he peels off his shirt from his body.

“What the fuck happen?” He asks because it seems like Kihyun has no intention to break the silence.

“Got a little sliced up.” He mutters, glancing at him through the mirror. 

Changkyun’s frown deepens. “You reek of smoke.” He finds himself saying and Kihyun groans, letting the water run pink into the sink as he cleans the cut from his chest.

“Hyungwon got a little toasted.” He explains vaguely and it only serves to have worry brewing faster in Changkyun’s stomach. 

“Is he okay?” He asks the obvious. Or at least what he feels is.

“I took care of it already,” Kihyun reassures but the scowl doesn’t leave his face.

“And why aren’t you healing that?” He asks, stepping forward and resting back against the sink. The gash doesn’t look too deep or large but definitely doesn’t look painless either.

“What is it to you?” He snaps and Changkyun’s mouth clamp shut. Now that he’s paying attention, Kihyun doesn’t only look tired or injured. He looks downright  _ pissed _ .

“Sorry for worrying about my friends.” He mutters, pushing off the sink and handing Kihyun a towel. Changkyun intends on leaving him alone until he cools off because he genuinely doesn’t want to fight with him. 

He knows he’s not the best at holding his tongue when he feels like he’s being treated unfairly.

Switching the lights off in the room, Changkyun crawls into his bed but he can’t ignore the sound of the shower running. The water resonating loud and pelleting inside of his skull.

Directing a glower toward the bathroom door, Changkyun waits the few moments it takes for it to fall silent.

When Kihyun walks out with only sleeping shorts, the slash on his chest glares red and Changkyun finds himself absentmindedly rubbing at his own chest. Kihyun looks at him for a second. Barely hesitates before sliding into his own bed.

Changkyun swallows back the hurt. The feeling of being given the cold shoulders for a reason he doesn’t know. He’d understand if Kihyun told him he’d want space tonight. But now he feels brushed off and it’s not sitting well with him.

“Goodnight.” He still mutters, turning on his other side so he doesn’t have to  _ see _ Kihyun ignore him.

“Is it that bad?” Kihyun speaks after almost too long.

Changkyun turns back to look at him from across the room. “What is?” He whispers, making out Kihyun’s silhouette and he knows he’s not looking at him but at the ceiling.

“That I want to feel. Remind myself that we’re not invincible.” He murmurs and Changkyun has the feeling that more happened tonight. Whatever they were sent to do really affected him.

There’s a part of him that wants to ask. A part that wants to know so he can try to make things better. But there’s also the fear of what he might learn. Changkyun knows it’s not fair of him but he’s really come to see Kihyun as his rock. The one who’s always composed and can withstand whatever’s thrown at him. There’s something quite harrowing about thinking of what could’ve shaken him up so badly.

“It’s not  _ bad _ .” Changkyun whispers, also pausing for probably too long, but he can hear Kihyun’s head shifting on his pillow to turn toward him. “And I know you don’t owe me anything but over everything else...We’re friends. Don’t shut me out like that.” He speaks quietly, knowing he has Kihyun’s attention.

“I’m sorry.” Kihyun doesn’t give an explanation but the apology sounds sincere.

“Do you want to talk about whatever happened tonight?” Changkyun still offers but Kihyun makes a negative sound.

“I just want to sleep it off.”

“Okay.”

Changkyun quickly comes to find that it’s not an overnight thing and that it takes Kihyun a few days to go back to his normal self. He even tries to ask Minhyuk if he knows anything because he’s noticed Hyungwon and Jooheon are also a little off. To which he only shrugs and gives him his best effort of a reassuring smile.

None of it sits well with him.

Even now on a mission where they’ve been, strangely, all sent out to. Everyone’s doing their assigned part correctly but there seems to still be some sort of underlying tension 

_ We have what we need, off him. There’s a team on the way to take care of the rest. _

The words calmly crackling in their earpiece force Changkyun out of his thoughts and resonate too loudly in Changkyun’s head.

It had been an easy mission, the man had been on his own, taken by surprise and barely having time to get in a scuffle with Hoseok before being restrained and having information pried out of him.

From where he’s perched on the small tailgate at the back of their van, Changkyun only has Jooheon and Hyungwon in his sight and while their faces are of stone, they both halt for a moment too long, a look passing between the both of them. 

_ What the fuck. _

They can’t be asking them to dispose of someone so harmless.

Jumping off the back of the van and into the melting snow on the ground, Changkyun rounds the corner just in time to see Hoseok turning away from Hyunwoo with fists clenched and Kihyun standing off to the side with Minhyuk, the poor excuse of a criminal they just forced information out of on his knees in front of their leader, pleas babbling out of his mouth, the cuts and melting snow on his face making him look all sorts of miserable.

Before he can even think of saying something, Changkyun sees Hyunwoo crouch behind the man, securing him in a headlock, and in a single squeeze of his arm, Changkyun hears the sickening crack of the man’s neck snapping.

Feeling his heart drop, Changkyun turns away from the criminal’s now limp body, his legs feeling like they might give out and his stomach like it might just expel its content.

Everyone is silent. No one is uttering a word and Changkyun wants to scream. But he can’t. He finds himself just looking at the way Minhyuk lowers himself next to the body, reaching to hold a slack hand in his and, before he knows it, the man completely disappears.

Changkyun’s mouth drops slightly in shock. He knows Minhyuk has been working on transferring his invisibility for a while now but he thought he could only do it with small objects. Not entire fucking dead bodies.

“Send the exact location to the team.” Hyunwoo breaks the silence and Changkyun almost jumps but Hoseok simply nods, pulling his phone out of his pocket and typing for a few seconds before pocketing it again.

Changkyun has the abrupt realization that he might have been left out of some crucial details about their work.

“Let’s go.” Jooheon tells him, squeezing his shoulder as he walks past him and gets into the van.

All of them gather in the van except for Hyungwon. 

Changkyun watches him walk away slowly morphing into the dead man, prior to the broken neck and bleeding head.

He can’t even find it in himself to ask questions just yet.

Once they’re all seated, on their way back to the facility, the shock is starting to leave Changkyun and he’s left with a nasty boiling feeling under his skin.

“Are none of you going to fucking say anything?” He asks and the tension is palpable inside the van.

“What do you want us to say?” Hoseok speaks from the driver's seat. His voice is quiet. So different from his own venom-filled one.

“Maybe start with why we didn’t question or hesitate to kill him.”

“Did you not read the file yesterday,” Kihyun speaks for the first time since everything happened and it strikes deep inside of him with how it’s not really a question but an observation.

He had barely skimmed over the pages, something about the man being a corrupted politician who had given away government money for information for personal gains.

He’s quickly reminded of the somber expressions on their faces the previous night. Which he now realizes he had wrongly attributed to whatever had happened a few days prior.

“He was on his knees begging.” He still insists and Kihyun fixes him with a stare that almost deters him completely.

“Do you think those young mutant girls he was selling to his rich friends were begging too?”

Changkyun’s mouth clamps shut and he feels bile rising at the back of his throat.

“Ki, don’t be too hard.” Minhyuk turns from the passenger seat and Changkyun wants to tell him that it’s okay. 

That in the end, it was his own fucking fault for thinking they would forever be sent on measly criminal missions. But he’s afraid he might either puke or burst into tears if he opens his mouth.

So he stays silent for the rest of the ride until they’re at the facility.

Changkyun thinks a too warm shower can maybe clear his head from all the thoughts swirling in there. Wash away the nasty feeling twisting at his guts but he’s wrong.

It only intensifies every bad feeling inside of him, gives him time to mull them over, and how  _ wrong _ everything feels.

When he walks out of the bathroom, he has to look away from Kihyun’s searching eyes. They feel too prying at the moment.

“Sorry for being harsh earlier. Are you holding up okay?” He asks when Changkyun tries his hardest to bottle up everything and it’s like those last few words are enough to snap his resolve in half.

“This is so fucking wrong.” He seethes, still not facing Kihyun but he can feel his eyes boring into his back.

“Changkyun, that guy was truly scum.”

“It’s not about  _ him _ ! It’s about what they’re making us do! We deal with mutants, he wasn’t one! His guards weren’t with him, he wasn’t posing a threat  _ to us _ , we could’ve just brought him back and have him thrown into a cell.” He bites.

“I know…” Kihyun mutters and it’s like he’s trying hard to figure out what to say but he sounds so calm and  _ used _ to this that it makes Changkyun’s blood boil.

“Why don’t you seem affected? They want us to  _ kill _ people, Kihyun.” He finally whirls around, needing to get his point across.

“I know.” Kihyun reiterates. “The other day...The mission with Hyungwon and Jooheon.” He lets his words hang in the air. Changkyun feels as though a bucket of cold water has been dropped on his head.

“You had to kill someone.” He deduces and Kihyun acquiesces, still giving him a peculiar look.

“You really didn’t think it would happen?” He asks carefully. “We’ve been forced into working for some pretty bad people. People who like to have things cleared and swept under the rug fast. It should be expected.” He tries to reason and it makes a lump form in Changkyun’s throat, his head starting to spin a little.

“And that fucking makes it okay?” He shoots back. He wants to yell. He wants Kihyun to be as outraged as he feels.

“Of course not. But it’s either them or us.” He drops and it chills Changkyun down to the bones. The cold hand of reality slapping him across the face. “You remember when we first got here? What they told us if we disobeyed orders?” He finishes and - fuck... _ fuck _ . - Changkyun  _ knows _ , of course, he remembers.

The sudden hopelessness he feels is a thousand times worse than the anger that’s been festering for the past hours.

“I can’t fucking do this, Ki, I’m not...I’m not meant for this I - ” Changkyun interrupts himself, head pounding and vision starting to get blurry, his subconscious feeling like it’s pulling him into all different directions.

“Hey, hey, calm down.” Kihyun’s voice is suddenly right next to him and Changkyun can barely feel his arms around him, hands clasping on each side of his face in an attempt to steady him. “Look at me.” He instructs in a whisper and Changkyun blinks at him, his face finally coming back into focus and he feels so desperate for any sort of grounding. Any stability that will make the spinning in his head stop.

The next thing he knows, he’s pushing forward and mashing his lips against Kihyun’s in a semblance of a kiss. He can feel more than hear the surprised gasp Kihyun lets out, his fingers still holding onto his face flexing against his skin before he moves back.

“Changkyun, what - ”

“Please I just need - something. Anything.” He swallows thickly, fingers clutching onto Kihyun’s shirt at his sides when he moves closer again.

There’s a moment where he thinks Kihyun will just silently go along with whatever he has in mind when he lets him kiss him again with even less finesse. Lets him untuck his shirt from his pants and reach for his belt.

It’s only when he’s about to beg him to  _ do  _ something that Changkyun feels Kihyun’s arms moving around him almost like he’s trying to embrace him that he feels a warmth he’s become quite familiar with spread inside of him and he tries to step back.

The weak push he gives Kihyun barely makes him budge.

“Don’t try to use your shit to heal me, it’s a feeling, it won’t work.” He frowns harshly and Kihyun stares back at him.

“Neither does fucking things away.” He says back and Changkyun kind of feels like crying but his eyes have never been this dry.

“So it’s only okay when  _ you _ need to?”

“I’m not going to fuck you when you’re this upset.”

“Then just make me feel something  _ else _ .” He almost pleads, stepping close again.

Kihyun holds onto his hips, using his grip to keep him still instead of pulling him closer. “Changkyun, that’s not -”

Changkyun slaps his hands away. “Don’t come to me next time some shit happens and you need a distraction.”

Changkyun knows his tone is spiteful as the words leave him. He knows he doesn’t entirely mean them. He  _ knows _ he’s upset, overwhelmed with everything and he can’t bring his mind to fully clear up. Some sort of static a constant buzz at the back of it.

When he’s met with silence, Changkyun lets out a huff. “I’m going outside for a while.” He declares before turning around and exiting the room, maybe closing the door a little too harshly.

Walking down the hallway to the side balcony of the facility, Changkyun doesn’t know if he’s disappointed or glad that Kihyun doesn’t try to stop him or follow him.

The early spring air feels good in his system, clearing some of the anger and stuffiness in his head. He doesn’t feel like puking his guts out anymore.

Which also makes him realize that he might have exaggerated and thrown his feelings about everything in Kihyun’s face.

Letting his head hang over the railing, Changkyun stares down at the ground below, his heart squeezing tightly. He feels guilt slowly creeping inside of his chest. He knows his and Kihyun’s unsaid arrangement serves to release their tensions and maybe make things a little easier going through all of this but that doesn’t give him the right to just jump on him because he’s feeling shitty.

He doesn’t have time to dwell on his thoughts for more than a few minutes before he hears the door slide open behind him.

Looking back, he sees Hoseok, walking out, a thick jacket wrapped around himself and it makes Changkyun realize he’s only wearing a hoodie and slippers.

“Kihyun sent you?” He asks knowingly and Hoseok hums, standing right next to him and resting his arms on the railing.

“He was worried but he wasn’t sure you wanted him to come after you.” He explains briefly and Changkyun feels even more shitty for how he talked to him.

“I had a bit of a freak out.” He admits after the silence becomes too pressing.

“About the whole mission thing?” He assumes.

“Amongst other things...I just...It feels like all of you are dealing with things okay and I’m just...barely keeping my head above the water.” He reveals and Hoseok throws an arm around his shoulders and squeezes him against his side.

“I think maybe you’ve been working so hard on developing some of your abilities that you forgot to see where we are and why we’re here,” Hoseok says and Changkyun feels his breath short for a split second.

From the beginning, he told himself they most likely would have to do some pretty ugly stuff. From the way they were all drafted from their previous life to the way they’re being taught to fight and use weapons. Their own selves being used as weapons. And yet he put it all on the back burner of his mind.

“I think you might be right.” He concedes, resting his head against Hoseok’s shoulder.

“Hyunwoo hopes you’re not angry with him. He wanted to do it so none of us had that on our hands” Hoseok says when the silence stretches and Changkyun frowns.

“I thought it was weird before we left that all of us had to go.” Changkyun starts slowly and Hoseok looks at him curiously. “We haven’t gone into a mission all together since those first few times. Two of us could have dealt just fine.”

“What are you getting at?”

“Don’t you get it?” Changkyun huff, not annoyed at Hoseok but at the situation. “They wanted us to  _ see _ . They wanted all of us to know what we’d have to do.” He finishes, thinking about what Kihyun just admitted to him, having come to the conclusion just now. His blood chills slightly in his veins.

“I...I think you might be right.” Hoseok parrots his words, suddenly looking deep in thoughts.

“I’m pretty sure we’re all going to have blood on our hands pretty soon.” He sighs, the panic having completely subdued and leaving place to exhaustion. “Tell Hyunwoo I’m not mad at him?” He requests and Hoseok nods.

“Come on, let's go back inside before you get sick.” He throws a sudden smile instead of commenting any more on his words, rubbing at his arm and Changkyun hums, knowing it’s also way too late for how early they need to be up.

When he walks back in their room after being crushed into a hug and bidding Hoseok a good night, Changkyun feels uneasiness rising in his chest again when Kihyun turns from where he was looking out the window.

“Are you better?” He asks carefully, taking a few steps closer and Changkyun nods, avoiding his eyes.

“Yes...I’m just going to sleep. I feel exhausted.” He replies briefly, knowing that he’s only postponing the talk Kihyun obviously wants to have about what happened earlier, but he’s not ready to face it yet.

“Changkyun -”

“Please give me a few hours.”

His plea seems to get through instantly because Kihyun’s mouth falls shut and he gives a curt nod.

  
  


The next morning when he wakes up, Changkyun feels apprehension sitting heavily in his chest when he sees Kihyun already up and about in their room. He’s slightly worried about Kihyun being angry but instead of giving him the cold shoulders, he offers him a smile and throws clothes at him.

“Come train with me.”

Changkyun groans in displeasure but still gets ready without any actual complaint.

Something is different. That’s all Changkyun can think after a while of training with Kihyun. Whenever they practice their fighting skills, Kihyun is usually ruthless. Truly letting him know just how much better he is at grappling around on those blue mats. 

Now it’s almost like he’s going easy on him and giving him all the chances he can to take him down. Changkyun isn’t sure if he appreciates it or if it makes him feel patronized.

“I’m fine you know.” Changkyun breathes heavily, sitting on the mat, Kihyun’s ankle twisted into his grip.

He stares back at him with a peculiar look.

“Are you sure? You seemed pretty distraught last night.” He speaks, not exactly freeing himself from his hold but twisting around a little to look at him better.

“I just freaked out. I needed time to process everything.” He says and it’s the truth. He still hates what they have to do but there’s this part of him that he feels always knew it would come to this. They’ve been given  _ gun training _ . Of course they won’t be only for self-defense.

“If you say so,” Kihyun says after a beat of silence which Changkyun guesses is him acquiescing with his words.

Changkyun barely has time to blink that he’s being handled and slammed back with little finesse.

“I knew you were going easy on me.” Changkyun groans his earlier thought. There’s only so much the thin mat can absorb.

“Of course.” Kihyun chuckles. “I thought you might need a break.” He adds and when Changkyun tries to free himself, he twists them around and slips a hand under one of his knees, bringing his leg up all the way to his chest, holding the back of his neck with his other arm and locking his hands together.

Changkyun can’t  _ move _ .

“How the  _ fuck _ do you do all that.” He wheezes with a frown because Kihyun’s face is right in front of his and there’s this proud grin on his face and that cocky expression that Changkyun can swear either makes him laugh or ready to agree to anything he says.

“I’m getting used to bending you in different positions.” He replies cheekily and Changkyun squawks almost indignantly.

“You’re horrible. Stop using my flexibility against me.” He grumbles, trying to squirm around if only to hide how he definitely wouldn’t mind being folded in half in another setting right now.

When he’s let free, Changkyun wonders if sparring with Kihyun will eventually stop making him feel like his skin is on fire. Stop making his stomach coil tightly at the thought of rolling around together and being manhandled.

And maybe he doesn’t mind because Kihyun is usually all too willing to help him out afterward. But today Minhyuk drops by the training room to ask Kihyun to go over the outing they’re going on that night. And just like that Kihyun gives him a pat on the back and walks away with him as if he didn’t just definitely feel his dick twitch against his leg.

_ And maybe  _ Changkyun is a little bitter when he finds the two sitting in the common area after stopping by their room for a shower. Kihyun is looking all kind of relaxed and unbothered while he’s still feeling like the slightest touch would spur him on. And perhaps he’s feeling emboldened by his annoyance or he just doesn’t care anymore, but when he drops in the seat next to Kihyun, he sneaks a hand under the table, sliding his fingers on the inside of his thigh and lifting the fabric of his shorts.

Changkyun feels Kihyun’s body lock up for a split second. He throws him a look but it’s subtle enough that Minhyuk doesn’t notice and keeps talking about whatever it is that they have to do that night. Changkyun isn’t paying attention.

Instead, he lets his head rest against Kihyun’s shoulder, hiding a smile in the dip of his neck. 

Minhyuk gives them a look but otherwise doesn’t say anything. So Changkyun keeps going. He lets his fingers trail higher on Kihyun’s thigh, pride bubbling in his chest at how he clears his throat and shuffles in his seat.

Changkyun has tuned out the conversation since he got there but he can still tell Kihyun is getting distracted. He looks at Minhyuk when he lets out a loud sigh.

“Listen, I’m glad you two are fucking or whatever but can you please keep that shit for when I’m not sitting literally right in front of you?” He asks and Changkyun wants to laugh.

If there’s one thing he’s discovered over the past few months, it’s that while Kihyun isn’t shy to talk about others, he likes his personal business to be just that. Personal.

Changkyun can see the blush creeping high on his cheeks and covering his ears. He presses his lips on his cheek with a loud smack and snickers at the look it earns him.

“I’ll let you guys finish then.” He grins, hoping that even with the glare Kihyun is sending him he’ll be merciful later on.

Minhyuk seems all too amused and Changkyun only slightly feels bad for leaving.

Changkyun figures it might take a while before Kihyun shows up. He considers getting himself naked and worked up but the thought that Kihyun might completely ignore him and leave him high and dry and he decides against it. In the end, he simply lounges on his bed, phone in hand, going through some notes he saved and he can admit that he’s surprised by how soon Kihyun pushes the door open. 

“You are a complete gremlin.” Is the first thing that comes out of Kihyun’s mouth and Changkyun laughs.

“Honestly I kind of expected you to take your time and make me wait.” He says and Kihyun’s expression turns sour.

Changkyun is amused.

“I intended to but then Minhyuk just kept asking questions and  _ talking _ .” He groans, still a hint of redness on his cheeks as he walks closer to him and Changkyun sits up on his knees on the bed, abandoning his phone somewhere in his sheets. “He asked if we were about to fuck in the training room before he showed up.”

“I won’t lie, I was thinking about it,” Changkyun admits, and Kihyun snorts.

“I know, you’re very easy to read.” He muses, catching his wrists to keep them by his sides when Changkyun reaches for him.

Changkyun feels anticipation twist his stomach at the look in Kihyun’s eyes. At the way he lets his hand move from his wrist, smooth down his side, and for his palm to end up pressing against the front of his shorts. Changkyun holds his breath when Kihyun leans in close to him, his mouth against his ear.

“Just like you’re expecting me to give in to what you want right now.” He whispers before moving back and taking his hands from his body.

Changkyun stares back at him. “Come  _ on _ , I've been waiting for the whole day.” He whines because he’s definitely not above that if it gets him what he wants.

“It’s been like a few hours,” Kihyun snorts. “After the shit you pulled earlier, you can wait until I shower.”

And just like that, he leaves him.  _ Again. _

Changkyun huffs in annoyance when the bathroom door closes. He weakly glares at it until it registers in his head that he didn’t hear the lock click into place and the heat in his stomach swirls back up.

Debating for a few moments, Changkyun rids himself of his clothes and sneaks into the bathroom.

Kihyun is busy washing his hair and his eyes are closed. He doesn’t notice Changkyun until he opens the shower door.

“Seriously?” Kihyun sighs but Changkyun grins at him.

“You would’ve locked the door if you really didn’t want me to come in.” He says and Kihyun chuckles.

“You got me there.” He replies flatly and Changkyun leans in to kiss his shoulder, his chest, letting Kihyun push his hair back and away from his face, letting the warm water soak him too before slowly moving down to his knees.

He knows with the way Kihyun angles his body to keep the spray from hitting his face and how he keeps pushing his fingers through his hair that he’s not really annoyed at him.

“An apologetic blowie for abandoning you earlier?” He asks and Kihyun groans, pulling harshly at the strands between his fingers.

“Please stop using the word blowie.”

Changkyun chuckles and puts his mouth to work, knowing fully well his tongue can make Kihyun weak in the knees and it only takes him a moment to get him fully hard. He chances looking up a few times and he finds Kihyun staring right back at him every time. His lips are slightly parted to let out quiet moans and his eyes always look like they’re about to consume him. 

It makes Changkyun’s shake a little with need and wanting to please. To give him more.

“You know I kind of regret not letting you suck me off that first time. You're amazing.” Kihyun breathes, a moan slipping into his speech at a particularly hard suck.

Changkyun pulls off with a quiet laugh, pride bubbling up in his chest, he runs the tip of his tongue over the underside of his cock. “Maybe I’d do it more often if those tiles weren’t so uncomfortable.” He speaks, intending on taking him back into his mouth but the next thing he knows, he’s being lifted back up to his feet.

‘You should’ve said something.” Kihyun says, taking a look at his face. He stops for a moment and Changkyun nearly asks if there’s something wrong. He looks almost dazed as he shuts off the water.

Changkyun is slightly confused.

“Do you know how pretty you look.” He whispers, dragging him out of the shower and Changkyun feels heat bursting under his skin at the tone of his voice.

He didn’t know he might have some sort of incline for praises.

Kihyun stands behind him and brings him up in front of the sink where Changkyun can see their reflection. A heavy flush covers his face at how wrecked he looks already. His lips are red and swollen and his eyes dark. He’s always known he enjoys sucking dick but he never stopped to check how it made him look.

Leaving open-mouthed kisses on the side of his neck, Kihyun presses closer against his back and Changkyun can feel his cock nudging at his ass. Their skin is wet and too warm and he swallows thickly, moving his eyes from his own reflection to Kihyun’s face and finding him already looking.

“No wonder I can never resist you,” Kihyun speaks, voice low and eyes focused on him.

Changkyun shivers and gasps when Kihyun’s hands' stroke down his body only to let his nails rake back up from his stomach to his chest and leave red marks on his skin.

Clutching at the counter with white knuckles, Changkyun lets his head drop forward because everything feels too intense.

“You know you’re really stroking my ego right now.” He breathes, feeling Kihyun’s mouth leaving a burning trail between his shoulder blades, his tongue catching droplets of water on its path.

“I really want to eat you out and then fuck you.” Kihyun starts, moving back up to bite at his ear. He knows it’s a weak spot for him and Changkyun feels himself throbbing. “I want to see just how much I can ruin you.” 

Changkyun has no idea where this is all coming from. If it’s been there all along and Kihyun was simply holding back but it’s making his insides burn and his limbs shake with anticipation.

He has to remind himself that he hasn’t even really been touched yet but still, he knows he won’t be able to endure all of that.

“Just fuck me and keep the rest for later.” 

“Impatient.” Kihyun raises a brow and there’s a subtly sly look in his eyes but Changkyun isn’t ashamed of being honest.

“Yes. Literally hours. I told you.” He groans, pushing back against him, and Kihyun gasps, hands falling into Changkyun’s hips when his dick slides between his cheeks.

“Okay, okay.” He chuckles but it’s breathless and strained. Changkyun loves to see him crack when he tries to look in control.

Kihyun moves back enough to reach their cabinet and Changkyun takes it as an opportunity to turn around.

“And you tell me this wasn’t planned.” Changkyun grins when he sees Kihyun pull out lube and a condom.

“I figured it would only be a question of time before it came in handy with you around.”

“Give me that,” Changkyun says, grabbing the condom and ripping the package open.

“I should make you wait even more for being this eager.” Kihyun hisses when Changkyun rolls it down his length, also snatching the lube from his hand.

“Please don’t. I’m getting kind of testy.” He whispers, catching his mouth into a not so gentle kiss, hand working to spread lube on his cock.

“Hold on.” Kihyun moans quietly against his mouth. “Aren’t going to let me prep you at least?”

Changkyun whines in displeasure. “I’m pretty used to it now, just go in slow.” 

Kihyun looks at him for a moment, obviously trying to decide if he should listen to him or insist, but Changkyun can see how close he is to snapping. He can see the way he’s holding back. The tenseness in his face and his shoulders. So he strokes him deliberately slow and drags his tongue against the side of his neck.

“Turn back around.” Kihyun instructs him abruptly, squeezing onto his hips and guiding him along. “I want you to look.” He smiles, reaching around to grab his chin and make him look at them. Changkyun is pretty sure that it is the closest thing he’s seen to a smirk on his face.

He can feel his dick twitching between his legs and he’s not entirely sure what that says about it.

Changkyun sucks in a breath, spreading his legs a bit more when he feels lube being drizzled onto his hole.

“You sure?” Kihyun still asks and Changkyun can only smile at how, even when he basically told him he just wants to get wrecked, he still takes the time to check.

“Yeah.” 

And then Kihyun has a hand on his waist to steady him and the other guiding his cock past his rim. 

“Fuck.” Changkyun lets his head fall forwards again when he slowly inches in and bottoms out. It feels full and intense without stretching first but it’s a good kind of too much.

“You okay?” Kihyun asks and he sounds so breathless. Almost like his lungs can’t expand enough to take in enough air.

“I’m good. Move.” He demands and Kihyun gives a tentative roll of hips.

Changkyun’s moan gets stuck in his throat when Kihyun uses both hands on his hips to bring him back against him, trying to find a rhythm that will satisfy both of them.

It isn’t long before they find a steady back and forth and Changkyun reaches down to touch himself, his cock deprived and sensitive, and it’s like every single sensation comes rushing to him at the same time.

“Harder.” He gasps.

“Look at yourself.” Kihyun breathes. Changkyun picks up his head catching Kihyun’s eyes first in their reflection before falling on his own face. He looks so  _ gone. _

He knows this is them. This is him. But there’s something that feels slightly perverse about watching himself get fucked.

Changkyun doesn’t expect it to make his insides feel even hotter.

“Kihyun, please.” He begs when Kihyun seems to go softer on him instead of what he asked for.

Changkyun feels a whine bubbling at the back of his throat when Kihyun pulls out but it turns into a choked moan when he grabs the back of his knee, propping his right leg up on the counter, and slips back inside of him.

“You feel so good.” Kihyun whispers, holding onto his shoulders to keep him in place and slamming into him harder and deeper and there’s something about this angle and position that renders Changkyun speechless. 

Changkyun can feel his leg trembling with the effort of holding himself up but he doesn’t want to move. Every thrust is hitting the right way and it takes him a moment to realize that his hand isn’t even moving on his dick.

“Shit. I’m close, don’t stop.” There’s a breathy laugh to his moan because he knows he’s about to come. Just like that. Without really touching himself.

It takes a few more strokes before the coiling in the pit of his stomach snaps. Changkyun’s leg falls back on the floor and his other knee buckles into the cabinet under the sink and maybe he would feel a little pain if his orgasm wasn’t still coming in waves. He thinks Kihyun might be finishing with him by the sound he makes but his mind is still too fuzzy with small bursts of pleasure still spreading under his skin.

“I’ve got you.” Kihyun breathes heavily against his ear and he’s still buried deep inside of him but he’s got his arms wrapped around his waist to steady him.

Changkyun chuckles, breathless and sated, looking up at Kihyun through the mirror.

“Did you get to finish?” He asks and Kihyun hums, dropping a kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“Yeah. I think you were too busy blacking out to notice.” He grins, tired but mischievous.

“Shut up.” He groans, turning around and causing Kihyun to slip out of him.

Kihyun gasps and slaps his arm at the sudden movement.

“I saw how you came without touching yourself.” He remarks, discarding the condom and Changkyun thinks he looks a little too proud.

“Don’t let it get to your head.” Changkyun pinches his side.

Changkyun steps beside him to properly get cleaned up but Kihyun catches his wrist. Humming questioningly, Changkyun doesn’t expect Kihyun to bring him into a kiss. His thumb is rubbing against the inside of his wrist and his other hand holding onto his jaw. It’s soft and slow and Changkyun thinks it’s a little ridiculous how he feels his cheeks warming up at the way Kihyun’s hand falls to his lower back, rubbing it gently, tongue brushing against his. 

To be frank, it turns him breathless and he feels melted when Kihyun pulls back and grins at him, pressing a quick peck to his cheek. Changkyun can deal with rough, unattached, or even friendly touches but these? they don’t feel like either and he can feel his heart latch onto every single one of them.

“Let’s get cleaned up and try to sleep a little. We have to go out tonight.” Kihyun says and, right. Just like that, the spell is broken. They have a mission in a few hours. 

  
  
  


Changkyun knows he should be paying more attention. They had words that a certain mutant would be around here and they have to catch her and bring her alive back to the institute. They’re on the side of a bridge. Waiting to block her path. They’ve been told that she’s very elusive but that she doesn’t know they’re there. 

But his mind is somewhere else.

He knows he’s acting like some sort of lovesick teenager and right now is not the time but he can’t get out of his mind his feelings for Kihyun. He could ignore them before. He’s always been good at compartmentalizing but it’s been floating in his head since earlier. He wasn’t able to sleep and now he’s feeling the effect.

“Are you cold?” Changkyun snaps out of his head when Jooheon sits next to him on the rock he’s perched on to keep a lookout for their mission.

“I’m okay.” He sighs but still snuggles up to his side. It’s getting warmer by the day but it’s still the middle of the night and they’re by the water and Jooheon is always warm and soft.

Still, his eyes are trained on Kihyun and Minhyuk exploring possible escapes the mutant could make. Apparently, she can be quite elusive, hence the reason there are four of them to capture a single mutant.

Changkyun had tried to speak with Kihyun at first but he’s been looking tensed ever since they got here. Changkyun isn’t exactly sure if he did or said something because he seemed to be fine with him before they left.

He hates how hard it is to read him sometimes.

Jooheon hums as he observes him but doesn’t press. It’s obvious he wants to ask questions but instead he starts talking to him about this other mission he went on with Hoseok. And how scary he actually becomes when someone threatens any of them. How intimidating his powers become when he really wants to.

Changkyun smiles at that because while he doesn’t often get paired up with him, that’s something he always assumed.

“You know there’s-”

“Minhyuk!”

Changkyun startles along with Jooheon and jumps up at the sight of Minhyuk throwing himself off the side of the bridge. He knows the water isn’t too deep or the current strong enough to swipe him away but something about Kihyun’s scream makes his entire body freeze up, the cry sounding like it’s resonating too loudly in his head and rattling all the way down to his bones.

For a second he feels like he’s being thrown in some sort of time warp and the next thing he knows, it’s swelteringly humid, the sky is menacingly gray and he’s standing on the edge of a cliff underneath a different bridge, the water dark and murky below.

“Are you sure he came this way?”

Kihyun speaks seemingly out of breath and somewhat nervous. “You know I’m not that great of a swimmer.” He adds and his voice sounds a little far away and like it’s coming from right behind him and yet Changkyun can’t see him.

“I caught up to him in a second but when he saw me he went completely transparent,” Jooheon says and Changkyun turns around to see him looking straight back at him.

It finally dawns on him that he’s reliving one of Kihyun’s memories.

“I don’t feel good.” Minhyuk’s voice comes as a whisper, barely audible over the noise of the cars on the bridge above them and Changkyun whirls back toward the edge of the cliff.

“Min, come on, let us see you.” Jooheon almost pleads and Changkyun feels so lost as to what is going on.

“Please, we’re in this together.” Kihyun adds and it sounds so  _ desperate _ .

“I...I want to but I can’t. I can’t turn back.” Minhyuk says and it sounds like he’s crying, his voice hoarse and shaky. “Please...I.” The sound wavers weakly before it falls quiet.

Changkyun observes, feeling worry gnawing at his stomach from what is happening, holding his breath the moment he hears a dull thud on the ground before there’s a loud splash coming from below the cliff.

Everything seems to halt for a moment until he registers what happens.

“Minhyuk!”

“Fuck!”

Changkyun isn’t sure who yelled. There seems to be screaming all around his head and the next thing he knows, it feels like he’s the one running toward the edge of the cliff.

“Kihyun don’t!”

Changkyun wants to shout too but it’s like he’s stuck in a bad dream - like his body isn’t listening to him - and in an instant, he’s free-falling toward the agitated water.

Just as he’s about to hit the water below, Changkyun comes back to himself with a painful gasp, his body feeling completely rigid and his heart almost beating out of his chest.

“Are you okay?”

Blinking blearily at Jooheon leaning over him with a worried expression, Changkyun realizes he’s on the ground, a rock digging painfully between his shoulders and the back of his head throbbing.

“It’s been a while since you passed out.” He speaks, giving him a hand to help him sit up.

“Is Minhyuk okay?” He croaks out, looking around and spotting Kihyun hovering around a very damp looking Minhyuk.

“I can’t believe you just stole my thunder by passing out again.” Minhyuk says lightly, earning himself a slap on the back of the head.

“You shouldn’t have done it.”

Changkyun stares quietly, unsure what to make of the contrast between the harshness of Kihyun’s tone and the gentle way he’s checking up on Minhyuk. His eyes are of steel and yet there’s a slight tremble to his fingers as he pushes from the ground when he deems him unarmed.

“The element of surprise worked.” Minhyuk supplies weakly and Changkyun looks around, finding the mutant’s body on the ground, breathing but unconscious, but Kihyun’s expression only seems to harden.

“It was fucking reckless.” He spits and Changkyun has never heard him sound so cold it sends a shiver down his spine to vaguely understand  _ why _ after what he’s seen.

“Come on Ki, it wasn’t that bad.” Minhyuk tries to defuse the heavy atmosphere and Changkyun glances back toward Jooheon to see if he’s going to stand up for Minhyuk like usual but he’s eerily quiet this time.

“There’s a reason they sent four of us. So that we wouldn’t resort to stupid shit like this.”

“We would’ve caught her eventually, I think Kihyun is right.” Changkyun intervenes when he sees Kihyun’s face shift and it looks like he’s about to actually chew him out.

Instead, Kihyun turns his attention toward him and Changkyun feels frozen with how sharp and knowing his gaze feels.

“Let’s go back. I think everyone needs rest.” Jooheon says, helping him up and Changkyun is thankful for how it seems to momentarily break the tension.

The ride back to the institute is almost completely silent and the congratulations they receive from their superiors are met with quiet acknowledgment.

The others aren’t back from their own assignment yet and Changkyun wonders if maybe it’s better this way. Better to avoid creating even more tension by recalling the incident.

And for the first time, Changkyun feels an unsettling amount of apprehension twisting in his gut at the thought of being alone with Kihyun.

He follows a few steps behind through the corridors, almost seeing the rage silently emanating from Kihyun’s silhouette.

Changkyun holds his breath when Kihyun opens the door to let them in and he slowly turns to face him. They don’t turn on the main light. Changkyun doesn’t dare to move yet.

Kihyun’s face is barely illuminated by the desk lamp they forgot to turn off before leaving. His posture looks so calm and posed but there’s a fire brewing in his eyes when he turns toward him and Changkyun’s breath is stuck in his throat. He has no idea what to expect. If he should stay silent or try to explain himself before Kihyun comes to conclusions on his own.

“Did you fucking try to force yourself in my head back there?” He asks, looking too calm for how low his voice is and how much venom it holds.It makes Changkyun almost want to cower in the corner.

At least he has his answer.

“That’s not...I didn’t - ” He tries to speak but he doesn’t know the way to explain what happened. He’s not even sure  _ how  _ it happened.

“Changkyun I  _ felt _ you.” Kihyun almost spits the words and Changkyun feels panic rising in his chest.

“Please, you know I wouldn’t do that without your consent.” He splutters, stepping forward but halting his step, unsure of how he’s supposed to reach out to him.

“Then tell me what the fuck that was.” Kihyun demands and Changkyun knows he has every right to know. 

“It was a memory...I saw you below a bridge with Jooheon and...Minhyuk.” He tries quietly and Kihyun’s entire expression shifts, his anger seemingly deflating before settling into confusion.

“What are you talking about? Changkyun, why would you look for something like that when -”

“I wasn’t  _ looking _ for it.” Changkyun interrupts. “When Minhyuk jumped and you...called for him, it’s like I was pulled into you.” He tries to explain the feeling as best as he can. “Please believe me.” He adds because the last thing he wants is to lose Kihyun’s trust over something he couldn’t control.

Kihyun stares at him for a moment before he sits on the edge of his bed and rests his elbows on his knees, head hung low.

“I believe you. I’m sorry, it’s just...That day. That was the scariest moment of my life and I thought I was about to relive it.” He admits weakly and Changkyun feels his heart clench painfully.

Moving closer, Changkyun wants to try and comfort him but he’s not sure if Kihyun  _ wants _ him to. He still has reasons to be angry with him even if the situation wasn’t intentional. But Kihyun seems to read him easily like always and he offers a hand. Changkyun gladly takes it and kneels in front of him so he can look up at his face.

“What...What happened that day?” He asks unsurely. “I...I know Minhyuk somehow couldn’t control his invisibility and...Fell but it was all pretty blurry and rushed.” He explains and Kihyun closes his eyes for a moment, leaning forward and pressing his forehead against the top of his head so Changkyun wraps his arms around his waist to hug him.

“Remember when I told you about Youngmi and the orphanage? When she died, he...” Kihyun starts unsurely and Changkyun squeezes him a little before he moves back so he can see his face again. “You know how he had a hard time controlling his shifts over his emotions?” He asks and Changkyun nods. “It was even worse back then and at that cliff he just...fainted. He hadn’t been eating and sleeping enough. He broke down that day...When he fell into that water…” Kihyun trails off and Changkyun sees his eyes glaze over.

Like he’s cried too many times over it before and won’t let himself anymore.

He tries hard to not let his own emotions get the best of him.

“It’s okay if you’d rather not talk about it.” He offers gently, rubbing at the rip in his pants right over his knee but Kihyun shakes his head.

“It’s okay, I just...The only thought in my head was that I needed to get him out. So that’s what I did.” He adds.

“Even if you didn’t really know how to swim back then.” He finishes and Kihyun lets out a terse laugh, moisture gathering in his eyes but no tears forming.

“That might be the reason why I found him. I was flailing around and I hit the dumbass with my leg. Jooheon was down there and helping me a few seconds later and bringing us to shore. He was gone for a moment, Changkyun. We were able to bring him back but...” He trails off, not finishing his sentence but Changkyun understands. That kind of stuff leaves a mark.

“What about today? What happened at the bridge?” He shifts the conversation a little to keep Kihyun from going deeper into those memories. And also having been too afraid to ask earlier because of the tension.

“The girl controls water and Min saw her spot  _ us _ and try to escape the way we weren’t expecting so he jumped in the river. He knew she’d have the advantage and we’d lose her so he followed. He managed to restrain her long enough for Jooheon to get down there and knock her out. The girl almost drowned. Ironic isn’t it?” He laughs but it all sounds a little too distant.

Changkyun hates it.

Pushing himself up from the floor, Changkyun lowers himself into Kihyun’s lap, cupping his face into his hands and letting his thumb ghost over his closing eyelids.

He almost hopes to find tears. Hopes for Kihyun to let go for once but there’s nothing.

“We’re all okay.” He tries to reassure for lack of better words to offer. 

Kihyun grants him a quiet acknowledgment as he wraps his arms around him, head buried in his chest and Changkyun’s breath hitches. Maybe it’s wrong of him to feel this way but he feels  _ needed _ .

There’s something about the way Kihyun’s fingers are gripping at the back of his shirt that makes emotions rise up in his throat and Changkyun sucks in a breath, hugging Kihyun’s head to his chest and pushing his fingers through his hair.

“Can I have you?”

The words are whispered against the fabric of his shirt and Changkyun hums questioningly, gently prying Kihyun’s head away from him so he can look at him.

“I don’t want to think about anything else. What happened today. What happened back then...You’re really good at making me forget things.” He says, offering a tired smile and Changkyun feels his heart clench in his chest.

He knows Kihyun doesn’t need him the way he wants him to. The way he wants to be needed. But he still  _ wants _ him. And while it feels hollow and empty sometimes, he’d rather be an escape than nothing at all.

“Okay.” He breathes quietly. “Let me help you.”

Changkyun stands and holds Kihyun’s hands to pull him up too, leaving them both standing in the middle of the room. The lights are dim and yet Changkyun can’t ignore the flicker in Kihyun’s eyes. Ignore the way he’s looking at him. Like he’s entirely in the palm of his hand.

Nerves crawl under Changkyun’s skin once he realizes Kihyun is letting him take the lead. He’s so used to being guided. Being told what to do, where to go, but now he’s just...Observed.

Changkyun realizes this isn’t Kihyun trying to hide his feelings. Hide how scared he was earlier. This is him letting down his guards and letting Changkyun have a glimpse of it.

Deft fingers move to unclasp the gears and vest Kihyun never took the time to take off. Changkyun lets it all fall to the floor, the silence burning his ears and Kihyun’s eyes still trained on him as he works make him burn from the inside.

Moving to pull the shirt tucked into his pants, Changkyun lets his hands move up again to undo the top buttons first. Eyes focused on his fingertips, Changkyun can see and feel smooth skin being revealed. He only stops for a moment when a horizontal scar in the middle of Kihyun’s chest appears and he’s reminded of that night Kihyun wouldn’t heal himself. 

He presses a kiss to it.

Changkyun always thought it to be interesting how solid and strong his chest looks despite how small and breakable his frame seems to be.

Letting his mouth follow after his fingers and pressing Kisses to every new inch of skin, Changkyun makes work of the remaining buttons, pushing the shirt off of his shoulders.

Changkyun wants to kiss him. Really kiss him. Throw himself into it and maybe pour a little too much of himself into it. But there’s something. Something so different and intense about the way Kihyun is looking at him that makes him shy away from doing so.

Instead, he kneels in front of him, fingers holding onto his belt as he ghosts kisses over his hip bones, tongue barely peeking out while practiced fingers work off the belt and holster snug around his thigh.

Just as he’s about to chance a glance up, Changkyun feels fingers comb through his bangs and tilt his head up.

“Don’t be a tease tonight,” Kihyun mutters, subtle frown creasing between his brows and Changkyun wants to say that he isn’t trying to be.

He’s just taking his time to appreciate everything. But he thinks he’s not quite allowed to say that. Not right now, at least.

“I won’t.” He breathes honestly. He knows Kihyun is used to him playing around a lot but he also knows when to stop.

“Wait. Come here.” Kihyun mumbles suddenly, helping him back up when Changkyun undoes his pants and he looks at him in confusion.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, rubbing his hand on his arm but Kihyun still frowns at him before letting his head fall on his shoulder, silently asking to be embraced.

“I changed my mind.” He breathes, voice feeble and Changkyun can feel how much hurt and vulnerability he’s exuding and it’s making his heart ache in his chest.

“Okay.” He accepts gently, wrapping his arms around him without hesitation because if this is the kind of comfort Kihyun decides he needs, that’s what he’ll give to him.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with me like this. It just...Suddenly feels like. A lot.” He apologizes quietly against his neck, hands sliding under his shirt to touch his lower back and Changkyun tries to soothe him as best as he can.

“Don’t apologize. I’m here for you. Always.” He insists and Kihyun pulls his head back to look at his eyes.

His jaw is clenched and his brows still pinched in the middle, eyes abruptly misting with tears.

Changkyun reaches up to cup his face. “Let it out, it’s okay.” He whispers and Kihyun’s face crumbles.

Kihyun pushes his face back into the crook of his neck and Changkyun holds onto him tighter, pets his hair, trying to be comforting but his chest constricts painfully. Kihyun is  _ sobbing _ . The kind of cries that make your body shake and your breath short. And Changkyun has a feeling that it’s about more than what happened tonight. That this was just the drop that was too much.

But he knows better than to mention it.

He isn’t sure how long they stand there like this. How long it takes for Kihyun to calm down. Relax until there’s only a few sparse sniffles. And Changkyun would stay like this for as long as he needs but he can feel a certain soreness in his back and the base of his neck and it makes him wince when he moves again.

He vaguely thinks back of when he passed out earlier. The rock that was digging into his skin.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun immediately asks, pulling away from him.

“I’m fine. This isn’t about me right now, it’s about you.” He tries, hoping, but knowing that it won’t slide past Kihyun.

“Where are you hurting?” He asks, completely ignoring him and Changkyun sighs, taking in the puffiness and redness of his eyes.

“It’s my back, it's just sore from falling before.” He tries to be dismissive but, just as he thought, Kihyun is having none of it.

“Take your shirt off and lie on the bed.” He instructs, moving away from him.

“Kihyun, really, it’s fine. It’ll be better after I sleep for a few hours.” Changkyun attempts but Kihyun doesn’t waver.

“And  _ I  _ can make it better for you right now.” He counters and Changkyun has another retort on the tip of his tongue but Kihyun speaks again before he can get to it. “Please. I don’t like feeling like this. I want to do something I’m used to.” 

It almost sounds like he’s pleading. He wants to do something he’s able to have control over. Changkyun can’t find it in himself to deny him that.

Changkyun doesn’t say anything as he removes his shirt and kicks off the shoes he never took the time to take off when they came back.

Deciding to lie down on Kihyun’s bed instead of his own just because he’s always more comfortable, Changkyun crosses his arms under the pillow, burying his face in the fabric.

“You’re all bruised,” Kihyun mutters, throwing a leg over him and sitting on his butt, ghosting his fingers over his upper back. 

“I’ve had worse.” 

“Why is it that you’re so dramatic when it comes to small things but you brush off the ones actually affecting you?” Kihyun asks, no accusation, just curiosity.

“Probably what childhood trauma does to you.” Changkyun shrugs as best he can in his position.

Kihyun keeps quiet as he works heat into his back and instantly Changkyun can feel the soreness dissolve.

But even once he’s done taking care of the bruising, Kihyun’s hands still move over his back, palms pressing expertly over tensed muscles and fingertips grazing down over his spine. Changkyun feels like putty under his touch.

“You’re really good at this.” He exhales, his eyelids feeling heavy. 

Kihyun only hums, his thumbs pressing down into his lower back and Changkyun groans because he definitely just found out he has pains there. The touch immediately disappears before coming back with that same unnatural warmth. 

“Sorry.” Kihyun apologizes, leaning down and pressing a kiss between his shoulders.

Changkyun isn’t sure what it is. Maybe he’s too tired, maybe Kihyun is being too gentle with handling him or maybe his feelings have just been steadily growing, but he feels emotions clogging up his throat.

Taking in a deep breath, Changkyun kind of regrets it because he  _ does _ have his face mashed into Kihyun’s pillow and his scent is everywhere. But he can’t take Kihyun being like this with him. He doesn’t trust himself from holding back.

“Stop…” The word leaves Changkyun in a whisper and he’s not even sure if he’s talking to Kihyun or more to himself. Telling himself to stop  _ feeling _ .

But Kihyun listens. He slides off of him and squeezes himself between him and the wall. Changkyun can feel his eyes on him and he gathers the small hint of courage he still has and turns his head to look at him, shifts away to make more room for him.

Kihyun’s hands are curled up against his own chest. Obviously unsure and trying to not make a single wrong move. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

The room is still dimly lit and daylight is starting to break through the curtains but Changkyun doesn’t want to move anymore. At least not for a few hours. But Kihyun is still observing him and Changkyun can’t let him brew up whatever thought he might be having right now. Thoughts that might make things strained or awkward between them.

So he heaves a loud sigh and throws a leg over Kihyun’s waist and clings into his arm.

“It’s all good, I’m just really tired. I’m not moving back to my bed.” He says and from the small exhale he can hear from Kihyun, he sounds relieved.

“Don’t complain if you end up on the floor, you know these beds are cramped.”

“I’ll just make you take care of me again.” He jokes, just to make sure. Kihyun chuckles but he sounds sleepy and that’s exactly what he wants.

He can deal with his crushing feelings on his own without worrying the object of his affection.


	4. Chapter 4

“I have a question.”

“I figured as much when you walked into my office and sat in front of me ten minutes ago.” Dr. Jung speaks, eyes still cast down on whatever she’s writing. “What’s bothering you?” She smiles gently, lifting her eyes and finally looking at him.

Changkyun shifts on the chair on the other side of her desk and glances around. Her office looks nice and is comfortable but he always feels like there’s someone listening or lurking around.

“Changkyun?” She speaks, her smile turning unsure when he keeps quiet. “We weren’t supposed to meet until tomorrow so I’m guessing there’s something pretty important?” She pushes and Changkyun nods.

“Is it possible to see someone’s memories without trying to?” He asks and Dr. Jung raises a brow.

“What do you mean?”

“It accidentally happened with Kihyun the other day. I wasn’t trying and suddenly I was there. And it wasn’t like I was only seeing it. It felt like I was _in it_.” He explains, hoping it makes sense.

He thought of dismissing the whole incident at first but it keeps playing in his head. The way he saw things he was never meant to. Invading on something without _wanting_ to. Something about the whole ordeal keeps an uncomfortable feeling stirring in his stomach. How he can still vividly hear Kihyun and Jooheon’s screams. How he can still feel just how distraught Minhyuk was. None of it sits well with him.

“Well I’ve never had that happen to me but,” She starts, getting up to round her desk and leaning back against it. “We’ve talked about our abilities coming from different energy sources.”

Changkyun nods, unsure where she’s going with this. “Like when I drew energy from you that one time.”

“Precisely.” She grins. “I heard that once in a while there are mutants whose energies are very...compatible. They can mesh and work in great harmony.” She explains shortly and Changkyun hums.

“Could it also explain dreams?” He questions, thinking back of his first weeks at the institute. “I used to wake up from nightmares about drowning when I got here but I don’t have any fear or trauma about water.”

“And let me guess. Kihyun does.” She finishes and Changkyun nods.

“I thought it was because I was stressed but…”

“I mean, it’s possible. With what you’re telling me and the prowess you’ve shown since coming here, I wouldn’t be surprised.” She chuckles but Changkyun frowns.

“It kind of feels like I’m intruding onto him.” He looks down but Dr. Jung lifts his chin with a gentle touch.

“Tell me if I’m wrong but It’s not just your energies that are connected, right?” She speaks and Changkyun feels warmth pooling into his face.

“Maybe.” He mumbles, not because he’s ashamed of it but because he catches himself thinking maybe this is what it feels like to have a talk with a parental figure.

“I don’t think what’s happening is a problem. If anything, it might help you work together better.” She smiles, petting his hair before moving back behind her desk. “But if you’re really worried, talk to him about it. I’m sure he’ll understand.”

“Thank you.” Changkyun says and he means it. Maybe he just needed some form of reassurance to feel better.

Changkyun drags his feet downstairs to the common area. It’s pretty quiet and his favorite comfy bench by the window is vacant so he throws himself on it. He knows taking a nap in the common hall is probably not the best idea. He knows that it will most likely result in an aching body when he wakes up but for now, he’s comfortably lying on his stomach, his arms folded under his head. He’s trained all afternoon with Hyunwoo and now the setting sun feels warm through the glass. He deserves this.

He jumps awake with a slap on his ass.

“Get up. We’re going out.”

Letting out an exaggerated groan and rolling onto his back, Changkyun blinks blearily and pushes a pout at Kihyun.

“Going where? I was asleep.” He complains, rubbing at his face. 

Kihyun regards him less than impressed. Changkyun hopes someday his pitiful expression will work on him as well as with Hoseok.

“You shouldn’t sleep here to begin with.” Kihyun starts, pulling out a thin file and slapping it against his chest. “We’re going on a last-minute mission.”

“All of us?” 

“Just us.”

Changkyun sits up, suddenly not so against the idea of leaving his little improvised nest.

“Just you and me?” He asks with faux coyness.

“That is what I just said.” Kihyun sighs. “Jaesang assigned it to me because there were changes to the situation and told me to bring along who I saw fit.” He explains slowly. Changkyun snickers because it’s obvious he’s reconsidering his choice.

Glancing outside, Changkyun realizes how dark it is and a thought pops into his head. “It’s night already. Are we going to be on a stakeout?” He asks, a Cheshire grin pulling at his mouth and Kihyun flicks his forehead.

“We are not having car sex and possibly fucking this up.” Kihyun shuts him down.

“Come on, we’ll be there for _hours_.” Changkyun whines, skimming through the file. Something about a mutant with abilities similar to Hyungwon being up to some shit again. They’ll have to be completely sure which one it is before making a move.

“Maybe I’ll just wait until Hyungwon comes back and ask him instead.” Kihyun raises a brow and Changkyun rolls off the couch and onto his feet.

“Okay, I’ll behave.” He grins, stretching his arms over his head. 

Kihyun looks him up and down. “Dress nice, it’s a club, we might have to go inside.”

“That’s a gay club.” Changkyun frowns. “I can’t believe we’re about to take down one of ours.” He sighs dramatically but when he receives no reaction, he turns his head toward the driver’s seat.

“I should’ve left you at the institute.” Kihyun sounds listless and it amuses Changkyun a little too much.

“You would’ve either been bored or arguing with Hyungwon.”

“Yeah well, at least he’d probably be helpful.” Kihyun jabs but Changkyun is confident enough now that it doesn’t affect him.

“Why not -”

“That’s him.” Kihyun cuts him off and Changkyun looks in the same direction. 

“How can you tell?” He asks because Kihyun seems pretty damn sure.

“Except if there are two guys in there with the exact same limp and same ring on their middle fingers.” He says and Changkyun hums. He had noticed someone with a limp earlier but the ring went completely unnoticed.

“What do we do now? We can’t exactly storm in there and take the dude.”

“You can’t make him come closer to us next time he comes out?” Kihyun asks but his voice sounds like he already knows the answer.

“I’d need to get much closer. It’s always more difficult when there’s a lot of people or noise around.” 

“Maybe I should go in there and talk to him. See if I can get him to come out with me.” Kihyun muses more to himself and Changkyun feels amusement bubbling in his chest.

“Are you talking about flirting with him?” He raises a brow and Kihyun mirrors his expression.

“You don’t think I can court someone?”

“I feel like you’re the cringy type. Bad pick up lines and all. Plus, you just used the word court. My point stands.” He laughs and Kihyun looks on the verge of being offended before it switches to something more pensive.

“I guess I haven’t been practicing lately.” He mutters with a nod. “You kind of make it easy for me. I only have to look at you a certain way and you’re all over me.” He grins at him, confident and smug, turning his attention back to the club.

Changkyun wishes he had a reply but he can’t even deny the statement so he sulks back in his seat instead. “What if I go in and have him come out with me?” He adds after a moment and Kihyun hums.

“You always look a little...Out of it when you control someone.” He starts and Changkyun frowns. 

“What do you mean?” He asks because it’s not like he’s ever looked at himself while focusing on someone.

Kihyun raises a brow. “You really don’t know?” He sounds genuinely surprised. “You get this very somber look on your face and your eyes darken. Literally.” He says and Changkyun blinks at him.

“So I look possessed.” He says emotionlessly and Kihyun snickers.

“Pretty much. I really thought you knew.” He’s amused and now Changkyun is going to feel self-conscious about others seeing him use his ability. 

“Just focus on catching him getting out.” He mumbles.

“I thought you were all about distracting me earlier,” Kihyun says, entirely too amused by his grumping.

It’s cut short when he promptly taps Changkyun’s leg, face serious and focused.

“He’s there.”

“He’s alone.” Changkyun adds, not spotting anyone walking next to him or even close by.

The man is walking toward a car down the street where everything is a lot quieter. Where there’s no one hanging around to smoke or catch a break from the sweaty air inside the club.

Kihyun exits their car and Changkyun follows without thinking about it much. He trusts Kihyun has something in mind.

They follow the man down a few blocks into a badly lit alley between two buildings. They’re following at a distance but Changkyun refrains himself from asking questions. He’s afraid it might alert the man, even if he’s hitching to know what Kihyun plans on doing.

Throwing an arm around his shoulders when the man nears a car, Kihyun drags him directly toward him. Changkyun feels a second of panic before he understands that Kihyun is trying to get him as close as possible while being as far away from people as possible.

“Sungmin, my man,” Kihyun calls out and Changkyun vaguely remembers the name of the man on the file he skimmed through.

Turning his head toward them, the car door halfway opened, the man frowns.

“Do I know you?” He asks, guarded, and Changkyun gets to work.

“Come on, we went to school together!” Kihyun smiles, trying to save them some time and Changkyun is thankful for it because he’s come to find out that mutants are always harder to infiltrate. Especially without being noticed.

But Changkyun is also getting better every time he does it and before long he’s got a solid hold.

“Kihyun yeah! It’s been a while.”

Changkyun can feel Kihyun glancing at him before he motions for them to get in his car and maybe it’s because he’s not used to walking while keeping a hold on someone but his focus breaks for a split second.

The man is sitting behind the wheel with Kihyun in the passenger seat and Changkyun is still next to the car, a cold drop in the pit of his stomach. Before he can throw a warning. The man is reaching for the glovebox. 

Kihyun is faster.

He knocks his hand away and opens the compartment, getting a hold of the handgun stored in there. He presses the tip against the man’s temple.

“Okay, what do you want?” Sungmin asks, slowly placing his hands on the steering wheel.

“I’m sorry, we’re just following orders.”

“So you’re with _those_ people.” Sungmin laughs bitterly. “I’m sure they’re having plenty of fun with an ability like his. It doesn’t come by too often.” He adds, looking at him and Changkyun feels a cold shiver run down his spine. “You’ll see, once you find out how they-”

The man is silenced by a bullet to the head.

Changkyun jumps and stares at Kihyun in shock when he exits the car.

“Let’s get out of here.”

“You didn’t waste any time. Weren’t you curious what he was going to say?” He asks, barely holding back a stutter.

“He was definitely buying time for some sort of backup to arrive.” He answers and Changkyun nods. It makes sense.

it’s not like they were supposed to bring him back. Their orders were to take him out.

And Changkyun isn’t sure if it’s because they were too careless. Too antsy to get back to their own car. If they forgot to check their surroundings properly. But neither he nor Kihyun spot the two men in the alley when walking back to the car.

When he does see some movement from the corner of his eye, it’s too late. He doesn’t have time to warn Kihyun.

It’s dark and the men coming at them are fucking _walls_. 

Changkyun feels the kick on the back of his legs and he falls to his knees, pain shooting through his limbs. The adrenaline bursting under his skin forces him to stand again. Everything is happening too fast and he’s used a lot of his energy earlier. He knows he has to rely on the other skills he’s learned.

“Who the fuck are you two runts?” One of the men asks, voice gruff and hateful.

Changkyun doesn’t answer as he tries to fight. Throws kicks and punches but it feels useless. The man blocks or easily absorbs them all. It feels like when they try to spar with Hyunwoo outside of the training room. He can vaguely hear Kihyun struggling with the other man and he’s hit with the grisly awareness that these two might be mutants too.

The man spins him around as if he’s a mere piece of paper, hurling him toward the cold brick wall. Changkyun’s back and head slam against the hard surface, vision blurring for a second at the impact but before he can fall to the ground, he feels thick fingers around his throat and crushing him against the wall. Changkyun can feel his palm crushing against his windpipe and pained tears spring to his eyes. He refuses to let them spill over and claws at the man’s forearm when he lifts him up and the tip of his toes barely touch the ground.

“Are you sure they’re the ones who killed him?” The other man asks. Changkyun trashes around, trying to get himself some sort of leverage. Get more than a wheezing breath inside his lungs. Blinking the bleariness away from his eyes, Changkyun can see Kihyun on the ground, struggling to break free from under the man’s foot. “Seems pretty harmless to me.” He mutters with disdain.

“They’re the only ones who came out after the gunshot. Don’t know how they managed to get that close to him but it’s them.” The one choking Changkyun confirms.

This is bad. This is really bad. Even in the low light, Changkyun can see the gun glinting in the streetlight when the other man pulls it out of his jacket and aims it toward Kihyun.

Changkyun grips onto the man’s forearm tightens, nails digging into his flesh but there’s no reaction. He can barely move. He has an idea. It’s dangerous and it possibly won’t work, but he knows he _has_ to try.

Closing his eyes for a moment, trying to clear his brain and taking in a short breath, Changkyun aims his focus on the man hovering above Kihyun.

“Don’t you fucking dare.” Kihyun snarls, voice breaking into a gasp when the man crushes his throat further with the heel of his boot.

Changkyun knows Kihyun can easily picture the idea he’s having. How he too knows it’s reckless. How he might blow up his own head if he gets the angle wrong. He knows Kihyun will be livid. Pissed at him if they make it out alive. But it’s not like he can just watch him get executed right in front of his eyes.

Using all his might and the little energy he has left, Changkyun focuses on the man, forcing him to shift his aim from Kihyun’s face to his partner still holding him captive.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” The man roars, snapping his head toward him, his hold tightening around him.

Kihyun struggles on the ground. Squirming under the man’s heavy foot and it’s making him shake. Aim oscillating between Changkyun’s head and the man in front of him.

“Stop moving!” He shouts and Kihyun freezes. He lies inert on the ground and he looks so damn helpless it sends a shiver of discomfort down Changkyun’s spine. 

With one last burst of energy, Changkyun forces the man to press the trigger. The shot is quiet considering the gun is equipped with a silencer and maybe it’s the fear of ending up with a bullet in his own face but it still rings inside of Changkyun’s ears. 

His focus and hold on the man break when he shuts his eyes tight and feels warm splatters on his face. The goon’s fingers, although weak, still wrapped around his neck when his body turns limp, almost drag him down on the ground with his weight.

It’s only then that he registers the faint burning on his ear and realizes the bullet grazed his skin before shattering into the brick wall.

“What the fuck??” The man with his finger still on the trigger shouts.

Kihyun uses the moment of distraction to knock his foot off his throat. The man stumbles and Kihyun jumps to his feet, disarming him with a practiced hit on the wrist. He takes hold of the weapon and fires straight at the man’s head.

Changkyun’s eyes shift away on instinct. No matter how many times he sees it, there’s something that will always be quite unsettling about witnessing the back of someone’s head blowing out and blood blossoming all around as their body falls to the ground.

“Let’s go. That’s too many gunshots for no one to notice.” Kihyun rasps, voice rough as he pulls out his phone and types with trembling fingers. Changkyun assumes he’s sending a message to Jaesang.

The silence is stifling back inside the car. Reaching into the glove compartment and finding some tissues, Changkyun wipes the blood from his face along with the single bead of his own blood tickling his ear.

Changkyun can see how white Kihyun’s knuckles are on the wheel, his jaw clenched.

Massaging his sore neck, Changkyun keeps his eyes trained on him. “I won’t apologize.” He says firmly, crumpling the tissues in his hand. Hoping this isn’t what Kihyun is waiting for.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Kihyun seethes, brows pinched together, briefly glancing at him before focusing back on the road.

“Oh, I don’t know. Trying to save the both of us?” He snides.

“Don’t get snarky with me.” He replies harshly and it makes a nasty feeling grow in the pit of his stomach.

“What was I supposed to do? Watch you get your head blown out?” He almost laughs at the ridiculousness of it all but the sound is ugly, fake.

“I would’ve managed.” Kihyun hisses.

“Sure didn’t look like it.” Changkyun barks out. “Both of us are in one piece. You could just say thank you.” He adds but Kihyun’s mouth falls shut, lips pressed in a thin line.

Changkyun slouches in the passenger seat with a quiet sigh when it becomes obvious that Kihyun won’t say any more. Blearily staring outside at the passing streetlights, Changkyun tries to ignore the dull throb at the back of his head and the soreness already creeping under his skin.

Back at the institute, the silence still hasn’t been broken. Changkyun follows on Kihyun’s heels, hoping that he might break and speak to him again. But he doesn’t. He sends him a look over his shoulder that almost makes him cower away. Almost.

They also bump into Hyunwoo in the hallways toward the dorms.

“Hey, how did it go? You guys are back earlier than expected.” He smiles, voice quieting with each word, obviously taking in their state.

“It went fine.” Kihyun clips before escaping toward their room and Changkyun is left with Hyunwoo’s inquiring look.

“It’s okay. He just got overprotective again.” He speaks but Hyunwoo frowns at him.

“You did something without thinking again.” He assumes and Changkyun sighs.

“Can’t it just be appreciated that we both came with only minor injuries?” He says,

Hyunwoo’s frown deepens. “Changkyun, how bad was it out there?”

“I’m tired. Can you just drop it?” 

Changkyun knows he’ll most likely feel bad for speaking like that to him later but for now, he truly doesn’t feel like getting lectured on top of being ignored.

“Be careful.” Hyunwoo insists quietly and Changkyun kind of feels like an asshole for simply giving him a smile and no words of reassurance before he walks off.

When he walks into their room, he can hear the muted sound of the shower running behind closed doors and he spots Kihyun’s discarded clothes hanging on the headboard of his bed.

Changkyun does the same, peeling his dirtied shirt from his body and throwing away the restrictive protective vest underneath. He drops into the chair at the desk by the window, spotting all the little scratches and bruises on his arms and legs. 

Fixing his eyes on the dark scenery outside, waiting quietly until Kihyun comes out of the bathroom, Changkyun feels hurt slowly fester in the pit of his stomach. Kihyun barely spares him a glance when walking up to him and grabbing his glasses from one of the drawers on the side of the desk.

“Go shower, that alley was disgusting.” He speaks almost mechanically. 

Changkyun stands, refusing to let things stay this way before they go to sleep. Wrapping his arms around Kihyun’s waist before he can walk away, Changkyun rests his chin on the top of his shoulder.

“Don’t touch me.” Kihyun tenses and Changkyun swallows, arms falling back by his sides, a mixture of hurt and annoyance brewing in his chest.

“How long are you going to act all pissed?” He asks and Kihyun turns to face him.

“I’m not _acting_ pissed Changkyun. I’m tired.” He starts and Changkyun already feels like he’s being scolded. “You always do whatever you want. You push and push and then you pass out. You hurt yourself without thinking. I can’t heal a fucking bullet to the head.” He spits the last words. Hand reaching out and grasping his chin between his thumb and index, Kihyun turns his head to look at his ear but Changkyun jerks his head back from the grip.

“But I’m _fine_. It worked out!” Changkyun presses, feeling as if he keeps repeating himself.

“This time it did. How long before it doesn’t?” He asks a question Changkyun wasn’t expecting. A question he obviously can’t answer for.

“You’re not being fair. You know what we do is dangerous.” He tries to defend. “You can’t always be in control. You have to let others help you sometimes.” He frowns, voicing a thought that’s been nagging him for a while.

Kihyun’s expression hardens, the lines of his face harsh. “It’s not what this is about.”

“Are you sure? Because you seem really fucking hung up on this even when we’re both here, unscathed.” Changkyun gestures between them as if proving his point. He can see some faint purplish bruises marring Kihyun’s neck but nothing he can’t fix in a minute.

“Stop. You don’t see it. I don’t _want_ to deal with this shit. Accidents can happen. I _know_ that. And I know I feel better when I can stay in control but I know when to yield. What I can’t do is tolerate carelessness. I’ve got enough recklessness with Minhyuk. I don’t need to be constantly stressed about you.” He speaks with finality.

And Changkyun thinks he might get it. He thinks back of the stories he’s heard about Minhyuk. The number of times he’s put his complete faith into Kihyun before doing something completely thoughtless and hazardous. How much it all weighs on Kihyun’s shoulders. How scared he feels when things are completely out of his control.

“I don’t regret what I did tonight.” Changkyun starts and Kihyun frowns but he holds his tongue. “I know you want me to apologize but I would do the same thing again if I needed to.” He insists, not wanting to lie only to appease him.

Kihyun slowly shakes his head and retreats to his bed. “Wash up and get some sleep.” He mutters.

Changkyun swallows back the bitterness in his throat, hating the feeling of having Kihyun disappointed with him, but he can’t bring himself to speak anymore. He’s afraid of making things worse.

Opting for a brief shower, Changkyun silently slips into his own bed after throwing a glance at Kihyun. He seems to be asleep already, facing the wall away from him.

Willing the uneasiness away, Changkyun falls into a restless sleep for a few hours and when he wakes up again, the brightness in the room a clear indicator that they forgot to close the blinds, Kihyun is already gone, his bed empty and made.

Changkyun groans in displeasure when he can’t fall back asleep despite the fatigue still clinging to his limbs.

Deciding that his sleep clothes are decent enough, Changkyun heads down to the common room. He’s not quite sure if he hopes to find Kihyun there or not.

Who he ends up finding is Hyungwon. Offering him a tired smile, Changkyun drops next to him, letting his head fall on his shoulder.

“Where’s everyone?” He asks, voice still scratchy from sleep and throat sore, eyes lazily skimming over the papers in Hyungwon’s hands.

“Minhyuk and Hoseok just left, Hyunwoo is with Jia and Kihyun dragged Jooheon to train with him a while ago,” Hyungwon explains.

Changkyun hums, unaware of the frown pulling at his face until Hyungwon presses a finger between his brows.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on with you two?”

“What are you talking about?” Changkyun mutters and Hyungwon looks more than unimpressed.

“Don’t even try. My specialty is observing people so I can impersonate them to perfection. Kihyun came here with his face all pinched and forced Jooheon to go with him.” Hyungwon throws back.

“What’s that got to do with me? He’s always pinchy.” He tries to joke but Hyungwon pushes at his forehead to move his head from his shoulder and look at him.

“You two always come down together except if one of you is out on a mission. And I know you both were out last night. You also have that kicked puppy look going on.” He adds for good measure and Changkyun groans, pushing his head back against Hyungwon’s shoulder and holding onto his arm.

“He’s pissed at me because I might have put myself in danger to help him.” He starts briefly, relaying the events to him and Hyungwon listens patiently, letting him play with his fingers as a distraction. “I don’t get it. I know he’s got his convictions and his pride but he’s always so lenient and ready to compromise. But he’s completely shutting me out now.”

“He’s not really like that with us. Maybe you pushed a little too far this time?” Hyungwon offers softly and Changkyun frowns because it sounds like what Kihyun said to him the previous night. “You know he loves you a lot right?” He adds and Changkyun knows the way Hyungwon means it. Means it the way they all love and care for each other. But it still makes his heart clench.

“So what, he loves all of us.”

“You know it’s not the same with you. He’s been fond and protective of you since you were brought to us. And it’s not like we don’t know what’s going on between you two.” He sighs and Changkyun flicks his side.

“That has nothing to do with this.” He grumbles and Hyungwon chuckles.

“It kind of does. Accept it or not, you’re special to him Changkyun. And you know how he is. He always puts others before him. That’s just the kind of person he is. So I can understand from his point of view how it might seem like you ignored this part of him and endangered yourself to help him.” He explains and Changkyun hears him. He can see how it could make sense.

He still hates it.

“So what? I was supposed to let him get shot?”

“That’s not what I’m saying. Considering both of you are here, I’m glad you did what you did.” Hyungwon squeezes his hand. “But Kihyun obviously doesn’t see it that way. You know about the orphanage…He’s seen and cared for a lot of people that came and went. Think of it as he doesn’t want you to end up like that too. Someone who just had a short passage in his life.” He shrugs.

“Now you’re just speculating.” Changkyun pinches his arm. “But thank you.” He adds honestly, feeling like being offered a different point of view might have helped him.

“You should talk to him.” Hyungwon encourages.

“Not yet. I think maybe I should wait until he approaches me first.” He sighs and Hyungwon hums.

“Want to see something cool?” He asks out of the blue, putting aside the papers in his hand and Changkyun pulls his head back to look at him.

“Sure?”

Freeing his other hand from his, Hyungwon lazily opens his palm and stares at it intently. Changkyun’s eyes shift between his hand and his face in confusion.

“What are you doing?” He whispers and Hyungwon shushes him.

“Give me a second.” He mutters.

It does in fact take about ten seconds before a meager orange fire sparks in the palm of his hand. Changkyun gapes at the struggling dancing flame before it extinguishes itself with an even weaker line of smoke.

“What..?” Changkyun finds himself speaking dumbly.

“I’ve been working on being able to retain someone’s appearances after only touching them once and through that I found out that I don’t only assimilate their outer appearances but also a glimpse of their DNA makeup.” He explains, creating another spark between his fingers. “I’ve been training with this one guy who controls fire for a while.” 

“I want to call betrayal about you training with other people but,” Changkyun trails off and Hyungwon grins.

“I don’t think I could ever get to actually _use_ someone else’s ability but it’s pretty cool, right?” He laughs and Changkyun nods.

“And I thought I was the strange one.”

Changkyun spends the day not doing much. He feels slightly guilty for not going up to Kihyun to try to fix things when he sees Jooheon around dinner time, looking sweaty and like he had his ass thoroughly handed to him.

Kihyun is nowhere to be seen and Jooheon bitterly mutters something about him having already headed back to their room to shower. 

Grabbing a plate and filling it up with food, Changkyun heads back to their room. There’s a small part of him that almost wishes for Kihyun to not be there because he hates confrontations. But it bothers him more that he’s not speaking to him.

Turns out Kihyun is sitting on his bed, back against the headboard, phone in his hand.

Changkyun offers him a weak smile when he looks up at him through his still damp fringe.

“Peace offering?” Changkyun says, lifting the food but Kihyun only grants him a short nod.

“Thanks. You can leave it on the desk, I’ll eat later.” He mutters.

Changkyun does as he’s told. He drops the food on the desk, the plate clanking loudly against the wood but instead of leaving like Kihyun’s silence is indicating he should, Changkyun climbs on his bed, throws a leg over Kihyun’s waist, and sits himself on his lap.

Snatching Kihyun’s phone from his hand, Changkyun chucks it on the mattress beside them. Kihyun doesn’t look shocked or angered by his actions. He looks guarded but he stares back at him and Changkyun masks his momentary faltering with a frown.

“Are you really just going to ignore me until I beg for forgiveness or something?” He speaks and he doesn’t mean for his words to come out this harsh but one of the things he hates the most is feeling like he’s being tossed aside.

Kihyun pushes his glasses off and rubs at his eyes with a sigh before looking back at him again. Changkyun doesn’t know what to make of the look he’s giving him. It’s like Kihyun himself doesn’t know what he’s feeling. Or _why_ he’s feeling it.

“It’s not really about you apologizing.” Kihyun starts with a frown as if weighing his next words. “When it comes to you...” He trails off, hands moving to hold onto his hips and Changkyun holds onto them in case it’s some sort of ruse to push him off. “I want to be selfish.” Kihyun finishes.

Changkyun freezes. A big part of him was expecting Kihyun to deny things or straight up just...not talk to him. So this is truly the last thing he expected to hear.

“You know, It’s scary. When we’re in the middle of fighting, I don’t have any ability to fall back onto. I have to lean on the other skills I’ve been learning.” He speaks. Changkyun knows that. He knows this is the main reason why Kihyun works so hard on everything he can. Always trying to be better, stronger.

Changkyun rubs the back of his hands with his thumbs and waits patiently for him to continue.

“And I wish you’d go along with what I want because, in my head, it’s what would keep you safe the most. I hate it. Deep down I know you did the right thing last night. I know that you can rely on things I can’t even try to comprehend because your brain works completely differently than mine. I _know_ all that but I still hate the feeling it gives me.” He explains.

Changkyun isn’t sure how to feel. A wishful part of him hopes this means Kihyun might share the same feelings as he does for him. A more reasonable part of him tells him that he’s just afraid to lose more than he’s already lost.

“And your solution to that was to ignore me?” He questions but there’s no reproach in his voice. 

“For a little bit, yeah.” He admits with a short laugh. “I wanted to give myself time to try and fix my own thoughts but someone’s kind of stubborn.” He adds, squeezing his hips and Changkyun fights back the smile threatening to break on his face.

“You could’ve just said that you know.”

“I’ll remember that.”

Kihyun frees his hands from his grip and sits up a bit more, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on his chest. Changkyun feels his heart soar.

“Are we done with the feelsy talk? Because I’m kind of sitting on your dick and I’ve been thinking of getting on that since before we left yesterday.” He speaks and maybe it’s the truth but also maybe because it’s easier than thinking of his own feelings. “And before you say anything, yes I was serious about the car sex. But _someone_ put a damper on that.”

Kihyun looks incredulous. “Changkyun.” He warns.

“You know deflecting is my defense mechanism.” He says but Kihyun doesn’t waver. “Too soon?” He adds, knowing he’s being a little shit. Still, Kihyun eventually gives in.

“Just get to it.”

“Yes sir.”

Kihyun looks like he’s considering pushing him off his lap.

“I’m not moving. You do all the work.” He retaliates.

“You say that as if it’s something I don’t enjoy.” He chuckles because while he does love being manhandled, he’s also very much up for Kihyun handing him the reins once in a while.

Changkyun presses a palm on Kihyun’s chest to have him lie down again and he leans in close, leaving kisses against his neck, focusing on that soft spot below his ear that always makes him sound so pretty. Letting his hands push his shirt up, Changkyun loves how smooth and warm his skin feels.

Changkyun rolls his hips slowly and Kihyun hums, obviously appreciative, his hands squeezing faintly at his thighs. And maybe Changkyun feels a hint of pride in his chest and a flick of heat in his tummy at how fast he can feel Kihyun harden against his ass but just as he’s about to lift Kihyun’s hands from his legs to take his shirt off completely, Changkyun startles at his phone going off in his pocket.

A distinct alert when he needs to meet up with Jaesang or Dr. Jung.

Kihyun reaches into his pocket for him and pulls out his phone. “Jaesang wants to see you now with Jooheon and Minhyuk.” He says and it’s evident he’s holding back a laugh.

There’s a moment of silence.

“Someone up there doesn’t want me to get laid.” He complains, resting his body against Kihyun, head pillowed on his chest.

“Good luck dealing with those two. They can really make your head spin.” He says, petting the back of his head.

“What if I tell him I lost my phone?”

“Changkyun.” Kihyun chuckles. “If you think they’re not tracking us and knowing exactly where our phones are.”

“I know.” He sighs, pushing himself up in resignation.

“I kind of feel bad I asked you to work with me last night.” Kihyun starts but Changkyun waves him off.

“I’m glad I was there.” He says and Kihyun looks at him in that way that says he knows just how much he means those words.

“I’ll make it up to you later.” Kihyun smiles.

Changkyun snorts, making it obvious that he’s looking at the bulge in his pants.

“Don’t talk like you’re only doing me a favor.” 

“I never said that.” Kihyun raises a brow, pushing a hand under his head, his shirt still pushed up to his torso, and gives him that sly look he uses when he knows just how much he’s affecting him.

It definitely works and Changkyun is _definitely_ too whipped for his own good.

“And you say _I’m_ the horrible one.” He grumbles, briefly considering saying, fuck it, and jumping back in bed with him.

“Go, before Minhyuk barges in here or something.”

Changkyun pushes a pout before heaving a loud sigh when it clearly has no effect on Kihyun. “Fine.”

  
  


It’s late. Middle of the night kind of late and Changkyun is tired. The sort of tired that hits you hard and seeps all the way into your bones. 

It was already kind of late when he sat down with Jaesang to get briefed along with Minhyuk and Jooheon and they spent hours trying to track down a mutant but she’s proven to be quite elusive. His head still feels like it’s buzzing. He had no idea two people could talk back and forth about meaningless things so much. He only needed to say a few words for them to go off on a tangent.

Thinking of the usual quietness of his dorm room, Contrary to how he felt earlier, Changkyun looks forward to just slipping into his bed and getting some rest. Maybe quietly slide in next to Kihyun if he’s feeling bold enough.

To his surprise, the light is still on and there’s music playing when he pushes the door open. It’s not loud but it’s different since Kihyun usually wears headphones to listen to music.

“Hey, why are you still up?”

Kihyun throws him a smile and a welcome back before he goes back to what he was doing. “I was waiting for you.”

Changkyun realizes he’s cleaning and maybe he’s a little biased but suddenly it doesn’t bother him too much to not have complete quietness. There’s something familiar and comfortable about it all. And the fact that Kihyun _waited_ for him makes a warm feeling spread into his chest.

“How did it go?” Kihyun curiously asks and Changkyun groans, moving closer to give him a hand.

“We literally don’t have anything more than what we started with.” He says and he knows he shouldn’t feel too dejected. It’s not like things can always be handed to them but he definitely feels like he could’ve spent his evening more productively. “Also I’m sorry I didn’t take your words seriously when you wish me luck working together with Minhyuk and Jooheon.” He adds and Kihyun laughs.

Changkyun internally cringes at his own thoughts for thinking about how much weight this is all lifting from his shoulder. Being here. Doing something as mundane as cleaning together.

“It’s okay I’ve got years of practice and they still give me headaches sometimes when they get into a certain mood.” He chuckles, reaching for his phone when it changes to a slow, pretty song.

Changkyun reaches for his wrist first.

“Dance with me.” He grins, albeit tiredly, out of the blue.

Kihyun raises a brow. “What?”

“I’ve been stressed the whole day. Dance with me.” He repeats as if it’s a thing they _do_ , holding his arms open. Kihyun’s eyes shift to them before going back to his face.

“I’ve been cleaning since earlier, I’m all gross.”

“Bro I’ve sucked your dick right after a mission once, a little sweat doesn’t bother me.” 

“Please don’t call me bro, you call Jooheon that.”

Changkyun holds back a smile. “Sorry, I spent the day with him. But I’ve also been sitting in the heat all evening, I’m a little gross too. Don’t leave me hanging like that.” He insists, flapping his own arms a little for emphasis.

Kihyun chuckles in what Changkyun can only assume to be disbelief but he still moves into his space, wrapping an arm around his waist and Changkyun lets his own arm drop over his shoulders, clasping their other hands together.

Changkyun is amused. They’re slow dancing. A little clumsily. But still, slow dancing in the middle of their dorm room to music playing quietly from a phone and there’s some sort of pride in knowing that there probably aren’t many people that can get Kihyun to do something like this so easily.

“This is ridiculous.” Kihyun voices after a moment but he’s making no move to step back so Changkyun gives him that grin that makes his dimples look deeper.

“I don’t care. It feels nice to do something silly once in a while.” He says, kind of hoping the song is a long one or that there will be a second slow song playing right after.

“Is this some sort of blackmail?” 

“I don’t think you’ve done anything that requires blackmail yet but it’s good to always be prepared.” He muses and Kihyun snorts, mouth twitching up, eyes filled with mirth.

“You’ve got a point.” He muses.

“Spin me around.” Changkyun requests, pulling on his arm because it always looks kind of cool and smooth when he sees people doing it.

But instead, they end up a little more tangled up, laughing, because Changkyun almost trips over his own feet and clings onto Kihyun’s arm to steady himself with a surprised yelp.

And instead of going back to holding onto each other the same way, Changkyun wraps both his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders. It brings them that much closer. And maybe Changkyun isn’t laughing as much. He can feel the heat of their chests pressed together. Can see the soft fondness in Kihyun’s eyes. In the way he seems to be taking in every single one of his features. The way his arms are loose but sure around his waist, his hands gentle but firm enough that he doesn’t feel ticklish. Changkyun’s heart feels as light as it feels tight and ready to burst through his chest.

And maybe it’s in the furtive way Kihyun’s eyes travel between his eyes and his mouth that makes Changkyun bolder. That makes him bridge the gap between them and kiss him.

Just like him, Kihyun falls into it easily. He follows that same slow rhythm from the music. Changkyun can feel heat licking at his stomach. A steady increase like a tide slowly coming in. Kihyun’s hands come up from his waist to hold onto his face.

He cradles Changkyun’s cheeks between his palms as if he would break if he were to not handle him with utmost care.

Changkyun’s chest tightens and he feels a sort of desperation clashing with the soft calmness inside of him. He wants to deepen the kiss. He wants to render Kihyun breathless and looking at him like he wants to consume all of him. But he also wants to keep things where they are. Soft presses of lips, quiet breaths, and curious touches.

It feels like there’s a storm raging inside of him and Changkyun quickly figures out where it’s coming from.

Pulling back to catch more than a shaky inhale, Changkyun keeps his eyes closed for a moment. Basking in the feeling of his heated cheeks. The feeling of their breathing, in tandem and steady. The dull tingling on his lower lip where Kihyun had sucked on. The almost too full feeling in his heart.

But then he lets his eyes flutter open and Kihyun is right there with him, just a breath away, gaze so full of warmth and openness Changkyun can’t really do anything but let out the words crawling up his throat.

“I really like you, you know,” Changkyun speaks, the words leaving him in an honest whisper.

If he’s being truthful, Changkyun had no intention to put his feelings out there. Ever. What they have is simple and good and the thought of potentially ruining it with something as trivial as feelings has always left a bit of a bitter taste in his mouth. 

But here, now, it seemed so easy and almost like it was expected.

Kihyun doesn’t flinch away from him, he doesn’t avoid his eyes. He actually seems to look right into the deepest part of him.

But something still changes. Something solemn.

“Changkyun…”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He cuts him off gently, realizing that, somehow, they’re still slowly swaying. His arms still around Kihyun’s shoulders, his fingers petting the back of his hair. “I know what we are. I know what this is. What it’s always been.” He reassures and his lips still feel warm from the kiss and he kind of really wants to dive back into him.

“We should talk about it. We never really did.” Kihyun starts. “Maybe we should stop this before it gets worse.” He offers and Changkyun masks the slight panic he feels with a chuckle.

“Joke’s on you the feelings were there before the sex.” He grins. Kihyun frowns harder.

“Can you be serious for a moment?” 

Kihyun moves away from him and suddenly Changkyun feels that much more exposed.

“Sorry, you know I don’t do well with the whole serious talk thing.” He sighs “But listen,” Changkyun steps back into Kihyun’s space and while he is more guarded than before, he still lets him so Changkyun considers it a win. “I just needed to say it. I don’t expect anything.”

Kihyun stares at him for a long moment, a barely noticeable frown still creasing the space between his eyebrows. Almost like he’s trying to figure out if Changkyun is being honest. Which he is.

He’s known he likes Kihyun for a long time. Made a futile attempt or two at trying to deny it to himself but still. It’s been there. 

“Are you sure it’s okay?” Kihyun asks and Changkyun expects as much. He’s aware that Kihyun feels differently about him than he does with the others but he still never thought he’d get some sort of grand confession. Still, those words cement the fact that his feelings are in fact one-sided.

So Changkyun pushes a smile and lets the tip of his fingers slide from Kihyun’s hair to his jaw to bring him into another kiss.

“I just like having you like this.” He says. And when he thinks about it, it’s not like it would change a whole lot. It’s not like they could plan some sort of thought out future or go on romantic getaways. They’d still work together. They’d still sleep together.

Changkyun tells himself it’s really not a big deal. But he can’t quite keep his heart from hurting at least a tiny bit.4

  
  
  


Things are...Slightly tense. To put it simply.

Kihyun isn’t being an asshole or inconsiderate but it’s obvious that Changkyun’s confession made him take a step back. He doesn’t touch him anymore the way he used to and he seems to try and think things through when speaking to him. He’s being careful of everything. Changkyun hates it. He’s not acting any differently and he thought Kihyun could do the same but it makes him feel like maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut.

Kihyun eventually comes around and tells him he needs some time to feel okay with himself about going back to _their_ normal and Changkyun told him he was fine with that.

But it’s been days.

And, at this point, he wouldn’t even mind if Kihyun told him he didn’t want to sleep with him anymore. As long as he stops treating him like a stranger. Like they’re only working together and nothing more.

Even now, they’re out on a mission. They’re in a pretty secluded area and Kihyun is just keeping his distance from him.

They’ve tied up the three mutants they need to bring back and usually, they’d joke around easily but now it feels wrong and out of place to do so.

And maybe he’s too distracted and _maybe_ that’s why Changkyun doesn’t know how the next following seconds happen. He’s not even entirely sure _what_ happens. He knows the place is badly lit and there are lots of corners to hide but,

He thought he and Kihyun had everyone accounted for.

The two mutants controlling fire and the one with perfect stealth using his talent to commit scaled robberies.

They weren’t aware there was someone else with them.

Until he hears Kihyun shout his name and harshly meets with the ground when he shoves him out of the way. A spear of ice goes right through Kihyun. There’s dust and it’s definitely too dark and Changkyun can’t see well enough. Can’t be too sure if he’s hit in the chest or shoulder. But there’s a pained scream and sees blood painting the wall behind him, body crumbling to the ground.

Changkyun sees red.

A rage he’s only felt once before fills his body and his mind takes control over everything. He looks toward the man as he gets back up and without moving a finger, he directs all the energy he has bursting through every fiber of him, all of the emotions he can gather and expel it in his direction.

The mutant goes flying high in the air before smashing down to the ground with brute force. The sound of breaking bones and a last wheezing breath leaving his body echoing against the walls.

Snapping his head toward the other mutants cuffed, Changkyun marches toward them with a single purpose in mind. They’re all responsible for this. He needs to eliminate them. He doesn’t care how terrified they look. How he’s not supposed to kill them. The fury swimming inside of him burning brighter than his rationality.

He never thought he could be filled with so much raw energy again right after expelling it seconds prior but he can feel it vibrating inside of him, shaking to be let out. Wrath fueling him in a way unparalleled to what he knows.

He doesn’t even realize he’s discharging every ounce of power inside of him before he hears the sickening sounds of tearing flesh and shattering bones. Horrified screams fill his ears as one of the mutants with pyrokinesis is ripped in two right in front of his eyes.

Blood and guts spill everywhere. There’s a nagging thought at the back of his mind that this is _wrong_. That he shouldn’t be doing this. But his rationality is completely clouded with wrath.

Just as he’s about to tear through the remaining two men squirming away from him on the ground, an image flashes inside of his head. Bright and clear. That one time him and Kihyun went out and saw the lights during the winter.

It disappears just as fast as it had appeared.

“Changkyun!” 

The cry is hoarse but loud and piercing as can be and Changkyun’s trance-like state splinters. He falls to his knees for a moment before scrambling up again and spotting Kihyun propped against a wall.

“We had to bring them alive.” He reminds him of their mission, struggling to speak.

Changkyun rushes toward him, dropping on the ground with a cloud of dust and dirt lifting at the impact. Trying to inspect his wound, he can’t see where he’s hit with all the clothes and protective vest he’s wearing and it’s making him more scared. Dirt stings at his eyes and dust cling inside his lungs but his restlessness is stronger.

“It’s only my shoulder, don’t worry.” Kihyun breathes out but Changkyun can’t calm down.

“Fuck, what do I do?” He asks, feeling panic rising in his chest as he applies pressure, seeing blood still gushing through Kihyun’s clothes quite heavily and painting his hands crimson.

“Just keep your hand here.” He says with difficulty, face scrunching up in pain when he crushes Changkyun’s hand against his wound.

“Why don’t you heal yourself?” He frets, dread growing even more at how white and sickly his skin is turning. Lips pale and eyes glazed over.

“This would be a piece of cake if it were someone else but…” He trails off with a cough, blood coming up on his lips and Changkyun’s heart drops.

That wouldn’t happen if he was only hit in the shoulder.

“Ki fuck, don’t do this to me. You have to do _something_.” He rasps, his entire body shaking as he tries to hold the right amount of pressure. 

“I can’t heal myself.” He speaks, words quiet and Changkyun sucks in a sharp breath, blinking back tears and trying to think of something.

He comes up blank and feeling useless.

“What do you mean? That’s your _thing_!” He wants to scream.

“I need a lot of energy to heal something like this. Especially on myself. I’m losing too much blood and I feel weak.” He explains, speech starting to sound too slow and mushed. “I’ve already sent an s.o.s to Hyunwoo.”

“They’re going to take too long to get here.” Changkyun pushes, taking a hand away from the wound to grab onto Kihyun’s face when his head lols to the side. “You stay with me!” He cries, tapping his cheek shakily, smearing red on his skin, and Kihyun sucks in a short rattling breath. 

“Just stay here with me, yeah?” Kihyun requests, giving a small smile that makes tears finally break through Changkyun’s will.

“ _Fuck that_ . I’m not letting you die without doing anything.” He snaps, voice breaking, about to rub at his face but quickly realizes that they’re _covered_ with blood.

Kihyun frowns at him.

“What?”

“I’ll give you my energy.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“Let me just try!” He yells, grabbing onto Kihyun’s hands. “If I can transfer energy to send someone flying twenty feet in the air or rip them in half, I can transfer some to you.” He explains but Kihyun’s frown doesn’t go away.

“I’ve never tried using someone else’s energy. I don’t know if it’s possible. Have you tried anything like that before?” 

Changkyun stares back and swallows thickly, squeezing Kihyun’s hands. “No.”

Kihyun huffs a humorless laugh. “Give it your best shot then.” He speaks, face screwing up in pain as another wet cough fights its way out of his lungs, and Changkyun shuffles to kneel closer to him.

He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to focus on. The two times he’s used that kind of energy, it had been out of pure rage and fear. He’s not sure how he’s supposed to use it gently. He’s afraid of being too intense and worsening the situation.

But at the same time, if he does nothing, Kihyun won’t make it back to the institute.

“Tell me if I’m hurting you or if something doesn’t feel right.”

Kihyun nods weakly, the grip on his hand going a little slack and Changkyun hones in on the fear he feels. How terrified he is of losing someone so important to him and draws that energy all the way to the tips of his fingers. Trying to let it go through him and pass to Kihyun in a slow flow.

He didn’t think it could hurt so much to hold back energy wanting to burst out of him all at once.

Squeezing his eyes shut, Changkyun unconsciously feels himself being pulled into Kihyun’s head. It’s dizzying and he feels like he’s on the verge of passing out.

“I can feel you.” Kihyun groans, the experience clearly just as uncomfortable for him.

“Can you use it?” He speaks, forcing his eyes open and looking at the way Kihyun is focusing, his skin just as papery white as before.

“I think so, give me a moment.”

Changkyun keeps quiet. He hopes he’s going to be able to hold on long enough. He feels like his mind is about to give up on him and his hands are trembling like crazy but he can feel heat starting to radiate from Kihyun’s otherwise cold and clammy skin and he knows.

He knows Kihyun is trying.

“You’re bleeding.” Kihyun gasps and Changkyun shakes his head, feeling the slow trickle coming from his nose.

“Not as much as you.”

Forcing him to keep going, Changkyun ignores the way his head is throbbing more with each passing second.

Refusing to let go of Kihyun’s hands just yet in case it breaks the connection, Changkyun wipes his face on his shoulder when blood leaks down onto his lips and he looks back toward him “I’m okay but please tell me it’s working.” He grunts when a particularly strong wave of lightheadedness hits him.

“I’m almost done.” He declares and Changkyun nods, letting his head drop forward and forcing himself to push through.

Changkyun can feel Kihyun’s mind clear up. The signals he feels are getting stronger and right before he tries to pull out because it might start to feel invasive, Changkyun is hit with the same image as before. The short glimpse of him. Of them.

And just like earlier, it’s gone as soon as it flashes.

Everything suddenly turns to static. deafening and quiet at the same time.

Changkyun chances a glance up and his heart stutters when he sees Kihyun’s head tilted to the side, eyes closed and his grip completely lax on his hands. 

“Kihyun..?” He whispers, voice thick and getting stuck in his throat.

Not feeling his energy passing through anymore, Changkyun lets go of his hands and reaches up to cup his face, head moving limply.

“No, no, come _on_ Ki, you were doing great.” He frets, hands frantic and insides twisting uncomfortably with worry. “You can’t abandon me, you can’t leave like that you promised to come back around to me.” He pleads, chest tight and fingers trembling. “I love you, please don’t do this.”

Touching at his neck, Changkyun tries to hold his shaking breath so he can feel the smallest sign of life.

He does. He can feel his pulse. Maybe a little weak but very much there and he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Pulling at Kihyun’s clothes, Changkyun rips the neck of his shirt to have access to where he’s injured.

Only to find nothing.

“You fucker.” He breathes loudly, pressing quick pecks all over his dirtied face, fingers clutching at his shirt and relief crashing over him like a wave as he lets his forehead rest on top of Kihyun’s shoulder. 

He probably only burned himself out, healing such a big wound in such a short time.

Changkyun stays unmoving for a while, letting remnants of adrenaline thrum through his body. Trying to regain some semblance of composure when he hears a car drive up close to the warehouse. He hopes with everything he has that it’s Hyunwoo because he knows they’re both dead if it’s the criminal’s backups.

The way one of the doors is literally ripped open, pulled from its hinges confirms his thoughts and Changkyun breathes a tad better.

Hyunwoo hurries toward them, looking more than a little frazzled.

“What the _fuck_ happened?” He asks, brows furrowed with worry as he crouches next to them and Changkyun groans.

“A lot.” He answers vaguely. “We’re okay, I think. Just some rest needed.” He huffs and Hyunwoo takes in their surroundings, gaze halting on the dead bodies, mangled, some feet away.

“Let me get him in the car,” Hyunwoo says being careful to grab onto Kihyun and lifting him as if he weighs nothing.

Changkyun waits, eyes moving over the gruesome scene and he swallows thickly when Hyunwoo walks back to him.

“What about the three we had to keep alive and the one fucker we didn’t know about?” Changkyun asks quietly.

“There’s another team on the way with the transport van. When Kihyun sent the s.o.s, I told Jaesang and he got people ready but I couldn’t just sit and wait around for them.” He admits and Changkyun feels a weak smile pull at his face.

Pushing himself off the ground, Changkyun curses under his breath when his legs give out and he falls back down.

“Hey, take it easy, you okay?” Hyunwoo comes to him, grabbing his arm and wrapping it around his shoulders to pull him to his feet.

“Yeah, I helped Kihyun heal himself. I think it took a little out of me.” He gives a short laugh and Hyunwoo’s frown deepens but he doesn’t press for answers.

Changkyun likes that about him.

After waiting for the other team to show up, Changkyun opts for sitting in the back with Kihyun in case his condition goes south.

“Are you sure we shouldn’t be going to a hospital?” Hyunwoo asks after a few minutes of driving in silence.

“It’s okay.”

Changkyun’s head snaps back to the side when Kihyun speaks softly.

Moving on impulse, Changkyun holds his face and his chest feels tight at the tired yet calm look he’s given.

“You scared the _fuck_ out of me.” 

“I’m sorry.” Kihyun smiles and Changkyun isn’t sure if he wants to kiss him or punch him.

“What should I tell the others? They were all sleeping when you called.” Hyunwoo speaks, glancing at them through the rearview mirror.

Changkyun glances back at Kihyun and he feels like they silently agree.

They don’t have to know how bad it was.

“Let’s just say we needed backup. No need to worry them for nothing.” Changkyun wants to argue that it wouldn’t be over nothing. That the threat their new occupation poses is very real.

But he knows what he means and he finds himself bleakly agreeing.

The rest of the ride back to the institute is completely silent. Kihyun swims between sleep and consciousness and Changkyun is made very aware of just how much his head is hurting.

It’s been a while since it’s been that bad. 

Once they’re back at the facility, Hyunwoo promises to go over to Jaesang and tell him they were ambushed with one more mutant than they thought there would be without mentioning how _bad_ it got.

He parts ways with them with one last look and Changkyun knows he’s worried and he knows he probably feels pressure on his shoulders to keep them safe. To act as their leader. But he can’t look over all of them constantly.

Changkyun wishes he could see that.

Once the door to their room closes, there’s a moment of silence, a heaviness in his chest and Changkyun feels like he’s finally being hit with the realization of what actually just happened.

The severity of it all.

Looking down at his hands, he can see all the dried up blood. It makes his head spin.

Everything starts crashing inside his head. How they clearly weren’t thoroughly briefed on their mission. How it could have had a much worse ending. How he cold-bloodedly killed two men in a blind rage and went against orders. How he doesn’t regret it. How he _wanted_ to. How that blood on his hand doesn’t belong to someone they fought but Kihyun.

“Hey…” Kihyun comes up behind him, sliding a hand down his back. “You holding up?”

Feeling any word of useless reassurance die in his throat, Changkyun almost sluggishly spins, gaze locked onto Kihyun’s curious face and he feels a sudden burning at the back of his eyes. Ignoring the past few days and taking an unsteady step forward, Changkyun slides his arms around Kihyun’s shoulders, crumbling in his arms as he crushes him tightly against his body.

“You almost fucking _died_ . Taking a hit that was coming at _me._ ” Voice shaky and fat tears freely rolling down his cheeks, Changkyun tries to control himself, tries to hold back the sobs from wracking through his body but he can just feel himself breaking down.

Kihyun picks up his arms and holds him just as tightly, “It’s okay, I’m okay.” He reassures, voices soft and quiet against his ear.

“I have your blood all over my hands- _fuck_ \- you’re _covered_ with it. I thought I would lose you.” He insists, words tumbling out of his mouth and speech jarred with hiccups.

“Hey, look at me.” Kihyun tries, pushing away only so he can look at his face. “I’m okay, Baby. I’m here, I’m with you.” He comforts and it barely registers in the back of Changkyun’s mind, but it does, and it makes a fresh load of tears spill over.

“I was _so_ terrified.” He admits and he knows it’s obvious but voicing it feels somehow that much more personal.

Grabbing one of his hands from around his shoulders, Kihyun slides it down to the left side of his chest, where his shirt is ripped and Changkyun’s eyes follow their hands, sucking in a small but sharp breath when he feels a steady heartbeat.

Cupping his face, Kihyun forces him to look back into his eyes but he keeps his hand on his chest. “I’m alive.” He whispers, brushing tears away with his thumbs and Changkyun gives a short nod.

What he doesn’t expect is for Kihyun to lean into his space and brush his lips against his. The kiss is soft and gentle and leaves Changkyun completely breathless. 

Pulse jumping and cheeks warming, Changkyun kisses him again and Kihyun follows. Tender and unhurried. He does that sometimes. When Changkyun feels like he’s losing his grip, the control over his own body and thoughts, Kihyun lets him take the lead, guide them into what he wants or needs.

Sometimes it ends after a few kisses, sometimes with the both of them exhausted and out of breath but sated.

He knows things are different tonight. Because they have been different for days and he knows this is supposed to only be a short comforting display of affection. But he feels Kihyun still responding to it, tongue barely grazing the seam of his lips and yet his mouth scorching.

“Let’s get cleaned up.” He speaks, voice soft and tired but Changkyun clings to him.

“Give me a moment.” He mumbles, refusing to release him from his embrace.

Kihyun indulges him, breathing slow and steady, rubbing his back, and really, this is all Changkyun needs. The reassurance that they’re really okay. 

“How’s your head?” Kihyun whispers against his ear after a while.

Changkyun hums, slowly opening his eyes because he doesn’t even remember closing them. “It’s fine.” He lies but Kihyun obviously sees right through him.

“Are you sure? With all you did, I’m guessing it’s painful right now.” He continues, speaking just as quietly, slowly massaging his nape.

“Don’t push yourself for me, you did a lot too.” 

Kihyun hums in turn, knowing that he’s right but clearly not pleased with it. “Let’s shower and get to bed. The sun is starting to rise.” He informs because he’s the one facing the window and Changkyun nods, really starting to feel the discomfort of being covered in dried blood and dirt.

But he halts when Kihyun’s hand glides down his arm to link their fingers together and moves towards the bathroom. “Together?” He asks, meek and unsure.

Kihyun looks at him for a moment and Changkyun can’t shake the fact that he looks almost guilty as he nods and squeezes his hand, tugging on his arm. Changkyun wastes no time in following him.

Changkyun knows it is, by far, not the first time the two of them are naked together. They’re both more than comfortable in front of one another. But there’s something so incredibly intimate about helping each other now. After everything that’s happened. And Changkyun vaguely thinks maybe it’s because none of them are uttering a word and that he’s probably the only one feeling like this. But whenever he catches Kihyun’s eyes, he’s already looking at him. 

He almost looks like he’s thinking the same as him.

Changkyun pushes the thought at the back of his head as they finish getting ready for bed and when they leave the bathroom, he lets himself fall on Kihyun’s bed.

“I’m sleeping next to you.” He says simply, not giving Kihyun the time to question him.

“That’s where I want you right now anyways.” He replies naturally, switching the lights off and closing the curtains properly so they can get some sleep.

The room is plunged into darkness for a moment and Changkyun feels the bed dip before his eyes can fully adjust. He’s surprised by how fast Kihyun gathers him in his arms and holds him close. He’s usually the one doing the clinging.

And he holds back onto him just as fast but Changkyun can’t help the feeling that there’s something unspoken between them. He can’t decipher what it is exactly but it’s _there_. Heavy and looming.

“I’m really glad you’re okay.” He whispers, pressing a kiss against the side of Kihyun’s neck and earlier, he would’ve chastised himself for behaving like this but now he simply can’t find it in himself to care. Especially not with the way Kihyun has been behaving with him since they’ve been back.

“Thank you.” Kihyun murmurs a moment later, his fingers running through his hair and Changkyun holds back the tears he feels prickling at the back of his eyes because those words hold _so much_.

Clearing his throat, Changkyun lets the tip of his fingers dance on Kihyun’s stomach, slow and feather-like.

“I wanted to ask. Did you project a memory at me earlier?” He asks and he can feel Kihyun smile against his head when he presses a kiss to his hair.

“I did. I wasn’t sure it worked.” He confirms and he kind of sounds...Shy?

Changkyun pushes himself up on his elbow to look at Kihyun. “Why that one? I thought it was just the day you had to freeze your ass off for me.” He laughs quietly but curiosity grows when, even in the dark, without being able to see the color of his cheeks, he can easily tell Kihyun is blushing.

“You see...That was the day I knew I was fucked.” He mumbles, letting his fingers ghost over his collarbone. “It’s the day I knew I fell for you.”

Changkyun blinks. Kihyun stares at him. The silence feels suffocating.

“Kihyun, _what_?” Changkyun abruptly sits up completely and Kihyun follows, rubbing at the side of his neck.

“Yeah…”

“What the fuck. That was _months_ ago. _Months_ before I told you about my own feelings.” Changkyun frowns because it doesn’t make sense to him.

“I know.” Kihyun is quiet and it makes Changkyun want to be louder.

“When I told you. You made it seem like it was one-sided. After that night, you...Kihyun you’ve been acting weird around me for days. Like only my presence makes you feel uncomfortable.” Changkyun isn’t sure what the feeling in his chest is. It’s something close to betrayal but not quite there yet.

“I _know_. And I’m sorry. I tried not to,” Kihyun insists, catching his hands between his palms. “It scared me. I already told you how I am when it comes to you. How selfish I want to be. I was dealing with it fine but then...knowing you felt the same way? It brought it back that much stronger. I thought. Maybe I can have this. But with the shit we do...I couldn’t risk possibly endangering one of us because I let my feelings cloud my judgment. It was easier to just pretend it wasn’t there.”

Changkyun’s throat feels dry and his palms clammy into Kihyun’s hands but he can’t move away. He wasn’t expecting him to be so upfront.

“What changed?” He asked quietly because if Kihyun thinks that, he doesn’t understand why he would suddenly confess to him.

“It’s kind of strange but...The same reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“What we do is dangerous and everything is so fickle. We don’t know how long we’ll be here. We don’t even know how long we’ll be alive. Why should I deprive myself of something that’s wanted on both ends?”

Changkyun wants to be angry. Wants to feel betrayed at the way Kihyun acted. But he _can’t_. Because he can get him. His reasoning behind it.

“You fucking fucker. Why the fuck is it you.” He grits, reaching out to grip the back of Kihyun’s neck and bring him into a bruising kiss.

But he feels Kihyun smiles against his mouth and his words suddenly don’t seem as harsh anymore.

“I love you too.” Kihyun whispers and Changkyun’s heart feels like it’s expanding too much and it gets lodged in his throat. “You said it out there. I remember.” He adds, knowing and gentle.

“You can’t use my moment of weakness against me.” He mutters, averting his eyes when he feels heat creep up his face.

“Just a moment of weakness?” 

Changkyun considers deflecting with more jokes because that’s just what he _does_ but he decides against it. He looks back at Kihyun’s face and he can see it. The hint of hopefulness in his eyes mixed with the nervousness of his too tight smile.

“No.” Changkyun whispers. “I love you, I really do.” He says, quiet but blunt and honest.

Kihyun sucks in a sharp breath and it’s obvious he wasn’t expecting him to be so transparent about it.

“Come here. I need to hold you.” Kihyun speaks and there’s a hint of urgency in his voice that makes Changkyun comply immediately. He slides onto his lap easily and embraces him again.

Neither of them is wearing much and Changkyun loves how it makes it even easier to feel every little breath Kihyun takes in. How easily he can feel his heart beating against his chest.

And when Kihyun carefully turns them over and lies on top of him, Changkyun spreads his legs to have him even closer.

Changkyun swallows thickly because the way Kihyun is looking down at him is making his chest constrict with feelings. He’s not cautious. He’s looking at him so full of love, letting everything pour out and Changkyun vaguely thinks maybe he’s asleep or passed out somewhere and this isn’t real.

But then, Kihyun kisses him. Still slow and gentle but brimming with passion and Changkyun can barely breathe. He holds onto Kihyun’s face and kisses him harsher, needier.

Kihyun groans against his mouth, trying to steady his body over him and he grounds his hips against his while doing so. It was obviously unintentional but it still makes heat spark into Changkyun’s stomach and he feels a quiet moan slipping into their kiss.

Changkyun wraps a leg over the back of Kihyun’s thigh and tries to hold onto him tighter and when he pulls back to try and speak, Changkyun chases after him, catches his mouth into another kiss.

“Wait. Baby wait.” Kihyun chuckles, breathless and regretful.

“Is this going to be a thing now?” Changkyun asks, willing his heart to calm down.

“What?”

“You calling me Baby.” Changkyun smiles because it makes his chest feel warm and it makes him feel loved and cared for.

Kihyun gives a small shrug as if he doesn’t see how much Changkyun likes it. “If you don’t mind.” He speaks, one of his hands still holding onto his face and his thumb caressing over his cheekbone.

“Right, yeah. I don’t mind.” Changkyun knows he isn’t the most eloquent right now but he still feels like his heart is about to burst with feelings. “Are you going to tell me why you stopped?”

Kihyun looks regretful. “My body still feels exhausted. I should probably not exert myself.”

“Oh, yeah, of course.” Changkyun smiles again when Kihyun peppers kisses on his cheeks and nose before stopping to his lips.

“I still want to make you feel good.” He whispers, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth.

“You really don’t have to if you’re tired.” Changkyun tries to say but he finds it hard to speak when Kihyun mouths at his neck.

Kihyun hums. “Take it as my apology for making you think your feelings were unrequited.”

Changkyun doesn’t say anything as he watches Kihyun kiss his way down to his chest. His tongue brushes against his heated skin and Changkyun feels goosebumps break wherever Kihyun touches.

Pushing his fingers through Kihyun’s hair when he moves down to his stomach, sucking gently on the sensitive skin, Changkyun feels like the heat spreading into his veins is slow and calm. Like there’s no rush and no desperation. Like he can really enjoy and appreciate every little touch.

“That feels nice.” He breathes, closing his eyes for a moment and when he opens them again, Kihyun is looking up at his face, an affectionate smile pulling at his lips.

“You always look so pretty like this.” He speaks, punctuating his words by biting at the skin over his hip bone, pulling a quiet gasp out of him, and Changkyun chuckles.

“You’re pretty lucky to have a boyfriend like that.” He says and as soon as the words leave him, Changkyun knows he might be shooting himself in the foot by mentioning their unspoken status but he sort of feels the need to know if they’re on the same page.

Kihyun looks startled for a moment before that same smile reappears on his face again. “I guess I am.” He agrees, pulling at the waistband of his underwear and Changkyun doesn’t know what to focus on. How fast his dick is swelling or how fast the warmth is spreading in his chest.

Kihyun seems to make that decision for him when he licks from the base of his cock all the way to the tip to suck the head into his mouth. Changkyun’s head falls back against the pillow with a moan that’s probably too loud but he feels good. Overly sensitive, like everything is amplified with the emotional connection but _good_. Kihyun moves his head almost agonizingly slow and Changkyun wills himself to stay still but his hips buck up at a particularly hard suck, trying to seek more of that wet heat. Kihyun presses him down with a hand at the top of his thigh and the other on his hip but he doesn’t stop. Changkyun looks down at him again, a fist clenched into the sheets and he can feel himself throbbing against Kihyun’s tongue. He knows he won’t last long and even though he wasn’t meant to anyway, Changkyun feels overwhelmed. Pleasure is building up fast and it’s like his body can’t quite keep up with it.

Reaching a hand down to hold onto Kihyun’s hand that’s still on his hip, Changkyun links their fingers together and maybe he squeezes a little too hard but Kihyun doesn’t complain. It all makes it even more difficult to hold back.  
  
Changkyun also decides he wants to feel more of that closeness.

“Hold on.” He gasps and Kihyun pulls off, looking up at him, mouth red and eyes a little glassy but patient and focused as he presses wet kisses against the skin under his belly button.

“You okay?” Changkyun can hear that his voice is a little rough but he still speaks as softly as he can.

“Come here,” Changkyun says, tugging on his hand until Kihyun understands and crawls back over him, resting himself on his elbow. Changkyun grips at his free hand and guides it to wrap around his cock again. “I want to have you close when I come.” He admits and Kihyun smiles again.

“You’re really cute.” He speaks, moving his fist with the same rhythm he was sucking him off before. 

Changkyun cranes his neck to reach Kihyun’s face and kiss him. And maybe it’s a little messy but Kihyun’s hand moves just the right way, the slide easy with his skin still slick with spit and Changkyun starts babbling against his mouth about how close he is.

And when he tips over the edge, Changkyun feels pleasure rip through him in waves, painting warmly against his own chest and his mouth hangs open, a silent moan leaving him. Changkyun grasps at Kihyun’s shoulders to bring him close to him so that the feeling in his chest doesn’t completely crush him.

It’s only a few moments later when he hears quiet hushing in his ear that he feels the tears slipping from his eyes and Changkyun chuckles hoarsely.

“I can’t believe I just came-cried.” He speaks, wet and wobbly, sniffling loudly and Kihyun laughs against his shoulder.

“You’re annoying.” He says lightly, his tone holding no bite at all.

“But you still love me.” He grins to himself and, maybe, there’s an extra tear that rolls down the side of his face.

“Sadly.” Kihyun sighs and Changkyun bites at his shoulder because he doesn’t feel like loosening his embrace to slap him. 

“Take that back.”

Kihyun groans. “Sometimes I forget how bitey you are.”

“Unacceptable. I must work harder on that.” Changkyun chuckles and he can feel Kihyun’s chest rumble slightly against him with a quiet laugh.

“Now let me go and I’ll get something to clean you up.” He speaks and Changkyun considers protesting but he’s also starting to feel the discomfort of having cool jizz between their bodies.

Changkyun lets his limbs fall lax on the bed and Kihyun disappears into the bathroom for a moment. Changkyun hears water running and he grimaces at the mess on his stomach and chest, feeling cold now that there’s not someone pressed against him. And when Kihyun comes back, illuminated by the light spilling from the bathroom, Changkyun looks at him curiously.

“Are you okay though?” He asks because he feels like he didn’t do his part.

“What?”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to do something for you?” He offers and Kihyun smiles, bending down and pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Thanks but I’m good. I just want to sleep.” He admits and Changkyun hums, spotting the washcloth in his hand right before Kihyun swipes it over his stomach.

Changkyun gasps. “Why is it _cold._ ” He complains, shivers going down his spine.

“It’s better for your skin,” Kihyun replies gently, tugging his boxer back into place, but there’s a glint in his eyes just as he moves up his chest and over his nipples.

Changkyun recoils with a whine. “You’re doing this on purpose.” he accuses and Kihyun laughs.

“Okay, I’m sorry baby, I’m done,” He says, pressing a kiss to his chest and Changkyun is annoyed at himself for how fast the fondness in his chest grows.

“You can’t use that every time to save yourself.” He mumbles and Kihyun obviously ignores him as he leaves the washcloth in the bathroom and turns off the lights again.

“I’ll use it as long as it works.” He says when he slips back in bed next to him.

Kihyun lies on his back and Changkyun wraps himself around him again, squishing his face against his chest, listening to the soothing steady sound of his heartbeat. Changkyun feels the blanket being pulled over them and then Kihyun’s fingers are combing through his hair and he knows he doesn’t have long before he falls asleep.

“If you’re doing that, I hope you’re not expecting some sort of pillow talk.” He whispers and Kihyun snorts.

“Kind of trying to put you to sleep faster.” He whispers back and Changkyun can only manage a half-hearted offended gasp. “Let’s talk more in the morning.” He adds and Changkyun can tell he’s already falling asleep.

He closes his eyes and soon follows, feeling peaceful and content in a way he hasn’t felt in a long time.


End file.
